How many drugs? Can't get over the stigma!

[DustingMyselfOff]

Hi Guys.
I'm not new to mental health issues, I started having panic attacks as a teen, had tics and OCD as early as 6 years old, havebeen battling anxiety and panic for decades. You would THINK that by now I would accept that it's part of me and that I need meds to help me be functional, but I can NOT seem to get over the stigma of being on mind-altering drugs.

For many years it was Xanax 3 times a day until I finally gave into my doctors urging to try Prozac. I have been on 20 mg. for 30 years now and for the most part it has helped a lot. I still needed the occasional tranquilizer but not daily.

A few months ago when I mentioned to my doc that I didn't think the same dosage of Prozac that I'd been taking for 30 years was doing much anymore so I said I either needed to get off of it, or perhaps increase the dosage. She didn't like either idea but instead urged me to try adding Gabapentin (a mood stabilizer). So now I take three of those a day in addition to the Prozac. Yes, I do see a big difference in the way I handle daily stresses, but thanks to constantly fluctuating thyroid levels, I still have lots of bad anxiety days. So she urges me to take my tranquilizers.

I feel so "broken" and crazy needing to have THREE different psych drugs in my arsenal! When I was very young my mother would threaten to lock me in a nuthouse if I didn't stop my facial tics and the stigma and shame has obviously never left me.

Can others share what "cocktails" of drugs work for them that they take daily? Maybe I will feel like less of a freak and a failure if I hear of others experiences, because no one I know or work with ever talks about being on any psych drugs. My doc says "you'd be surprised!" but still.... if I don't hear about it I feel like the oddball.

Thanks for listening.
Sue

[Ethansmom]

hi sue,
Sorry that no one has responded to you. I too tried Prozac a few years ago. I had a rough time starting it and gained 25 pounds over 7 months . I also took Xanax with it daily. The Prozac worked and then seemed to poop out at the 7 month mark . The weight gain wouldn’t stop so I weaned off the Prozac. Since then I have never found a drug to suit me other than klonopin. Right now I am trying SaMe-e , which is a natural supplement recommended by my doctor, along with my daily klonopin. Gabaoentin didn’t help, nor did Zoloft, lexapro, pristiq, viiibryd, or any of the others. They all induced panic and I could not ride it out during the first few weeks. I see the doctor next week to see if I try Effexor again( only tried it for three weeks.) I believe I had issues sleeping on that one .

Sara

[DustingMyselfOff]

Thanks for the reply, Sara. It is sad, disappointing and frustrating that after almost 50 views, no one has shared their medication experiences. Perhaps I'm not the only one that is embarrassed by all the meds I take, but I would think THIS is the safe place to share that. If we can't be open and honest here about our emotional and mental challenges, then where can we?

I'll reply to your private message now... thanks for writing.
Sue

[Ethansmom]

Agreed. I don’t get many responses these days, other than people shaming me for my klonopin use. I would have committed my self into a pay ward without them. I have a 7 year old boy to look after. I am married and work full time. Every day is a struggle. I can tell you that I work with some of the greatest women at work and they are ALL on some form of antidepressant. My best friend has bipolar depression and takes a mood stabilizer called depakote and something else ?? Can’t remeber The name.

[LouiseAndy]

I can't speak for myself personally but my best friend Mam takes more medication then I can list on one hand! She has a lot of mental illness issues. She is very public about this as well, as well as all the treatment she has like therapy and having to go into hospital wards after suffering a few melt downs. Yet she's open and honest about all of it. She had my best friend when she was only 15, so she says she this opened to show us all that we can suffer but to not be scared to hide it.

She's a wonderful woman, she a great Mam to my best friend, she works full-time in a rather good job. She does it all- yet she has said she couldn't do it without the help her medication. That's what helping her live her life and able to do all these things. So, as she would say "give two fingers" to anyone who turns to comment on what helps her, when it helps.

Sorry, I know know if this helps or not!!!

[DustingMyselfOff]

Yes, Louise, that post helped me a LOT! I am really getting angry at the stigma attached to mental illnesses and I have spent so much of my life (all of it, basically) trying to hide my issues and feeling inner shame about them (which only makes them worse). I have had doctor after doctor tell me that most mental illness are the same as physical illnesses and that most of it requires medication, just as diabetics do, just as cancer patients do, etc. They have tried for years to help me overcome the shame but it's one I can't seem to totally shake, so I spend most of my days "white knuckling" it to get through, to fake my way through a day or social event, and to dread anything that doesn't consist of being in my own home.

I'm angry that I've lived that way so long and am angry enough to say "Enough! I've still got some good years left in me and I want to start LIVING them!" When I was at a doc appointment Wednesday my doc urged me to take my tranquilizers regularly, rather than to wait until I was really suffering. I told her that if I had to list my medications to someone (like at another doctor's office or anywhere that is required to ask) I would feel like they would look at the list and think "Wow, this is a crazy person!" My doctor laughed and said "OK, so you're a crazy person. So what? State it before they do! Raise your hand and your voice and say "Yup, I'm crazy, but I'm functional and I'm happy and I'm living a full life, so if that's crazy, so be it!"

She also said that if I were to see some of the cocktails of drugs that others take I would see what an amateur I am. That's why I came here, to see what others are taking on a daily basis. This is the place I thought I could get honest, open answers about what people do to carry on with their lives and to manage their mental illnesses.

She used the word 'bipolar" during my last visit but we didn't really go into it in depth.... I will bring it up at my next visit, but I've been reading and researching to see if perhaps I fit that criteria. It does explain some of my behaviors and actions.

Thanks for sharing and being here.
Sue

[GiantMogwai]

Hi Sue, lots of people in other threads are talking about the range of medications they are on. Even if you haven't specifically gotten replies hope this makes you not feel too alone.

I've never been on more than two psych drugs at a time - antidepressants and benzodiazepines. I'm off the antidepressants now, but still take an occasional diazepam. I really don't like SSRIs because of the side effects.

I talk about my condition at work sometimes but not in too much detail. I know at least a few people at work who have been on psych drugs and also several people on my street, one who has bipolar. In all honesty I hate talking about my medication and condition but generally the people I talk to about it are fairly OK with it, and I do talk about it. These people are generally near home or work.

I'd say the main problem is lack of education, and when I've experienced this out and about. I've had to work on describing my condition to strangers a hell of a lot. I have a printed card I hand them if things get tough.

I have a huge problem with feeling trapped and meltdowns / screaming panic attacks. If I say "agoraphobia" some people either don't understand or tell me I don't have it as I can leave my house. If I say "claustrophobia" or "anxiety" people say that everyone has this. I've had people label me as a "psycho" for saying I have a mental health condition. They tell me I'm lying because I can manage to get on a train, no matter how much I'm freaking out inside. One guy said that there was no way he could know because "i didn't have a sign round my neck".

---------- Post added at 17:46 ---------- Previous post was at 17:39 ----------

Just to say though there have so far always been kind supportive understanding people about when I've needed it the most.

[DustingMyselfOff]

Thanks, Giant. I do realize most of the problem lies within MY internal feelings that mental illness is something to be ashamed of, a weakness, or an over-reaction. I know where they came from - that was drilled into me at a very young age. Time for me to let go of that somehow.

The few women at work I do share my issues with have all told me they have their magic pills to get them through a day so I know it's more common than I think. Maybe letting go of some of this shame and embarrassment would lower some of my overall anxiety, too.

Thanks.
Sue

[GiantMogwai]

Yeh, I feel weak for having mental illness, but then I also feel pretty useless not being able to physically exercise much anymore. Part of what I find difficult is it is me I get that but it also relates to experiences and environmental factors.

People get mentally ill not only because they change but also because society and their environment changes. I feel with mental illness that these other changes are not acknowledged enough and therefore those with some mental illnesses more often feel it is their weakness alone, which is unfair.

Is a soldier ever weak or at fault for having PTSD. I would say not. So why is any other mental illness any different. Just hypothesising here.

[ocdbaking]

I don't take a cocktail of drugs, but have been on medicate for years. I will never come off antidepressants as I cannot cope for long without them in my system. I am very open about my difficulties with OCD and off-and-on depression. I am yet to be treated badly or differently because of my issues.

I once felt weak for being mentally ill, then I had a counsellor that pointed out that I continue to live my life despite the sometimes very difficult days. I now acknowledge that I am actually very strong - I live my life, I keep going and I continue to succeed at home and work. I have wobbles, but I push through.

You are also strong.