OCD or Schizophrenia/Psychosis

[jb569]

Hi, everyone,

This has been an awful week for me. The other night I admitted myself to A&E because the anxiety was so bad. I really wanted a mental health assessment but the psychiatrist at the hospital didn't think it was necessary as I was deemed 'low risk', but the anxiety is still rampant.

Anyway, this all started with a massive hangover nearly two weeks ago and I was overthinking which resulted in a panic attack. Ever since then, I just haven't haven't felt the same, despite having had to contend with OCD (intrusive thoughts about harming loved ones) and Anxiety for years. Before university, I was able to dismiss it, but now I'm genuinely fearing for my sanity and rational thinking.

Anyway, I've been having a fear lately of becoming schizophrenic/psychotic. I can't even remember the amount of times I've wandered through town thinking to myself 'this is it, I'm going crazy', 'maybe a mental health hospital would be the best place for me'. I have moments where I'm able to dismiss it but this is ultimately followed by numerous panic attacks. I partly believe that I'm putting it on myself: I've been doing my homework about schizophrenia/psychosis/OCD/Anxiety and I believe that this only adds fuel to the fire. The worst was when I read a story about a woman named Andrea Rees who believed she was possessed by the devil. I was talking to a friend of mine and an intrusive thought popped into my mind which went 'he's the source of all evil in the world'. I know for a fact that this is ridiculous irrational bullshit, but I'm scared that I will believe it, which I believe that the OCD/Anxiety is trying to do. Schizophrenics in my view probably take things like this as the cold hard truth despite evidence to the contrary. I don't believe it at all, so why am I stressing out over it? When I look at my friend, I think back to the thought and I try to reassure myself that it is ridiculous bullshit, but I still have another panic attack revolving around the fear that I'm losing my grip on reality.

Yesterday, another intrusive thought popped into my mind. I was in a lecture and I was still preoccupied with the fear that I'm going crazy and another thought popped up that said 'what if someone is in control of my mind?', I laughed it off initially, but I feel that my OCD/Anxiety is trying to make me believe it even though, as I said before, that I believe it's ridiculous bullshit. These thoughts are contrary to my own beliefs: I believe that we have one mind and we are in control of it, not anyone else. But I'm still having panic attacks over this.

Is this a cause for concern in any way? I'm currently taking medication for my anxiety and OCD. I'm taking 50mg of Sertraline but I don't believe that it's working for me, although I've only been taking it for the last week. In addition, I've also been going out like your typical student and drinking to escape the anxiety. This is not doing me any favours. I'm only burning the candle at both ends and delaying any positive effects that the medication will have.

Is this typical OCD or could this be the onset of Schizophrenia? Any help will be appreciated.

[Fishmanpa]

if you "think" you're going crazy, you're not. When you're truly in psychosis, you don't realize it.

I speak from experience as I had a rather adverse side effect to steroids given to me during chemo. I had no idea I was acting out of the norm but everyone else realized it.

As you already know, alcohol and anxiety issues do not mix, especially if taking meds. You're taking an anti-depressant and drinking a depressant. Kinda defeats the purpose and frankly is unhealthy. Perhaps there's a counselor on campus you can speak with?

Positive thoughts

[Sunflower2]

I also agree with fishmanpa, I was speaking to a friend who was had to look after someone experiencing a psychosis episode and the girl had no idea anything was wrong. She thought everything she was doing was normal and that everyone else was wrong.. So by worrying about it proves that you aren't at risk of developing it. And I suppose if you were to somehow develop it, you'd have plenty of people around you to realise it and help!

OCD on the other hand is very good at convincing you something is absolutely definitely wrong. No matter what you do, you can't stop thinking about it and it's so frustrating! My advice would be try to focus on ways to distract you from worrying. Or if you really can't stop, just accept that it is a risk and work out a solution on how you will deal with it if it happens?

[RoseEve]

I've had these fears as well. I had a massive panic attack after smoking cannibas. I thought I was going insane. It is a common fear among anxiety suffers. Fishmanpa is right. 2 therapists told me that people that go insane are unaware of their fall into insanity. If you fear going insane that is proof that you are not. Try to tell yourself that. I did and the fear left. Sometimes when you have a major panic attack it takes a while to get over it. I had to take medication to snap out of it.

[jb569]

Hi, everyone,

Thank you for your replies. I came back from A&E (again) where I met with a psychiatrist who told me the more I begin to think about the thoughts, the feeling of anxiety will become more intense. I got into the habit of smoking cannabis a couple of months back, and there was a time when me and my friends bought this really strong stuff and after two puffs, I felt like I was losing control and would potentially harm someone, which sent me into a really bad panic attack. My flatmate had a panic attack because she couldn't breathe and my other flatmate became paranoid because he couldn't feel his legs, that's how bad it truly was. So I do stay away from that.

Another fear that I've had is hearing voices. I occasionally hear internal thoughts (which I think of deliberately) and I had a bad episode in the emergency room where I thought 'what if I start to believe God is talking to me?' and again I deliberately thought of it in another person's voice as God saying 'this person is evil'. Even though I know it's total irrational bullshit it sent me into another panic attack because I was scared that I would or was starting to believe it. I'm an atheist so this is contrary to my own personal beliefs. Ultimately, I've realized the more I think of these things, the more my OCD and anxiety will make me feel like I believe them, even though I don't.

I intend to go back home tomorrow for a few days to clear my head. But the fear that I will snap and hurt loved ones is still strong. But I'll see how I cope with it.

[RoseEve]

I used to have these same type of thoughts. Especially that I would start to hear voices. One night I was laying in my bed and I started to hear voices, like whispering. I started to freak out but then I looked at my clock radio and when I set my alarm I put the volume on slightly and that's what I was hearing. True story. I hope that gave you a smile

[MyNameIsTerry]

I think you will find this link to OCD UK helpful as it lists the types of OCD's there are.

http://www.ocduk.org/types-ocd

Suggest looking at Ruminations and Intrusive Thoughts which cover what you are describing.

As FMP and others say, psychosis is unknown to the person, they believe it's normal behaviour. I've read this before in OCD leafllets from NHS outpatient centres. You are able to spot and challenge your thoughts, your thoughts don't equate to actions unlike in psychosis.

Schizonphenia, I think is a bit more complicated. I've seen programmes on TV where someone can see & hear people that are not there but they know they are not and they find it very distressing. They actually appeared and were as clear as any other real person was but the sufferer knew they weren't real. This persons diagnosis was schizophrenia but it shares similiarities to some of the OCD types hence why I think you need a professional to guide you through some of these more complex areas.

You are not going mad. You have recognised it. It's just very scary and I think we can largely thank history and the media for portraying things this way. The media especially as they portray mental health badly for entertainment value i.e. picking the most severe symptoms and mood swings. Look at Eastenders portrayal of bi-polar, then look at Stephen Fry and see if you think it's anything like what they portray it as.

[ohwell123]

hi ever since you've been young you've probably had an over active imagination which you prob used to make great movies in your head eg: you could be the kind who draws a brilliant picture but notices the one spot that's not quite right so your not happy even though everyone else thinks its brilliant artwork

sadly your mind is now overwhelming you but with negative thoughts its also making you believe you are these thoughts and no matter how much reassurance you get you still don't believe it this is extreme anxiety

Pure O is like a woodpecker going off in your head

alcohol will fuel this you must got t total for a while not just 3 days

you are scared of your own thoughts but because you "THINK" they are real you are hitting the FEAR button escalating anxiety

[jb569]

Hi, everyone,

I was having a terrible night due to intrusive thoughts revolving around harming my nephew, who I love with all of my heart. So, as you can imagine, I was on the verge of a breakdown. I was even contemplating calling emergency services as I felt slightly suicidal.

Anyway, my friend recognized my anxiety and gave me one diazepam tablet in conjunction with my 50mg of Sertraline. I've taken one so far and I don't think I've been this calm and composed in a long time. It's so refreshing not to be on the verge of a panic attack. But I've read about the side effects and it states that there's the possibility of schizophrenia/psychosis. Should I carry on with one diazepam tablet per day or should I be sensible and just soldier on with the Sertraline? I have enough problems to contend with and the last thing I want to do is make them worse.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Diazepam is habit forming so GP's only give it for specific reasons. For instance, I had it for a few weeks prior to things getting worse and transferring to Citalopram the first time my anxiety appeared. Diazepam may also be prescribed to help you as you move onto SSRI/SRNI's when all the side effects are making you worse, but after that GP's prefer the non habit forming SSRI/SRNI's to be your medication.

Some people seem to have Diazepam from reading other threads but honestly, this is purely up to your GP.

I would advise against anyone giving Diazepam to someone. It will calm you at first but as time goes by it will stop working as well and you need to up the dose and this is when the trouble starts. This is why only GP's should give them out. I realise your friend is just trying to help as you are really suffering, which can happen when you first go on anti depressants, but you don't want to continue down that route because you need to able to come off all these things when you get better and taking Diazepam could blur the situation later.

It must be horrible feeling like that about your family. Remember, it's just the thoughts, it's not you. Like it says on the stuff I posted, OCD sufferers are the last to want to do this sort of thing because is disturbs them so much that they are thinking it.