Right or Wrong....

[Bill]

.....Black or White..........but what about Grey?

I was in a queue in a supermarket on Saturday late afternoon. The shop was short of staff due to illness so there was only one person serving on the "quick" small number of items counter where there are normally 2 people so the queue was getting longer and longer.

There was only this one poor young fella doing his best when I noticed the woman in front of me getting very agitated. She kept looking round to see if someone else would arrive and I could see her getting more and more worked up when no one did.

Then behind me the sarcastic comments started by another woman. She appeared to justify herself by saying it wasn't the young fellas fault which was true but then why be so sarcastic in the first place?

I just stood there and smiled. I just thought it was so silly getting so worked up. The queue wouldn't get any shorter by it and what was the rush in the middle of a weekend anyway.

I then thought to myself about anxiety. What happens when we're in a shop and start to feel panicky? We feel trapped and need to escape but we also feel stressed.

I feel these people though simply reacted as they did because they felt stressed. They became impatient and so lashed out. Why did they feel so stressed though? I just felt that maybe they felt so stressed in their working days that the adrenalin was still rushing round them at the weekend so they couldn't unwind and relax. No patience.

It reminded me that sometimes I feel that when we suffer bad experiences in our past, they can cause emotional stress. This stress that we're carrying like a heavy load can make us feel trapped under certain circumstances such as in a shop but also this stress can create sensitivity.

Sometimes, as has happened to me in the past, something can be said in all innocence or as a joke but it touches on a subject that has caused us hurt in the past which we're still carrying as emotional stress. This sensitivity can then make us lash out without thinking. We just react. If you're on the receiving end it's what I call "being zapped" because it's like touching a live wire without meaning to. It happens both ways to us all.

I think also as a result, this can make us judge based on our own experiences. Our hurt and resulting stress doesn't allow us to look at alternative explanations or the actual intent behind what is said. We therefore feel attacked and so become defensive.

The trouble is that often we then feel bad for lashing out when we realise we took it the wrong way when in actual fact it's no ones fault. It only takes on reaction to start an upset or argument with many other words said with later regret.

We also tend to store these feelings stored in a bottle so that when the cork is accidently touched, we explode. This is why it's so important to release this emotional stress in the "right" way by coming to terms with our past so we can then move forward in a more relaxed content fashion.

When we are less sensitive, we become more patient and this patience then allows us to realise that "black may not always be black". That not everyone is the same and not everyone will say bad things or treat us badly like those in our past. It allows us to see the "white".

However, there is an old saying - "Six of one and half a dozen of the other" meaning that there are always 2 sides to every argument. However, there is also the "grey" inbetween and that I feel is the other we really need to allow ourselves to see because there is alot "wrong" in this world but there are often "right" reasons behind these apparent wrongs. Often things aren't clear cut or as they appear. We therefore need to allow ourselves patience to try to understand the "whys" and "therefores".

For instance....I always seem to struggle to be on time due to tiredness and making sure things are in order for my wife before I go out. One day I got a bad ticking off for being late for a Sunday match. They didn't think about why.

Recently I was telling these same people the reasons and what I have to cope with in my wifes illness. They then said they had "no idea". I'd always presumed they knew like the rest I know.

They got impatient and stressed because of the match so they didn't allow themselves time to think of reasons.

"Patience" allowing time to "understand". They can help in so many ways to live a more relaxed life.

[titchjd]

Hi Bill....

I couldn't agree more with your post .
I feel people are so wrapped up in their own world they don't see the inbetween part of black or white .

I have this alot as I work in a supermarket and Im abused daily by customers .
About 6months ago we had a lady on the till who had just been told some devastating news so we had closed her till off 2 comfort her and take her 2 the hospital ..when a man came up and started shouting at us 2 re open the till etc and became very abusive saying 2 the woman you wouldnt know a hard days work if it hit u in the face and u shouldnt close the till as we had queues ..he wouldnt listen 2 anything we had 2 say ..he just jumped 2 the conclusion we were shutting tills when it was busy ...not realising there was a reason .

I totaly agree with you saying there are right reasons to some wrong doings ,yet people tend just 2 see the action of wrong and not the reasoning behind it .

very interesting post m8 x

Titchjd xxxxxxxx

[Oceanblue]

very very interesting post and I am afraid to say that I can be that person tutting in the queue! Unfortunatley my anx usually starts in a queue when I feel trapped and clostraphobic!!!!!

.

I feel trapped and claustrobic too, queuing also heightens my anxiety. I'm usually better when the kids are with me, as they're obviously a huge distraction for me to focus on.


I don't quite understand this message Bill .
I don't think it's a question of patience as such, I think that unfortunately there just isn't enough time in the day anymore. Everybody has such busy lives, I mean it's non stop. Which of course is ashame,.. but that's just the way life goes.

[Bill]

Hello Katie

Sorry it was a bit jumbled. I was too tired at the time.

What I was trying to say that if past stresses are left untreated, they create sensitivities and impatientness which every day stresses in the present will trigger making us more likely to explode at the tiniest irritation.

This can make things seem more important at the time than they really are. There are much more important things in the greater scheme of things.

As they say, patience and understanding are virtues which Everyone should learn to lead a more relaxed content life. It's therefore important to remember our limits, to be supported and find ways to take time outs from our every day stress.

[Oceanblue]

Hello Katie

Sorry it was a bit jumbled. I was too tired at the time.

What I was trying to say that if past stresses are left untreated, they create sensitivities and impatientness which every day stresses in the present will trigger making us more likely to explode at the tiniest irritation.

This can make things seem more important at the time than they really are. There are much more important things in the greater scheme of things.

As they say, patience and understanding are virtues which Everyone should learn to lead a more relaxed content life. It's therefore important to remember our limits, to be supported and find ways to take time outs from our every day stress.

Yep definately, I understand . Thanks Bill.

I wish I could take more time out to relax from every day stress.

I really need to get back into some Yoga rather than just doing the cardio stuff (that includes running after the kids), mountain biking with the kids, p/t taxi driver for their clubs etc, and to try and slow down abit, my lifes manic right now !!

What on earth will I do when the kids leave home ? That's a worrying thought, I hope i'm not gonna be sad and lonely, drowning my sorrows because they've left the nest.

Take care Bill

[Bill]

Try not to worry about the future but instead plan it so that there's nothing then to worry about because you'll know what you're going to do when they leave home.

Think of the freedom you'll have to do what You want. The new hobbies you could take up. The grand children you'll have to enjoy Granny Katie! Don't fear it; look forward to your freedom!