Page 1 of 8 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 72

Thread: Feeling so lonely.

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    2,342

    Feeling so lonely.

    As few of you already know, my relationship has been on the brink for quite a while now. My partner hasn't made an effort to see me or our daughter this week and we haven't seen him since Sunday and won't until tomorrow as he has to wait in for someone this evening. I've basically told him there's no point anymore and I'm sick of trying. He doesn't seem bothered.

    Other than my daughter, I haven't seen anybody I know since Sunday and I feel really lonely. I do like to be alone too, but all day for 3 days is so difficult. I usually meet a relative on a Wednesday in town but they're not going today. So another day alone. Feeling so down, for the past decade my partner has been pretty much my only company (bar a few hours here and there with relatives), now it seems I just have to accept he isn't interested.

    I don't feel comfortable around my relatives, I have to watch what I say as they always have an opinion on things. I can't even discipline my daughter without being undermined so if she's there with me I spend the whole time nervous in case she acts up and I have to tell her off (she rarely does but does occasionally). I only have one friend who I rarely meet up with. I feel like a complete loser.

    I feel so sickly today, don't really know what to do with myself anymore. Not interested in TV (I do like some programmes but usually can't pay attention unless I'm in bed), I've eye strain so can't read at the moment. No point leaving the house as nowhere to go and can't stand going for walks, with anybody never mind alone. It's another Sunny day which always makes me feel worse.

    Just feel so low and down in the dumps. The school run is really getting me down it always makes me sweat which makes my face greasy, which makes me feel even worse. I look unkempt a lot as I have really dark circles, spots and greasy skin and my hair is in terrible condition (a relative thinks it could be stress as my hair was always lovely and shiny until I started feeling really low and also developed dark circles at the same time) so even if I get a little overheated my hair turns into a frizzy mess. I just can't see any purpose. I've been getting blurry vision in my left eye too, which is starting to unsettle me. I just don't feel right.

    Sorry to anybody who reads this for yet another miserable post I just feel horrible. Each month things seem worse. I feel so low and whilst being single isn't the worst thing in the world, I crave intimacy so bad. I've had virtually no sex life for the past 5 years and it's really, really getting me down.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    3,250

    Re: Feeling so lonely.

    Keekee, your posts have all been the same for years, never mind days or weeks. You really do feel sorry for yourself. Therapy hasn't worked, meds haven't worked...yes we know you can't take prescribed meds because of side effects, but you've never got back to anybody about the natural remedies suggested to you. Did any of them work? Did you even try?

    You go on about the boyfriend who isn't interested and the relatives. Stop relying on other people to help you live your life and make you happy. Only you can make you happy. You constantly list all the things that make your life so miserable. ..so change what you can. Wash your hair, put your make up on and get out of the house and do something about it. Or try your hand at crafting at home, making toys or jewellery etc. But I know from all your previous threads that you just can't be bothered, or there's always a reason why you can't do something.

    If you can't face going shopping or for a coffee on your own, ask at the school if you can volunteer for a few mornings, you're there anyway while dropping your daughter off. It's what my daughter did when her twins were in Primary school. She used to help with the craft table and reading corner, she stuck with it and eventually got paid to do it.

    Her boys are 15 now and for the last 6 years she's been manger of the breakfast and after school club. She used to be alone at home all day, depressed and lonely and had no friends, and she's quite a shy girl...not like me at all! But she made the changes, it was small steps but she got there, and has made some really good friends along the way. She was also unhappy in her marriage for many years and is now getting divorced, but she's doing ok, she's getting on with her life. I'm proud of her.

    Only you can make changes Keekee, nobody here can do that for you. All we can do is repeat the suggestions we always make over and over again. Surely you don't want to be still complaining about your life for another 10 years? And there are alot of people on this forum who feel like crap every day, but they get themselves out there, they give things a go. It's what you have to do.

    Take care
    ISB x
    Last edited by Catherine S; 25-01-17 at 15:20.
    __________________
    Without fear there cannot be courage - Christopher Paolini

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    4,369

    Re: Feeling so lonely.

    Aww KeeKee Iam sorry to hear this yet again. Well at least you have told him, he isn't interested by what you are telling us, So you have you answer, and again you deserve better. You contacting a charity called Changes I have gone back to them and my first small (and I mean small) groups is tomorrow there is only 2 other users plus me and plus a trained coordinator it's a safe enviorment and is totally none judgemental and you aren't forced to speak unless you want to. I have nearly hit rock bottom my self but am looking forward to going to changes. At least look at the website: http://www.changes.org.uk You can not continue like you are doing ok, no if's, no buts do look at the website they even have social groups and craft making etc too Good luck

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    2,342

    Re: Feeling so lonely.

    Thank you for your reply ISB.

    I come on here as a way to vent, I'm not expecting anybody to change my life. I do not feel sorry for myself I'm simply releasing my emotions as opposed to bottling them up.

    I do wash my hair. I am a very, very clean person, my hair and makeup are always done before I leave the house, I wear clean clothes each day. I look unkempt due to my bad skin and terrible hair condition, there is nothing I can do about either.

    Natural remedies have side effects too, I got spots simply from taking a multivitamin (I have acne but these were different types of spots, kind of like a rash you'd get from wearing cheap makeup) so I'm very reluctant to try anything like that. Also, if even one person has gained weight I will not go near it.

    If I was able to volunteer and commit to being around others, I'd be able to work. It's not as simple as just doing something. I have extreme self esteem issues, if people look at my face when I'm talking to them I get really anxious feeling like they're judging my appearance.

    I don't want to complain about my life ever, but sometimes you just have to let it all out. There's nobody else I can talk to.

    I know changes can help improve ones life, but I'm not sure what I can do to change my life and circumstances. I have no idea whatsoever what I could do to make myself happy. I do enjoy crafting, but I do small things like that anyway. It's not like I just sit here staring at the wall all day, I do do the small things i enjoy in life. I enjoy my cats, I enjoy looking at pictures of animals on my phone, I enjoy reading, I enjoy listening to some music which I do most days, but it doesn't give me the confidence to go out and be around others.

    I wish there was something I could do to fill my time up, I wish there was something I enjoyed and could go out and volunteer (of better yet work and actually earn some money and be able to take my child out) but I've no idea what, me not being able to tie my hair up or have skin out makes things so hard. I love animals but it's hard looking after my own never mind going to a shelter and looking after others.

    Again, I do enjoy being alone at times, but not all the time. If I don't feel comfortable in front of my own relatives who I've grown up with, how will I ever feel comfortable in front of other people.

    Even before my mental health issues, the only thing I can think of that kept me happy was the confidence in my own appearance. I could wear nice clothes, went out drinking and got complimented on how I looked. I know it's shallow, but unfortunately that's how my mind works. When I don't look good, I don't feel good. And lately I look like utter crap.

    ---------- Post added at 14:57 ---------- Previous post was at 14:51 ----------

    Quote Originally Posted by Bigboyuk View Post
    Aww KeeKee Iam sorry to hear this yet again. Well at least you have told him, he isn't interested by what you are telling us, So you have you answer, and again you deserve better. You contacting a charity called Changes I have gone back to them and my first small (and I mean small) groups is tomorrow there is only 2 other users plus me and plus a trained coordinator it's a safe enviorment and is totally none judgemental and you aren't forced to speak unless you want to. I have nearly hit rock bottom my self but am looking forward to going to changes. At least look at the website: http://www.changes.org.uk You can not continue like you are doing ok, no if's, no buts do look at the website they even have social groups and craft making etc too Good luck
    Thanks bigboy I'll have a look on. I just find it very difficult to socialise when I'm feeling this low. I genuinely have virtually no interest in holding a conversation and find I'm the opposite of most people. For example when random people talk to me it's nearly always about the weather. It's either lovely day or awful day but the Sun to me is an awful day and when it's dull and dingy I instantly feel more alive so that is a nice day to me. Put in a few showers every few hours and I'd be in my element. I either have to lie and pretend it's a lovely day or people look at me like I'm nuts when I say I don't like the Sun. It makes me feel like I'm odd. Then I get the comments in the Summer such as "Why are you wearing that coat?", "Why don't you just tie your hair back" etc and I don't really know how to answer them. I dread being around others and it always ultimately comes back to my self image. I feel so ugly and I know it's shallow, I know looks aren't everything, but I just hate the way I look, I can't stop looking at myself in the mirror and it makes me feel worse.

    ---------- Post added at 15:00 ---------- Previous post was at 14:57 ----------

    Bigboy do you have any idea which areas 'Changes' covers? I've looked at that link and can only see a select few on the home page, none of which I have any idea where they are.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    377

    Re: Feeling so lonely.

    Contact your friend, see if they are free for a few hours so you can catch up. That might be a nice short term relief.

    I'm sure you've heard this time and time again, but change starts with you. Small steps and determination are key. Are you determined to make a change?

    EDIT: I wrote this before reading your previous post.

    2nd EDIT: It seems that they key to change may be dealing with your BDD. I presume you've been diagnosed, have you had help for that? If you can throw yourself into treating that I think you can begin to move on.
    Last edited by Kuatir; 25-01-17 at 16:16.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    3,250

    Re: Feeling so lonely.

    You see? Now that reply of yours was quite a defiant one, which is how you tend to react if you think anybody is having a go. You then go into defensive mode, listing all the positive things about yourself and your life. So why are your initial posts always so negative? And you're not just venting, you're seeking sympathy and reassurance which you get here in bucketsfull. I'm glad you're not really as bad as you say in your first posts. Keep up the positivity.

    ISB x
    __________________
    Without fear there cannot be courage - Christopher Paolini

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    2,342

    Re: Feeling so lonely.

    Hi Kuatir, my friend isn't normally available, last time we met up it took 5 attempts as there was always an excuse. We have discussed meeting up in a couple of weeks but it all depends on when they're available, we do text regularly.
    Yes I am determined.

    I've never been formally diagnosed with BDD but it's been mentioned in each of my therapies and I'm pretty sure my GP mentioned it once, so I've never had therapy tailored to that. Each therapy I've had has been all over the place to be honest, I truly question whether they were ever fully trained (my last therapist did say they were 3/4 way through their training).

    When I mentioned me not being able to tie my hair up to one therapist, they asked me to tie it up in front of them and tell them how I feel, when I couldn't I was deemed not willing to try things as opposed to not being able. If I could tie my hair up on front of anybody it would be my partner as I trust him more than anybody, but I simply can't. I haven't tied my hair up in over a decade. I'm not going to be able to do so just like that.

    ---------- Post added at 15:42 ---------- Previous post was at 15:38 ----------

    Quote Originally Posted by I still Believe View Post
    You see? Now that reply of yours was quite a defiant one, which is how you tend to react if you think anybody is having a go. You then go into defensive mode, listing all the positive things about yourself and your life. So why are your initial posts always so negative? And you're not just venting, you're seeking sympathy and reassurance which you get here in bucketsfull. I'm glad you're not really as bad as you say in your first posts. Keep up the positivity.

    ISB x
    So you're accusing me of lying about my situation with your "I'm glad you're not really as bad as you say in your first posts"? ISB I am in no way seeking sympathy I have always used this forum as a way to vent, as advised by a therapist due to me feeling like I can't tell anybody how I feel. I'm in no way being 'defiant' and find your comment to be quiet offensive.

    What exactly am I seeking reassurance for?

    May I ask how you know how I tend to react when I think people are having a go (I've never felt like people were having a go at me on this forum, ever, that is why I feel so comfortable posting such personal issues)? Which of my posts suggest this to be true?

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    4,369

    Re: Feeling so lonely.

    Quote Originally Posted by KeeKee View Post
    Thank you for your reply ISB.

    I come on here as a way to vent, I'm not expecting anybody to change my life. I do not feel sorry for myself I'm simply releasing my emotions as opposed to bottling them up.

    I do wash my hair. I am a very, very clean person, my hair and makeup are always done before I leave the house, I wear clean clothes each day. I look unkempt due to my bad skin and terrible hair condition, there is nothing I can do about either.

    Natural remedies have side effects too, I got spots simply from taking a multivitamin (I have acne but these were different types of spots, kind of like a rash you'd get from wearing cheap makeup) so I'm very reluctant to try anything like that. Also, if even one person has gained weight I will not go near it.

    If I was able to volunteer and commit to being around others, I'd be able to work. It's not as simple as just doing something. I have extreme self esteem issues, if people look at my face when I'm talking to them I get really anxious feeling like they're judging my appearance.

    I don't want to complain about my life ever, but sometimes you just have to let it all out. There's nobody else I can talk to.

    I know changes can help improve ones life, but I'm not sure what I can do to change my life and circumstances. I have no idea whatsoever what I could do to make myself happy. I do enjoy crafting, but I do small things like that anyway. It's not like I just sit here staring at the wall all day, I do do the small things i enjoy in life. I enjoy my cats, I enjoy looking at pictures of animals on my phone, I enjoy reading, I enjoy listening to some music which I do most days, but it doesn't give me the confidence to go out and be around others.

    I wish there was something I could do to fill my time up, I wish there was something I enjoyed and could go out and volunteer (of better yet work and actually earn some money and be able to take my child out) but I've no idea what, me not being able to tie my hair up or have skin out makes things so hard. I love animals but it's hard looking after my own never mind going to a shelter and looking after others.

    Again, I do enjoy being alone at times, but not all the time. If I don't feel comfortable in front of my own relatives who I've grown up with, how will I ever feel comfortable in front of other people.

    Even before my mental health issues, the only thing I can think of that kept me happy was the confidence in my own appearance. I could wear nice clothes, went out drinking and got complimented on how I looked. I know it's shallow, but unfortunately that's how my mind works. When I don't look good, I don't feel good. And lately I look like utter crap.

    ---------- Post added at 14:57 ---------- Previous post was at 14:51 ----------



    Thanks bigboy I'll have a look on. I just find it very difficult to socialise when I'm feeling this low. I genuinely have virtually no interest in holding a conversation and find I'm the opposite of most people. For example when random people talk to me it's nearly always about the weather. It's either lovely day or awful day but the Sun to me is an awful day and when it's dull and dingy I instantly feel more alive so that is a nice day to me. Put in a few showers every few hours and I'd be in my element. I either have to lie and pretend it's a lovely day or people look at me like I'm nuts when I say I don't like the Sun. It makes me feel like I'm odd. Then I get the comments in the Summer such as "Why are you wearing that coat?", "Why don't you just tie your hair back" etc and I don't really know how to answer them. I dread being around others and it always ultimately comes back to my self image. I feel so ugly and I know it's shallow, I know looks aren't everything, but I just hate the way I look, I can't stop looking at myself in the mirror and it makes me feel worse.

    ---------- Post added at 15:00 ---------- Previous post was at 14:57 ----------

    Bigboy do you have any idea which areas 'Changes' covers? I've looked at that link and can only see a select few on the home page, none of which I have any idea where they are.
    Hi KeeKee Do you want to be where you are now in 12 months time ( I am sure I know the answer!) Changes come from within Ok I am even though I am mentally tired of the way some ppl act, lie, promise this and that for me and exhausted but decided now is the time for changes Hence me contacting them. Not sure of the area's they cover but it's worth contacting them. All corodinators have been users of changes too so know how you are feeling you go to as many workshops, social get togethers as you wish same as a courses to help you get better eg 6 week course on aniexty just do one meeting if you like miss one go back and no questions asked. So to clarify iam not 100% what area's they cover in the uk if they don't cover your area they will put you in touch with some other ogranisation to help you If you like the way you are then stay as you are and vent away, Not being harsh but if you want to change then ppl on here will guide you etc. I have taken the plunge, so can you Cheers

    ---------- Post added at 16:04 ---------- Previous post was at 15:49 ----------

    Quote Originally Posted by KeeKee View Post
    Hi Kuatir, my friend isn't normally available, last time we met up it took 5 attempts as there was always an excuse. We have discussed meeting up in a couple of weeks but it all depends on when they're available, we do text regularly.
    Yes I am determined.

    I've never been formally diagnosed with BDD but it's been mentioned in each of my therapies and I'm pretty sure my GP mentioned it once, so I've never had therapy tailored to that. Each therapy I've had has been all over the place to be honest, I truly question whether they were ever fully trained (my last therapist did say they were 3/4 way through their training).

    When I mentioned me not being able to tie my hair up to one therapist, they asked me to tie it up in front of them and tell them how I feel, when I couldn't I was deemed not willing to try things as opposed to not being able. If I could tie my hair up on front of anybody it would be my partner as I trust him more than anybody, but I simply can't. I haven't tied my hair up in over a decade. I'm not going to be able to do so just like that.

    ---------- Post added at 15:42 ---------- Previous post was at 15:38 ----------



    So you're accusing me of lying about my situation with your "I'm glad you're not really as bad as you say in your first posts"? ISB I am in no way seeking sympathy I have always used this forum as a way to vent, as advised by a therapist due to me feeling like I can't tell anybody how I feel. I'm in no way being 'defiant' and find your comment to be quiet offensive.

    What exactly am I seeking reassurance for?

    May I ask how you know how I tend to react when I think people are having a go (I've never felt like people were having a go at me on this forum, ever, that is why I feel so comfortable posting such personal issues)? Which of my posts suggest this to be true?
    Well first thing is make appointment with your Dr and get a firm diagnoises on your condition wither it's BDD or anxiety or what ever. Then get a treatment plan set up and ask for a trained therapist to see you ( I don't think I would want a half trained therapist either) As for your friend if you are having too many excuses does that tell you something and I know this maybe the only life line you have at the moment ( have been there my self too ) And you say you only trust you BF when he asks to you to tie your hair up. It's simple you love him he doesn't care one bit about you sorry being very blunt but think I need to be for your own good. so that being why would you trust some one who doesn't care or love you, you wouldn't would you ?? It's going to be baby steps, just like it is for me from tomorrow you can start too if you want too hun XX

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    377

    Re: Feeling so lonely.

    Quote Originally Posted by KeeKee View Post
    Hi Kuatir, my friend isn't normally available, last time we met up it took 5 attempts as there was always an excuse. We have discussed meeting up in a couple of weeks but it all depends on when they're available, we do text regularly.
    Yes I am determined.

    I've never been formally diagnosed with BDD but it's been mentioned in each of my therapies and I'm pretty sure my GP mentioned it once, so I've never had therapy tailored to that. Each therapy I've had has been all over the place to be honest, I truly question whether they were ever fully trained (my last therapist did say they were 3/4 way through their training).

    When I mentioned me not being able to tie my hair up to one therapist, they asked me to tie it up in front of them and tell them how I feel, when I couldn't I was deemed not willing to try things as opposed to not being able. If I could tie my hair up on front of anybody it would be my partner as I trust him more than anybody, but I simply can't. I haven't tied my hair up in over a decade. I'm not going to be able to do so just like that.
    Life get's in the way and sometimes it can take a while to find the time to meet a friend. I am normally the one giving excuses and I feel bad about it, but I'm not making them up.

    From what I gather, a therapist that you gel with can sometimes be a job in itself. It doesn't sound like you've had much look. I'm not a therapist, but I would think that asking you to tie your hair up would be a no, no; or maybe something a long way down the line. What do I know though?!

    Can you tie your hair up when you are on your own?

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    2,342

    Re: Feeling so lonely.

    Hi again Bigboy. Yes I know what you mean, but I can't possibly think of any changes to incorporate. I've felt low for 9 years, lower for 4 years and extremely low for almost 2 years. I have no idea what caused any of it (although some relatives believe it was my partner, I personally don't think he is to blame). I've never been that much of a socialiser, I did enjoy going out drinking at one point, but other than that I'm a stay at home, reading with a nice coffee kind of girl. I do find it hard to socialise nowadays but ultimately it's my body image and I'm at the doctors in 12 days so I'll mention it then and see what he says. I'm not sure if I can specifically request the therapist be fully trained but I will mention that also.
    I'll ask my GP if he knows what things are on in the area.

    As for my friend to be fair they do have a family and also work so I can understand its just a bit frustrating at times when plans are changed. It's fine about being blunt my family have been saying the same about him for years it's nothing new. I just didn't want to be essentially a single parent (plus I do love him too).

Page 1 of 8 123 ... LastLast

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Feeling less lonely already - Hi!
    By iBloke in forum Health Anxiety
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 18-10-13, 13:02
  2. just feeling lonely ad down
    By keta in forum Virtual Hugs
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 04-02-12, 21:25
  3. Feeling down and so lonely!!
    By Hayley1982 in forum Depression from Panic/Anxiety
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 20-10-11, 20:06
  4. Feeling lonely
    By Cookie in forum Depression from Panic/Anxiety
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 04-09-09, 16:02
  5. feeling a tad lonely :-(
    By Peru83 in forum Depression from Panic/Anxiety
    Replies: 32
    Last Post: 09-08-05, 15:20

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •