Help with acceptance of feelings

[690SMC]

Hello folks,

been a long time since I posted on here.

I've finished my part time studying, moved into a more interesting role at work and wife is getting better health wise.

Overall, I'm a lot better with only some anxiety now and then and mostly what's left is the depression. This is on and off depending on what I'm doing or if I'm bored.

As of Monday 10th my anxiety was triggered from a conversation with my wife. I was anxious for 2-3 days and then I just felt depressed. During the Bank holiday weekend I tried so hard to be happy, positive and in a good mood...basically fighting the sadness and low emotions. The pressure came to a point and Monday evening I just started crying...I guess I couldn't take it any more.

I realised that fighting the emotions was only adding pressure on me and the release was eventually to start crying.

So yesterday I just allowed the feelings to be. I was surprised to see that while the feeling was there it didn't really affect me that much. Depression came and went throughout the day and I acknowledged its presence. I didn't feel anxious and in fact I felt content.

This morning I saw my therapist and shared all this with him. His view was that this is a pivotal moment on my journey. I feel fairly tired today and less upbit than yesterday. Feeling low and sad has been there on and off a bit more today.

My question to you all is how do you accept the feelings? How does this acceptance work for you? How does it manifest itself?

Thank you

[Jo1970]

I don't know. But if you can do it for one day, you can do it for more days. The brain is an organ and needs retraining

[690SMC]

Haha thanks Jo yes I'm sure I can do it again but I'm also thinking of the effectiveness.

For anyone else that this might be helpful to, this is how I am approaching it.

Acknowledge the feeling (sad, low etc)
"Yes I feel XYZ"
If you are doing something continue doing it and focus on that activity - mindfully.
If you are not engaged with something then move on to your next activity and engage - mindfully

The feeling/emotion will be there but what you will hopefully notice is that its strength subsides and kind of goes away. It might come back later but by following this approach I find that its strength is far less.

Engage with things that you find interesting and you enjoy.

Any more suggestions to the above are more than welcome

[Bill]

You say you had a conversation with your wife and then you were anxious for 2-3 days afterwards. This meant that you bottled your feelings until you couldn't handle them anymore and you had to release them.

Emotions should never be bottled because as you've discovered, they create tension, anxiety and depression.

One of the things you don't say is did you tell your wife how you were feeling or was it not possible? If you couldn't, what held you back?

We can learn to accept feelings but I find letting them out by sharing them with someone close is better because then you can find security, comfort and reassurance, although I realise it's not always possible.

[690SMC]

Hi Bill

My wife's health acts as a trigger for my anxiety. For the last 12 months she has been hospitalised 4-5 times due to kidney infections and it was only in December that they figured out what was wrong and started treating her properly. Her ill health coincided with my relapse and that's how it's linked.

I have told my wife and we are very open and honest with our feelings. While I can express those feelings up until now I have been fighting them rather than letting them be. That is the difference in my approach.

[Bill]

Thank you for elaborating.

When I feel anxious about anything I try to do the same as you by trying to turn my attention to something I enjoy doing or that is interesting enough to take my mind off how I'm feeling. The more you dwell on negativity, the more depressed you end up feeling.

Deep down I'm always feeling empty with a void I can never fill but I try not to think about it by focusing on other things. I'm not sure if it's acceptance or resignation but I feel there's very little I can do about it so there's no point dwelling on it.

My philosophy is if I have a worry that's in my control then I do whatever is needed to resolve that worry but if it's something beyond my control, there's no point worrying about it because it will just end up making me feel anxious, frustrated and depressed.

I'm not sure how much of that is of any help to you though but I sincerely hope your wife is feeling much better very soon now that they know what the problem is and that in turn it will also help to ease your anxiety.