Struggling need help

[rhpanic]

This is my first post on the forum. I was made redundant from my job last month and ever since have spiralled into a deep depression and severe anxiety attacks. It's got so bad I feel like I can't go on anymore. The doc prescribed fluoxetine 20mg a day and I have been taking them for about 3 weeks, however I am feeling worse and worse. The mornings seem to hit me like a brick, I wake up at 5:30am panicking and crying and feeling desperately like I can't go on. I have had to come and stay with my mum as feel like I can't stay on my own as my fiancé is working away. I feel so guilty and ashamed and feel like I'm ruining everyone else's lives. I feel so worthless. Will this feeling ever get better? I'm so close to wanting to end it all.

[Her Indoors]

Hello there,

I completely understand how you feel as I am experiencing exactly the things you are describing, and it is horrible. I would try to persevere with your medication for a little longer as three weeks is perhaps not long enough for them to be working yet. Have you been given anything to help you whilst the medication begins to work? Perhaps you could go back to your GP and explain how you are feeling for some reassurance? Be completely honest about how you feel, you may get a referral for some extra help as you are feeling so low.

That's great that you are staying with your mum as it's not good to be on your own when you feel like this. Please don't feel guilty and ashamed; you aren't well and you need help and support just as you would if you had any other illness. You WILL get better, it just may take a little time. Please, please speak to someone about how you are feeling, don't suffer this on your own.

Message me whenever you like, I completely understand how you feel. Take care, I hope you begin to settle soon.

Kind regards

J xxx

[rhpanic]

Thank you for your kind words it means a lot. I have made another appointment to see the doctor this week. He did give me a weeks worth of diazepam 2mg to help with the anxiety attacks. This did help but left me feeling even more zombified :( I will definitely tell the GP exactly how I'm feeling. I have support from my mum and fiancé so that is helping but still feel so guilty that I don't feel any better. So worried about never getting another job and feeling normal again.
Today was extremely hard and I just did not want to face anything but I'm still here and managed to go on a short dog walk with my mum after crying and feeling terrible all morning.

Please feel free to contact me as well if you need anyone to talk to. I hope you begin to feel better soon too.

R xxxxx

[Her Indoors]

Very well done for getting out for a walk, that was very brave and helps to distract your thoughts.

I have also been prescribed diazapam and have to take it every morning as I struggle badly on waking, although fortunately I do sleep well as I get very tired being anxious all the time. I hope you are managing to sleep I think that is very important whilst you are recovering. Are you managing to eat, I struggle with food, but when things ease a little in the evening I tend to eat then when I feel more like it.

Try not to feel guilty, the people who love you just want to see you get well, but I know what you mean. It can be hard for people to understand how you feel if they haven't experienced it themselves, that's why this site is so good, people know exactly how you feel and can empathize.

Take care, I really hope you start to feel better soon. I am here if you need someone to chat to.

J xx

[rhpanic]

I have been managing to eat, forcing myself really though. I used to really enjoy food but now I just see it as something I have to do :(

I also haven't been struggling going to sleep at night as I feel so worn out with all the crying and worrying.

The mornings are the worst, I just don't want to wake up and face them. It's so difficult to explain to anyone. I'm sure they think I am just being lazy and stupid.
I used to be so confident and sure of myself and now I just feel like a shell. I can't bear to even look at my reflection in the mirror.

I hope things start to get better soon. It's just so hard :(