Originally Posted by
KeeKee
Thank you for your reply ISB.
I come on here as a way to vent, I'm not expecting anybody to change my life. I do not feel sorry for myself I'm simply releasing my emotions as opposed to bottling them up.
I do wash my hair. I am a very, very clean person, my hair and makeup are always done before I leave the house, I wear clean clothes each day. I look unkempt due to my bad skin and terrible hair condition, there is nothing I can do about either.
Natural remedies have side effects too, I got spots simply from taking a multivitamin (I have acne but these were different types of spots, kind of like a rash you'd get from wearing cheap makeup) so I'm very reluctant to try anything like that. Also, if even one person has gained weight I will not go near it.
If I was able to volunteer and commit to being around others, I'd be able to work. It's not as simple as just doing something. I have extreme self esteem issues, if people look at my face when I'm talking to them I get really anxious feeling like they're judging my appearance.
I don't want to complain about my life ever, but sometimes you just have to let it all out. There's nobody else I can talk to.
I know changes can help improve ones life, but I'm not sure what I can do to change my life and circumstances. I have no idea whatsoever what I could do to make myself happy. I do enjoy crafting, but I do small things like that anyway. It's not like I just sit here staring at the wall all day, I do do the small things i enjoy in life. I enjoy my cats, I enjoy looking at pictures of animals on my phone, I enjoy reading, I enjoy listening to some music which I do most days, but it doesn't give me the confidence to go out and be around others.
I wish there was something I could do to fill my time up, I wish there was something I enjoyed and could go out and volunteer (of better yet work and actually earn some money and be able to take my child out) but I've no idea what, me not being able to tie my hair up or have skin out makes things so hard. I love animals but it's hard looking after my own never mind going to a shelter and looking after others.
Again, I do enjoy being alone at times, but not all the time. If I don't feel comfortable in front of my own relatives who I've grown up with, how will I ever feel comfortable in front of other people.
Even before my mental health issues, the only thing I can think of that kept me happy was the confidence in my own appearance. I could wear nice clothes, went out drinking and got complimented on how I looked. I know it's shallow, but unfortunately that's how my mind works. When I don't look good, I don't feel good. And lately I look like utter crap.
---------- Post added at 14:57 ---------- Previous post was at 14:51 ----------
Thanks bigboy I'll have a look on. I just find it very difficult to socialise when I'm feeling this low. I genuinely have virtually no interest in holding a conversation and find I'm the opposite of most people. For example when random people talk to me it's nearly always about the weather. It's either lovely day or awful day but the Sun to me is an awful day and when it's dull and dingy I instantly feel more alive so that is a nice day to me. Put in a few showers every few hours and I'd be in my element. I either have to lie and pretend it's a lovely day or people look at me like I'm nuts when I say I don't like the Sun. It makes me feel like I'm odd. Then I get the comments in the Summer such as "Why are you wearing that coat?", "Why don't you just tie your hair back" etc and I don't really know how to answer them. I dread being around others and it always ultimately comes back to my self image. I feel so ugly and I know it's shallow, I know looks aren't everything, but I just hate the way I look, I can't stop looking at myself in the mirror and it makes me feel worse.
---------- Post added at 15:00 ---------- Previous post was at 14:57 ----------
Bigboy do you have any idea which areas 'Changes' covers? I've looked at that link and can only see a select few on the home page, none of which I have any idea where they are.