Help before I fall into the hole of panic after so long out of it!

[ErinKC]

Hi all. I haven't been here in a long time because I've had my anxiety under control for at least a year now. It's been amazing. In the last month or so for various reasons that are not super relevant to get into (a lot of extra work on my computer, bad shoes, etc...) I've had a lot of aches and pains (Achilles/extensor tendon issues, pulled muscle in my chest, sciatica to name a few). Even these things weren't worrying me because I was in a really good place and I knew exactly what was causing each.

Then two days ago completely out of the blue, I had a horrible panic attack while driving home from a friend's house. I can't even remember the last time I had a full blow, out of the blue attack. Normally they come on as a culmination of some building worry. This was a very bad and scary one. The whole time I knew it was a panic attack, and I was luckily able to pull myself out of it by the time I got home. But, it was really jarring. It really brought back a lot of my anxiety about anxiety and I started to really get worried that my good year of calm was about to come to an end and this would trigger my full blown anxiety.

I almost certainly talked myself into it, but just a few hours later there I was googling blood clots (I'll add that a year ago I went to the ER afraid I had a blood clot and just a few days ago got a call from collections that I still had an outstanding $21 bill from that visit due, so I'm sure my subconscious grabbed onto that memory for later use). Then, last night in addition to the regular pains I'd been having I started with numb spots in my calf, which had absolutely happened to me with anxiety. Now, as I'm sure you're all familiar, it's a new shooting pain or ache all day. A shooting pain down my arm, an ache in my shoulder, etc... Then I start checking out my varicose veins in the mirror, googling if they are a risk factor for DVT. I'm like a recovering alcoholic relapsing with all his old favorites.

I am so upset that I'm getting caught in this mudslide of anxiety after so long doing well. I had already been planning to give my doctor a call about the sciatica and hopefully get a PT referral since I do think I legitimately need it since my core and back have never been the same since giving birth 4 years ago. So, I plan to call her tomorrow morning. But now, since the anxiety is creeping back it's making me question if I'm calling just for reassurance if she'll realize I'm having all this anxiety if I should bring up the worries (she knows I have an anxiety disorder), etc...

I just want to get out of this before I fall into the hole. Does anyone have any good tips on how you are able to stop before things get out of hand? I've been good about doing my normal things - taking a shower, limiting caffeine, drinking tea, etc... but I keep falling back on the googling. And, for some reason, I never told my husband about the panic attack or that I've been anxious. I've been in such a good place for so long I feel like maybe if I say something to him it will make it more real and I won't be able to escape.

Any advice or good juju is welcome!!

[AntsyVee]

What do you think triggered this episode? Stress? Lack of sleep? Hormones? I think identifying the triggers and tackling them will help. From the little aches and pains you were having, I have an inkling that it’s stress.

Remember, anxiety is a road of ups and downs. It rarely ever goes completely away and a person is “cured” for the rest of their lives. For most people it stays in remission and comes out at times of increased stress.

[ErinKC]

You're right. I think my stress began earlier this month. I am a stay at home mom but do freelance research and editing from home. I got a great opportunity for a lot of money the first weekend of July, but it required me to work almost every waking hour of the entire weekend. Being shut in staring at my computer all day definitely made me feel weird - a bit anxious and disoriented, and the first night I pulled a muscle in my chest wall (or something) that caused a ton of pain every time I took a breath. The next morning while I was laying on my stomach I took a deep breath out and whatever had been tweaked popped back into place and the pain was gone. But, that was probably when I first started worrying that my posture, working all the time, etc... was hurting my body.

I was able to brush this off because the pain went away and I finished the work. But I've been working a lot lately still. Even though it's not that much, I do have to work a few hours each night, so I don't have any real free time lately to read or watch TV.

So, it's probably true that the underlying stress has been creeping up over the last few weeks. It was just so shocking at the panic attack came on without an immediate trigger. Usually I have like a pain or something that I worry about. This was one of those... I'm driving along, singing The Sound of Music with my 4 year old, when BAM. I'm sweating, my mouth is dry, I'm dizzy, heart's racing, etc... I recognized it as a panic attack before I even had time to notice any physical symptoms.

But, I'm going to the doctor today at 2. Last night (sorry TMI) my vagina started getting numb/tingly... I know I must have some kind of disc issue happening, but then stupidly googled that and learned the worst case scenario of losing control of bladder and bowels and got myself into a tissy.

But, I'm glad I'll see my doctor today. With HA it's always a struggle to balance when you actually have a health issue with when you're just overanalyzing, etc... I've gotten plenty of tingles and numb spots purely from anxiety, so I sometimes don't trust myself to know what's real and what's not, and that's such a bummer.