I've been lurking on this site for a little while now, reading a lot of post about depression and medication. Most of it very very reassuring. Well I eventually went to the doctors 11 days ago and he prescribed 20mg Citalopram. I was doing fine on it until the 7th tablet, (a thursday) then four hours after taking it I felt horrible.

I was shaking uncontrollably, my heart was pounding so hard and fast I thought it was going to pop out my chest, I vomited 3 times in 15 minutes and then had really bad diarrhoea, my chest was tight, my head was spinning, but the most horrible feeling was the blood boiling sensation, i felt like i was on fire, like i was burning from the inside out. I was so convinced i was burning up i was throwing cold water over myself. My other half was really worried and called an ambulance, the paramedics said I was having a server panic attack as a reaction to Citalopram. I eventually started to calm down about 45 minutes later, the paramedics stayed for about an hour, i then tried to sleep but was sat up all night in a real spaced out, yet hyper state.

Friday I booked an appointment to see my doctor and told him what had happened, he said that it may well happen again, but that it should settle down with the next week or so and to keep at it, I didn't feel to bad during the day on Friday a bit shakey but decided that if i felt that way again at least i would know what it was and that it would pass and i would be ok and over and done with in under and hour. So friday night I took another tablet, then four hours later i started feeling bad again. Oh well i thought, lets get this over and done with, I sat in bed breathing nice and deep and slowly and telling myself that nothing bad was going to happen and that the feeling would soon pass, all the time I was shaking and swaying and rocking back and forth and i was once again on fire inside about 20 minutes later the feelings started to pass so I lied down to go to sleep, within 30 seconds I was on fire again, my heart was racing and I couldn't breath, I started rocking and swaying and I was rubbing my arms and legs, not out of choice, I couldn't stop it. My other half sat up with and I was like this all night, the feelings would slowly die down and within 30 seconds peak again, by 5am I was exhausted, I somehow managed to get out of bed and went down stairs where i walked up and down the living room, swinging my arms and humming and rubbing my arms and hands. My head was spinning, i was dizzy and couldn't breath properly. I was begging my other half to help me but when he said he would get help, i completely freaked and told him not to because i would be taken away and locked up and they would take the children away.

This continued all day saturday, to the point that saturday night i went outside in our little street and walked around our little green area for hours in the cold because i felt like i was on fire, i couldn't go back in the house, as i felt sooooo hot and was sure if i went in i was going to die. I didn't take a tablet saturday night, instead i sat up all night in front of the tv, pacing the living room, shaking at best, feeling suicidal at worst.

Come sunday morning i was soooo exhausted i'm not sure how i was still standing, but i still couldn't keep still, i spent most of the day locked in the back room swaying to and fro and feeling so paniced and stressed, but the suicidal thoughts had gone thank god. I was still having horrible waves of being on fire and chest tightening and heart racing, but they weren't lasting as long and weren't quite as frequent.

Sunday late afternoon, early evening, I was feeling a little better. Still very anxious and shakey and feelings of not being in control, but overall a lot more relaxed. Didn't take sundays tablet. Again sat up most of the night sunday, feeling very spaced out and panicy, but must of actually fallen asleep around 430am as my daughter woke me up at 615am.

Monday was a lot better, felt more normal, still feelings of dread and panic and had a couple of small panic attacks but was overall able to cope ok with the help of my other half.

Other half had to go back to work today, so i was on my own with the 3 kids, but i managed, still very very shakey and upset. Had a panic attack on the way home from picking my little boy up from school, had to practically run home, got in throw up and then had really bad diarrhoea and got that horrible blood burning sensation back for about 20 minutes and was struggling to get my breath, but it passed and i've been ok ish since.

Still having feelings of real anxiety and panic and still shaking but feeling so much better than i did. I'm never putting another anti d in my body again. I'm never going to risk feeling like that, being like that ever again or putting my wonderful partner and children though that ever again. It was the most terrifying thing i have ever been through in my life and i wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I'm going to have a read through this site on natural and alternative remedies. I'm hoping i will find something.

Take care all and good luck to each and everyone of you on the road to beating/coping with depression.