Second day in work...

[Arclite]

I have been off work since the start of December with Phobic Anxiety and have been taking Citalopram (10mg) for 5 weeks. I have made slow but steady progress so far, but I still don't feel back to my old self.

I went back to work last week for just one day (Friday 13th!) just to see how I get on and to see how I cope with eating lunch there.

Surprisingly i was fine all day. I felt quiet edgy throughout the day, but other than that I survived. I even managed to eat my way through a plate of fish and chips, which was very surprising.

Today i smy second day in work and it doesn't seem to be going quite as well.

I fell OK in myself, I don't feel unwell, but I don't feel very happy either. I feel very tense, to the point where I find that I have been clenching my Teeth all morning and my shoulders are tensed. I feel like I'm going to explode either in tears or in rage. I feel like a good scream out in the open might clear the tension.

I'll be going for lunch in a little while and I'm hoping all will be OK. Work are very supportive and know exactly what's going on, so leaving work early is a option.

Just wondering though, is this ho wmost people feel when they return to work?

[Tomimo]

It sounds like you are doing brilliantly just being there and because you are only just getting back into it then I suspect it is normal to feel anxious/edgy. Don't expect too much of yourself and take each day as it comes, if work are understanding then that's a lot less pressure.

I haven't stopped working, even at my worst I thought if I stopped then I would fall apart and so I kept going - somedays in a complete zombie state but I got through. I have tense moments but getting through a day is agreat achievement.

Hang in there and be kind to yourself

Annie x

[Arclite]

Thanks for the reply. I've had several moments today where I just felt I wanted to go home, but I've only got 2 hours until home time so I might as well just hold out.

I'm not as good now as when I made that initial post, but I'm still coping. I'm just getting my usual "after-dinner anxiety", just a mild case of it though.

Work have been great so far, but in the back of my mind I keep thinking "are they looking to replace me" as i keep getting asked things like "what's the password for this" etc...these are things that only I know and i can see why they'd want them incase I'm not here, but it also makes me think, are they looking to get rid of me. I've only had 2 weeks off in total, so i can't see why they would.

[Arclite]

I've only got an hour to go now and I'm feeling very tired. I think this is probably due to not having a decent lunch.

I've found today to be quite tough, but worth doing. I've been very spaced out all day. I've found myself drifting off while trying to do work, being unable to focus on what I'm trying to do.

I've been completely upfront with work and they have been supportive, so hopefully they'll understand if my work performance over the next week or so is less than fantastic.

Just being here is a big deal to me...

[Meg]

Glad to hear you have done so well .

Employment law being what it is these days there is no way that replacing you after 2 weeks off is even an option .

Keep going. You're doing great.

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[seh1980]

Keep up the good work!!

"If life were simple, word would have got around"

[Karen]

Well done for getting there and staying Arclite. You're doing well.

Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[tracyp584]

Well done Arclite!,

Keep on going, you are doin really well.

Take care

tracy x x



Every time you avoid your fears they become stronger,every time you face your fears they become weaker.

[Zeusmoose]

You have done so well Arclite, and it must have taken you so much courage to do this.

I failed to attend my second day of a new job last week (this has happend again and again) and couldn't go back because of sheer fear/panic.

Debbie xx

[Arclite]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

I'm home safe now and I'm starting to feel more normal, so it is obviously just anxiety while in work. I plan to carry on going in all week, just to see how I cope. Today is a blip, which hopefully I can move on from, it's the eating part of the day i need to work on as that's the part which made me unwell last time.

I'm only on 10mg of Citalopram each day so there is plenty of room to improve. I'm going to phone my doctor tomorrow to see if he thinks it's worth upping the dosage.

It feels easier to just not go into work, but I have found that it is actually less stressful going in, than sitting at home worrying what they are thinking about you.

Anyway....far from perfect, but I've survived two days in work, 4 short car journeys and two and a half lunches. On with the next...

Arclite (Steven)