I'm an absolute doormat.

[KeeKee]

As many on here know I have a very difficult relationship with my other half.

He treats me like crap and I put up with it (I'm not perfect though and I also speak to him like crap at times). Time after time after time. I'm well and truly sick of it. I am so weak that I'm too scared to end it and be left alone.

Besides our daughter my partner comes before anybody. I love him to death and would die or kill for him should such an extreme situation occur. However this never feels reciprocated. We've been together a little over 11 years and no talk of marriage and engagement has ever come up.

Today he isn't speaking to me yet again because I wasn't happy that he wasn't meeting me today (one minute he wasn't, the next he's snapping saying he didn't say he wasn't). Now I do have depression/anxiety etc and do feel worthless and like people don't like me, but I know when somebody can't be bothered with me and it seems my partner is like this more often than ever. We don't sleep together and I'm finding it very frustrating. I don't get why a healthy man in their late 20's wouldn't want to sleep with their long term partner, whom they supposedly find attractive.

I know I should walk, leave it all behind me and move on but I'm so scared of being alone. I sit about all day by myself as leaving the house is very difficult. Due to my depression I'm not very pleasant to be around, for example I hate the sun, don't like going for walks (unless it's dark or raining), hate the beach etc, get really agitated with loud noise, not interested in small talk and so on, so I'm worried I'll never be able to make friends. I do love animals but in 'real life' I don't know anybody who shares this with me.

Even putting the bins out is very difficult, I hate it so much. I feel like an outsider where I live, even though I've lived here 9 years now. I hate my house, my garden etc. I'm so unhappy. It's very shallow but I am constantly looking at my appearance in mirrors I HATE the way I look (I have BDD) and feel like if I separated from my partner I'd be single for the rest of my life which is very upsetting as I really crave intimacy, lately more than ever.

I'm ashamed to admit I don't really do much housework either. I wash dishes and clothes and change the cat litter etc but that is it. I rarely hoover, I never dust or polish. I have zero pride in my house. I have plaster on my walls from when I had a boiler but in 2 years ago and still haven't painted it. I have no push to do anything. I'm sick of it all.

My partner was with me when I was at my best physically and mentally, and it still wasn't enough. I'm now at my lowest mentally and physically I'm really out of shape (not overweight but no muscle tone at all) and look knackered with dark circles that do not seem to go away even for a day. I feel like I'm about to crack.

I recently finished my third lot of therapy. I feel lost and don't know where to go from here.

[SLA]

I love him to death and would die or kill for him should such an extreme situation occur.

That "extreme situation" you talk about…. Is happening now.

Don’t let the wake-up call you need be the final curtain on your relationship. Because it was for me, and when I got the wake-up call, it was too late. Adios.

You currently have an opportunity to make a difference, to save it, and to make a change. But it is all down to you to instigate the change you want to see happen. It doesn’t have to be massive to start with. But you have to start being very open about how you feel, and what you want your life to be like.

You say you’d do anything for him… it’s time to put that into action.

You obviously struggle very much with your mental health, and it seems difficult to complete the simplest of tasks. But if you want to save your relationship, you have to try now before its too late.

That "extreme situation" you talk about, is happening slowly each day you don't take action.

[KeeKee]

Thank you for replying SLA.

I honestly don't know what else I can do to try and save my relationship though. He knows everything I've wrote on this forum etc, I tell him every little thing in my life. He knows I am unhappy and he also knows I'm willing to work on anything to keep our family together. However he never knows what things he would like me to work on as he can never remember. He won't talk about things and when annoyed I'll get the silent treatment and so on.

I know our relationship is hanging on by a thread, but it's very hard to get through to him, there is not really anything else I can do in my eyes. I've tried everything. I don't even get a thank you or anything when I pay for dinner. I genuinely feel like he doesn't want to be with me, I'm just too scared to end things myself.

[SLA]

How about hoovering, and getting back some pride in your house?

That'd be a simple step.

You don't need motivation to do it, and if you do, then feeling better about where you live is a pretty good one.

[KeeKee]

With all due respect how would that help with my relationship though?

---------- Post added at 12:58 ---------- Previous post was at 12:57 ----------

I will never like where I live we've never been happy here.

[Katy_o]

I think what SLA may be getting at is doing some hoovering and taking some pride in your home again is one thing you can absolutely take control of today.

From bitter experience, it doesn't matter how much you are willing to work on your relationship if the other person doesn't feel the same way. Does your partner want to work on things?

[SLA]

I don't think there is anything I can really write which will get you out of this hole.

With all due respect how would that help with my relationship though?

Well, people generally feel better living in a clean environment.

[KeeKee]

I have no pride in my home though, I wish I did but I don't. Nobody visits me or anything so what is the point? It's not like I'm living in filth, my house isn't dirty, it's just not nice either if that makes sense. I despise this house and not just because I don't do housework. I hate the layout and everything.

I'm not sure if my partner wants to work on things, it doesn't seem that way but when I ask it's always the same 'Of course I do' response but that is all I get. He won't meet up with me today because of the mood I'm in apparently. I'm sorry you had to experience that.

---------- Post added at 13:18 ---------- Previous post was at 13:11 ----------

I don't think there is anything I can really write which will get you out of this hole.



Well, people generally feel better living in a clean environment.

My house isn't dirty, I have 3 cats so have to keep on top of things. I really meant things like the stairs etc, I only hoover when its pretty obvious you need to hoover etc. I never polish as I just don't see the point and I never dust as again, if things aren't dusty why dust? However the reason I mentioned these is that most people I know do hoover, dust etc even when there is no visible dirt or fluff, whereas I don't.

Moving houses may make me feel better, but this house will not.I've lived here 9 years and have never liked the house, my family have always told me "You need to get away from there" etc. It's nothing to do with the cleanliness of my house, i just simply hate this house, garden and area (not the people).

I understand having pride in my home is a good thing, but it in no way affects my relationship.

[pulisa]

Do you think you would still be in this relationship if you hadn't got your daughter, KeeKee?

[.Poppy.]

Is it possible for you to move? I assume you own this house - can you sell it and buy a different one in a new area that would give you a change of pace?