No, this is not another thread asking for first symptoms. No, this is not another thread asking for opinions. This is a thread for me to declare I HAVE CANCER! 2 weeks ago I was diagnosed with Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma! (Age 30)
I say this here for a few reasons. I have suffered from mild health anxiety in the past. I think everyone does to a certain extent. I have visited this forum on many occasions in the past, needing to read something to keep me from panicking, to convince me that a doctor's visit was unnecessary, that everything was OK, that nothing was wrong.
I am here to declare that it is OK. No matter what you will be OK.
A month ago, on a Monday, I visited an ENT who looked at my issues and said 'I know you will have 1,000 questions but I think you have cancer'. Naturally, I panicked. I didn't want to believe him. I immediately called another ENT and scheduled an appointment for that Thursday. There's no way I could have cancer. That doesn't happen to young guys like me, right? I visited the next ENT who after I explained my first ENT visit, gave me a fresh starting point. He said 'let me examine you from scratch and I'll give my opinion'. I felt relieved. He examined me, looked me dead in the face and told me he wanted a biopsy. My stomach sank. He thought it was cancer too. 2 days later the results came back as 'highly suspicious for lymphoma'. He scheduled me for a surgery 3 days later. I was on the operating table being put under for my neck surgeon to remove a mass that was about the size of a golf ball. That started a very lengthy process that finds me here today.
The weird part in all of this however is that in a weird way, I feel a little relieved. How could that be, right? Well, today I didn't wake up worried about every ache and pain. I didn't feel the need to Google every symptom. I didn't feel the need to come here seeking reassurance. The fear of the unknown no longer consumed me. After all, I've already been diagnosed with the most feared disease on the planet. No, instead a sense of grit had filled that void. A determination to beat this. A determination to not let this define me. After the initial meltdown, I have felt more alive these last 2 weeks than I have felt in a long, long time. I am finally living in the moment rather than my subconscious always being consumed with worry. You know that feeling.
So I say to you knowing the issues that bring you here. The first thing I want to tell you is DO NOT give potential health issues greater power than they already have. If you are running from them, then you are giving them control. Understand first that running from them will not make them go away. So there they still are and there you sit scared to death. Double whammy! You cannot let fear win. Go see a doctor. Trust your doctor. Trust the process. They exist to keep you here. Allow them to do their job.
Stop. Breath. Think. Know everything will be just fine.
God Bless!
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