Intrusive thoughts and urges that feel real

[Beazpinho]

Hello everyone. I'm new to this website, but not to the fact that I suffer pretty much everyday because of intrusive thoughts. I DO think I might have OCD since I have a lot of symptoms related to that disorder.
I have a loving, sweet and amazing boyfriend and my worst fear is losing him, that kind of stuff. Since a few months ago I started to overthink a lot about pretty much anything. Recently, I started getting the fear, the intrusive thoughts of having sexual urges for other guys (by simply looking at a picture or seeing them, and one of the guys is way older than me and not that attractive) and the fear that I would really act up on those thoughts, The fear of starting to crush on someone else ... it all felt SO real I came home from school crying for 3 days... once I found someone beautiful I ALSO started overthinking "If I didn't love my boyfriend would I still choose him?" "Would I have sex with this guy?". IT FEELS SO REAL IT MAKES ME CRY!. I've been suffering a lot and I can't just let these thoughts go away because they'll eventually come back. I also have some disturbing sexual related images on my mind sometimes. I feel so anxious I need to check/imagine things that give me comfort and less anxiety, even if it's just temporary, trying to find the answers I want. If I don't get the answers that make me feel good (example of an answer that makes me feel good:: a good answer related to my boyfriend), I'll feel even more anxious.
I've been through a lot more, but this is just what's been bothering me the most. It doesn't make me feel well, I get really anxious and feelings of guilt. No one really thinks as much as I do ... I'm afraid the thought that I could be sexually attracted to someone else could be real ... I'd rather this be OCD than true.. actually, I'd rather be dead if that meant i'd lose the love of my life... sometimes It all feels like an excuse to what I'm feeling, like a denial, I'm so afraid, I don't want this!!
These "sexual urges" make me feel like a freaking cheater. I can't stand them and I'm starting to cry. I'm so afraid of losing my boyfriend, idk what I'd do without him. Please help me, tell me this is not real. ����
I try to think that if maybe I didn't think about that I wouldn't get these urges/feelings, but I'm always thinking. Please help me.
Is this real? ��
One of my friends says that this could possibly be just my fear of acting up on these thoughts and eventually they make me feel that way, sometimes I get really anxious by seeing someone and I focus on NOT trying to have any urge, and the exact opposite kinda happens. It all feels SO REAL it scares me. I just can't lose my boyfriend, he's my everything. I'm sure if I didn't think about it, I wouldn't feel those urges, because that has never happened before (when I didn't have this problem of overthinking, anxiety and maybe OCD). Can you guys help me? Thanks.
P.S: I have never felt this before, only when I started to overthink this much. I also think I get the sexual urges because of imaginating stuff, I don't know? It's not like I saw the person and instantly felt like having sex with them. I had intrusive thoughts before and I think that's why I felt this. I hope you can help me. I need it more than anything right now. I would NEVER cheat on my boyfriend. Just the thought and pretty much everything else I've told you here makes me feel like an unloyal girlfriend and a cheater.

[Twistedriddles]

Hey there. I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm pretty new here, too. But I've had OCD my entire life and just recently got officially diagnosed. So I'll try my best to help. First thing's first. Intrusive thoughts are not you. Everyone has intrusive thoughts. Even people without OCD. But most of the time the thought goes away. With OCD, it spirals. This doesn't make the thought any more true. You clearly love your boyfriend. You don't want to cheat on him, and the fact that your disorder is trying to lie to you doesn't change that. And even if you did find someone else attractive outside of your intrusive thoughts, that doesn't mean you want to it would sleep with them.

I can't diagnose you, obviously. But this does sound like OCD. If it is at all possible, go speak to a therapist. If you can find an anxiety or OCD specialist, that will be better, but anyone would be helpful right now, just so you can externalize these thoughts to a professional who can tell you with treatment.

You aren't alone, though. We all deal with these awful intrusive thoughts. But they are just thoughts. See if you can talk to a therapist, try to recognize intrusive thoughts for what they are and try your best to move on in spite of them. I wish you all the best.