Feeling guilty.

[Marie2016]

Hi guys,

So I've had agoraphobia for about 10 months now but I've have panic disorder for 3 years. I've never been housebound but had a safety zone very close to my house, this is also coupled with feeling anxious when certain people come to my house, I feel like I can't panic if someone is around and that's basically where all my fear stems from - the thought of others seeing me panic.

This week has been a difficult week with high anxiety and panic attacks. I had a visit from my mum on Monday and I had no panic at all and we had a lovely time. I've been sticking to my exposure plan and pushed my distance multiple times and even had conversations with people I've met on my walks.

My mum had decided that it would be good for me to go with her to visit my Nanna tomorrow, who lives all the way across town.
I don't feel comfortable with this yet and having had a high anxiety week I've explained that I think it would be good for me to take a couple of days to relax and stick to my current exposure plan around my area.
She seemed very upset by this and thinks I need to stop being selfish and think of others and push through the panic for them.

I wish people could understand that we don't want to let people down and that we aren't being selfish. It's not always as easy as push through the panic even though we should and it can have repercussions if we move too quickly.


I'm wondering if anyone else has gone through something similar with a relative or friend trying to help?

Thanks x

[ana]

I've definitely felt like this before. Non-sufferers, regardless of how well their intentions are, can't really understand that anxiety is not simple and that, like you say, you can't push yourself out of your comfort zone too far too soon. Your mum is trying to help you by challenging you,but if you definitely don't feel ready to go to your Nan's yet, then I'd suggest talking to your mum again and explaining to her that you are doing everything you can to get better, but that going to your Nan's would be too much right now.

Perhaps you could do something similar to going to your Nan's that's not too scary, but makes you feel accomplished, so that you don't feel let down by yourself. I do that sometimes: don't go to the scary place, but somewhere moderately scary instead, so that I feel good and not like I've pushed myself past my current limit.

[Marie2016]

Thanks for your reply ana.

It's comforting to know that people feel the same. I understand that her intentions are good and that she is trying to help but like you say unless you've been through it, especially agoraphobia it is very difficult to understand.

I have told her to call me back again when she's home later and I will explain how I feel again once she's calmed down.
I've also called my Nanna and apologised and said that we'll rearrange asap and she was happy with that and really doesn't mind so that's a weight off my mind.

I have an exposure trip planned for later to head down to Tesco with my kids and husband. Tesco - I don't know why but I've had a lot of bad experiences in there so it would be a huge victory for me to make it down to the shop, not necessarily go in but we shall see

I think the most important thing is that I have been making huge improvements lately and just last night had a great exposure trip. At the moment my Nanna's is too far for me and that's fine, I know that soon I'll get there.

Thanks for your advice. It's just a shame that people don't understand how we feel x

[ana]

I'm really pleased you've managed to find a solution,and I hope it all goes well. Fingers crossed for your trip to Tesco! Enjoy your victory and make sure to remember it. Sadly, we tend to mostly remember the bad times, and not the good times and victories.

It is a real shame that people don't understand, but it's comforting to know we're not the only ones suffering.