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Thread: anyone who feels this way?

  1. #1
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    anyone who feels this way?

    Hi All,

    This is my first day on this site, and just as any other member am very pleased that there is a specific area only for people with health anxiety! i have visited numerous other forums before where people were writing about GAD, OCD...but not specifically HA.

    Here is my story...I soo need to find a few people out there that feels like me too, it is so frustrating to be the only one who has this specific issue.

    Okay a long story made short....my brother committed suicide about a year and a half ago, he suffered from scizophrenia previous to his death for 6 years and on top of that there were continuous conflicts between him and my father, my mother too sometimes. My father is the worst kind that you only see on films...you know the one that abuses his child emotionally....makes him feel smaller than an ant, takes away self-confidence and on top of that he physically tortures you too... oh and he drinks and makes EVERYTHING to be YOUR FAULT!!!! His bad temper, his drinking....everything was our fault! At times he -my brother- had to go without food for days...being locked out of the house and left to wander the streets by himself...etc...terrible memories for me.
    I escaped this fate by leaving home when I was 19yrs old. I am 26 now.

    Then almost 2 years ago I experienced my first panic attack. I was taking exams at college, getting married 3 weeks after the exams and move house too. Another 2 weeks later a very close friend fell under the train drunk and he has lost a leg, so i had to go visit him in hospital...up until that time I was fine, but on the way home from the hospital I had a huge panic attack on the bus. It was the wierdest thing ever...mine was not so physical at all, it was just the vertigo feeling and feeling of terror...suddenly I felt afraid to get on the bus...and my thoughts were....okay schizophrenia just hit you too...I was going through absolute distress for days I was contemplating suicide. My brother was still with us then. Then I finally went to see my Gp feeling terrified and she was so patronizing towards me...like as if I was just making no sense ...which just reassured me I have just gone mad and am just delusional...horrible experience. i remember her asking me, but what are you afraid of? And I told her I was afraid I have just been striked with scizophrenia so she sent me to a pscychiatrist who asked me a lot of questions and finally he said he didnt think I needed his help....but at the end nobody told me what was wrong with me. Luckily I knew a friend who had dealt with anxiety and panic attacks previously so she helpmed me enormously by just telling me how it feels and so I could see it was more likely just anxiety.

    But my health anxiety started right then and there...since that day its just getting better and worse then better again and worse again....like that. I have had some counseling right after my brother's death...he died exactly 2 weeks after my first panic attack. Being so self-centered at the time I didnt even grieve properly...I felt angry, guilty and scared in the same time.

    So yeah, my health anxiety is ALL about scizophrenia. funny thing is I know that I have just as much chances of developing cancer and even dying from it, but that doesn't scare me...death doesn't scare me..okay it does sometimes but I'd say its hardly ever on my mind.

    I made the mistake every one of us does...I read up on scizophrenia, read personal stories...HOW I WISH I DIDN'T! For a start it is not something that you die of...but you have to LIVE with it for the rest of your life and there is NO CURE, no hope for recovery. Then I read about another guy's story where he explained how he was hearing lots of voices...that was months ago and now Im a total nervous wreck...ever since I read that thought is on my mind CONSTANTLY! I mean Im sitting on the train/bus listening and anticipating that it will happen to me at any moment. Have had endless nightmares where I was surrounded by voices not leaving me alone...sometimes I freaked myself out because the screaching of the train

  2. #2
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    First of all welcome to the forum. I too suffer with health anxiety, I'm afraid of getting a disease that can't be cured, as you say having to live with it. I can relate to your fear, but remember that the fear is not real, it may appear real but it is your mind playing tricks on you. You have been checked out and you are OK. I think that it would be good to speak to another doctor who can help you deal with your health anxiety and the thoughts behind it, it's the thoughts that do a lot of damage and can have such power over us - mind and body. There is lots of help and support available here. I hope that you start to feel that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I know it is soo hard but there is hope.

    Take care
    Daisybun

    'This too will pass'

  3. #3
    Join Date
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    Hi,

    Welcome to the forum, like you I was glad I came across this forum.

    I have suffered from health anxiety for four years.

    It took me 5 doctors until I found the right one, who I could talk to and who understand what I was telling him and what I'm going through!

    You will meet nice and friendly people on this forum who are good to talk to?

    Health anxiety, your not alone!

    Take care!

    Tony

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
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    Hi,

    welcome to the forum, you will get a lot of good advice here and make some new friends.

    Here are some links about health anxiety, I hope they are of some help :


    contiuously obsessed with dying
    'what if this is it this time thoughts'
    CONSTANT CHECKING
    can someone reasure me?
    Fear of tumour...
    25, new to the site & would LOVE SOME ADVICE !
    Holiday broke the vicious cycle
    health anxiety sucks!!
    Reassurance Seeking - Is it Ok??
    lymphoma at 17? unlikely i know...but still...
    Having one right now


    Take care
    Trac xx




    'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    Hi and welcolme to the forum.I to suffer from HA and its only over the last 2-3 weeks that i have started to come to terms with the fact that is what i have but if it had not been for the support of everyone on here i dont know where I would be.My HA i think stems from trauma over the last 2- yrs where I lost my mother to cancer ,my friend to a heart attack ( he was only 42) and my best friend had a stroke 3 wks before his 40th.I think that now ive reached 40 it should be my turn,silly, but thats how this condition seems to affect me.The worst for me was about 4 weeks ago where due to all the crap going on in my body I really thought I was losing it,not able to come to terms with the fact that cause i felt so crap I HAD to have some physical condition,that what HA does to you.I can only hope you find some comfort and re-assurance from the people who post back to you,they have been there and are still there and i have found the support from all who have posted to me has been so helpfull in helping me come to terms with my condition.Take care...

    Mark X

  6. #6
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    Jun 2006
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    Thank you sooo much for all of your kind replies, I feel very blessed and lucky for having found this forum! Generally I am feeling better now than I did at the time I posted my first message so I believe these reply post are soothing for my mind
    Thanks again! xx

    " The solution to a problem is right through it..."

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
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    hi and welcome to the site

    i to suffer with health anxiety. I was getting alot better until a few weeks ago when a friend died suddenly. She was the same age as me and i got it into my head that i was gonna die of the same thing to.

    i am so glad i found this site, to know that the are people going through the same things as you makes it slightly easier to bear.

    take care

    love mandie x

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