Is anyone here? Can't sleep.

[blondeangel]

I can't sleep...it is past 1am here (where I am in Canada), and I can't sleep. I feel tired though. First of all, I don't want to go to school tomorrow, because I don't want to go to that one class that my teacher is a bitch..especially to me...you would know if you read one of my other messages. Anyways...I don't feel comfortable around her, and she treats me like I am a child. There is more to it, but it was a couple of weeks ago (I think that long ago), that she ended up triggering an anxiety attack for me...which is so rare for me to have...usually I get panic attacks...you know, the ones that happen without a trigger. So, I know if I go to class tomorrow and ask her about how I am doing, she is going to let me ask her questions...she SHHHHHH's me or tells me to shut up, and told me that I talk too much...but I am only asking questions...and sometimes I am not right exactly to teh point, but that is how she is...and she doesn't have patience for me, and I think she sees me as a threat because knows I am not dumb. Anyways..you can see how I am rambling on about her...and I want to do more...but I won't bore you with how much of a control freak, rigid, non-patient and pretenious person she is. So what is the point of going to class...I have one more class this week with her, and tow next then....schools out for summer (well really it is stil spring).
Also, I have had to take so many painkillers to stop the pain in my foot and ankle. I first didn't feel anything...so I took anohter and another...now the pain is gone...but I feel high from it too. I took only 1 mg of clonazapam...but I don't want to take more and conk out...I would rather drift off to sleep. I know I am feeling anxiety about school tomorrow, so that is why I mainly think I can't sleep. I have been trying to control my thoughts so it doesn't turn into an attack...breathing....ok......I won't let myself lose it. And I feel so tired in my head...but I cann't seeem to sleep! But at least my ankle is not hurting anymore. Well...if anyone is there....I am here. Playing video games. Awake...but tired. ARgh....

[mum2four]

Reading your post reminded me of my posts a fue months ago.

I hope you feel better soon.

About your teacher I totally get where your comeing from I know all about teacher's who can tollerate people asking question I'm a guestion queen if people let me ask I often feel like I need more info before I can do my work I'm only now starting to understand why I feel the need to know more and I'm 28 now. I tryed to go back to school about 3 years ago and failed to cope with the aniety and panic attact's I was having BIG time I quit and basicly became an agrophobic. I managed to find a place I felt like I fit in and coul;d cope with which is a volenteer childcare place for young mum to leave there kids for free while thay study. It a very positive invironment and I'm glad to have found it cause I have never have anything postive to fall back on when I nothing postive to give my self anymore.

Dont eva not go to your class or you will make it harder to go in the future . Anxiety is this devil that get a further grip on you if you let it get the better of you never give in to it eva. Dose your teacher know you suffer from anxiety cause re4cently I informed my teacher that I suffer from anxiety and told her I was not in class to do the work yet if I did the work that was a bonus I am more there to prove to my self I can stay in class. Maybe if you can sit down and expain to your teacher about what you need from her in order to get threw you class with out makinbg you feel like a child she might beable to soport your groth and not hinder it.

[blondeangel]

mum2four...
I have told her that I have panic disorder, adhd and have post traumatic stress...I don't think she really cares. She just has no patience for me, and I think she may see me a threat to take over her "power" over the classroom. I missed school today...mainly because out of the two classes I had..one was hers. But it was a beautiful sunny day..like summer...and I needed to get things done, and relax. Plus I needed to go to the doctor to get painkillers for my hurt ankle and foot. So they gave me the strongest non narcotic meds for pain called Toradol. I also wanted to enjoy my day today, and relax and get some stuff done. But I have to see her on Thursday too..and today is Tuesday. ARgh.
Anyways...I feel better tonight, and I am going to try to go to bed soon.
Thanks for your reply....I kinda wish I could have talked to someone last night, but I just played my videogames, read and fell asleep not too too late.

[mum2four]

is there someone you talk to about what the way toy feel the teacher is treating you cause if she know's and still treats you bad than maybe you need to go talk to someone els talking to the teacher.

I know how hard it can be to be told to shhhhh when you feel confidant enough to finaly ask your question and then be told to shh would set my panic atack of every time. I had a teacher a fue year's ago that I suspect even if she knew I had anxiety and panoc attack issues would still have not cared to be a little bit easier on me in order for me to safe enought rto face my fears of the class room. Just keep trying and never give up or give in to people remind your self that you have the right to be who you are despite your anxiety and you all the people that can put up with person and there anxiety issues tell them to go Jump in a lake lol. Thay are sort of people that make so much harder for us to get threw our issuesd as well as also being evenualy being the reason we can get be stounger people than thay eva will be.

Keep smiling and Keep trying and Just keep doing what you are doing trust me you'll get there.