Feeling extremely alone right now

[PokerFace]

I've suffered with general anxiety and health anxiety very badly for about ..13 weeks. I got a lot better for a few weeks but it came back and hit me in the face quite badly Wednesday of last week. All my heart fears have come back, I'm on edge I can't relax etc as I'm sure many of you know the awful feeling I'm talking about.

Last night I had two viscious ectopic beats I think they're called when I was in the shower and they scared me quite badly. I came downstairs and told my mum and she was very unsupportive. I went quiet for a while then my sister came down and asked what was wrong and I told her then she asked what an ectopic beat was. I tried to explain to her and halfway through my sentance my mum just shouted SHUT UP EMMA WE DON'T CARE. Which REALLY upset me obviously so I cried for a bit then decided to go to bed. When I was in bed I felt like a scraping feeling in my throat then my heart beat REALLY hard for 4 or 5 beats kind of like 4/5 ectopic beats 1 after the other. I just sucked it up and ignored it and eventually fell asleep. I came downstairs this morning and told my mum something had happend last night and my stepdad piped up and said "oh did you have another heart attack?" like laughing at me so I said "No but this happend.." and I told her and she jus completely ignored me, so I asked if I'd done something wrong. She said that I was getting "boring" and there is NOTHING wrong with me and I need to get over it. She said that I'm gonna turn out like the little boy who cried wolf and one day somethings gonna be seriously wrong with me and no one will beleive me. So that worried me no end but I soldiered on through the day.

She's just told me that she loves me very very much but she can't/won't sympathise with me cuz it will make me worse, I'm not asking for sympathy though, maybe just a smile and a "you're gonna be ok" I told her that and she said she couldn't because it would make my anxietys worse so I just went to my room. I had another ectopic while I was in my room and I get REALLY scared when they happen but now I've got no one to run to no one to reassure me I have to keep it all in and I don't know what to do it's making me a lot worse rather than better. When this all started she would reassure me and tell me it was ok, now I guess I've just pushed it too far and shes frustrated.

I don't understand because when I told her I was going to go to the doctors to try and get help, she went mad at me. Saying I don't NEED drugs I don't NEED help, that I NEED to get over myself and theres is NOTHING wrong with me, that I will have to wait ages for an appointment because "people like me" aren't an emergency case, which of course put me off going to the doctors as I'm scared of them anyway I don't want them to treat me like a dummy and just push me to the side.

I'm worrying about everything now as well as my heart. I'm worrying about my relationship with my mother, I'm worried about still not being "cured" of my anxiety, if she will start to really dislike me because of what I'm going through and what I'm putting her through. I'm worried about having to pretend theres nothing wrong, about having to hide what I'm feeling. I don't want to be a different person around my family and have to wait til I'm alone to let it all out and try to deal.

Don't get me wrong, my mum isn't a bad mother she's amazing, I know it's hard for her to see me like this and she's trying to help (cruel to be kind and all that) but I just feel 10 times worse, I guess deep down she really doesn't understand. I feel really alone.

Sorry for the long post, just maybe any suggestions of how to deal with it or a simple "you're never alone" will do.

[Anxious_gal]

you know around the time of your period your anxiety can get bad!
that's where I am at right now, my anxiety is so extreme, I'm paranoid and scared of everything. also at that time and even with just anxiety on it's on you become over sensitive to everything.

palpation's are scary, I get them too, your heart can race not stop for hours, missed beats and so on, you can feel like you can't breath and your chest feels so tight. you know anyone would be scared.

most people who don't experience anxiety are sympathetic at first and then they get fed up with and just want you to be "normal".
it's very hard when people are unsympathetic and don't care about your emotions.
we seem to live in a world where if your bleeding people will come to your aid but if your emotionally hurting people don't care.
i think this is because people find emotions at times hard to relate to unless they are experiencing it themselves,

your family sound like mine in the way they seem to think your making things up for attention.
thing is anxiety symptoms are real and physical!
have you been seeing a doctor? you really need support outside your friends and family x

what your mother is doing IS WRONG, preventing you from seeking help? there is NO excuse for that.
she may be a good mother but she is a person, she is human and she is naturally selfish like the rest of us.
we do have a habit of thinking everything our parents do is right.

the only way this won't get worse is to see a doctor.
you know you need to trust yourself and do what you feel is right and o what you need to do in order to get better.

sorry I get mad when I can see your hurting and are not getting any support and I have that problem too.
think of yourself as a child and what would you do to help her ?

[Baggs]

I go into the chatroom a lot - would be lost without it. Maybe give it a try. All the best. Baggs.

[PokerFace]

Thanks for replying so quickly guys, really has made a difference. No I'm not young I'm 20 years old, pretty embarassing but when the bad anx started off I ran back home to my mum cuz I was so scared. No I havn't been seeing a doctor I'm truly scared of them, I don't know why, always have been. I plucked up the courage to decide to go then my mum made me think twice. I keep going to pick up the phone and ring them then I just think "I can't" and don't call. Feel really lost it's frustrating.

[PoppyC]

Hi Emma
Sorry buti am trying to type this when I have had nearly a bottle of Merlot and depressed from Englands game.
Baggs is right - try the chat room!
The week before my period is due I feel so much more anxious and down - good old PMT!
Just to let you know you are not alone. I feel alone even in company.
I think when we have anxiety and depression it is so easy to feel like that.
Sometimes I feel like the loneliest person ever and yet there are people in my life.
I am not in the best position right now to say anything worthwhile but just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in how you feel.

[PokerFace]

Aww thank you poppy! That's very sweet made me smile haha. Think you girls are making a good point, I'm due on pretty soon maybe that IS whats upsetting me so much. :(

[Ronster]

Emma,

No disrespect but I'm a a strait shooter, so here it is. I'm 47 years old and have been dealing with anxiety since my mid 20's. When I was young. My dear you are young and you should have better support at home from what it seems your getting. Anxiety and heart palpatations come from somewhere. From reading your first thread I wonder what your childhood was like. words like, " your getting boring", " Shut up Emma we don't care", "are you having another heart attack" These are all responses of insensitivity, disrespect and abuse. If you have been enduring this type of parenting since your younger years than I can see why you have anxiety at such a young age. Really! It sounded like you were describing my Dad, my childhood was filled with negativity and I could never do anything right. If your self-confidence is challenged this might explain your fear of seeing your doctor. In reality you should be able to trust your doctor and go in with comfort. I fully respect my doctor, don't always agree with her but trust her and listen to her expertese.
I had heat palpitations myself two years ago, you usually get these by what you put in your mouth, coffee, soda, pot, cigs, booze, stess are all causes particularly if you do a bunch of this stuff together.
I agreee wioth Mishel, you need to see your doctor and don;t be afraid to tell them what's going on with you. This is very common stuff. If you don't feel respected ffrom your gp or feel uncumfortable then you need to change your doctor. There is no reason to fear going to your doctor as I mentioned above. I would consider what your eating, drinking. See a doctor, maybe a counsler. Also what Mishel said about people who can't relate to this eventually don;t want to hear about it as what sound's like what's going on with your family is a fact. They seem not to understand it and don;t want to be downed out by us. I tend to keep it away from my wife as much as I can. She is sympathetic but doesn't want to be downed out in the process. When I'm really low she can tell anyway. SO when I'm medium or better I keep it to myself.

I hope some of this makes sense, again I mean no disrespect just support. Oh, exercise is the nbest thing for me to help get rid of the anxiety. All you have to do is sweat a bit and it can help.

Write anytime,

Ron

[PokerFace]

Thanks a lot for your support Ronster and don't worry I didn't take offense to it at all. I honestly don't know why I'm so scared of doctors just the thought of it fills me with dread. I'm gonna really push myself to go though cuz I think it would do me the world of good and like you said doctors are there to help and to be trusted! As for the palpitations and stuff I'm gonna start avoiding the stuff you mentioned see if it makes a difference and start exercising again. I've forgot how good it made me feel cuz I havn't done it since I got all scared about my heart again.

Don't feel as alone now so thanks to everyone whos replied with their experiences and thoughts, really has made a difference xxx