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Thread: passing anxiety on to kids

  1. #1

    passing anxiety on to kids

    I was just wondering if anyone is concerned about passing their anxiety on to their kids, either genetically or behaviorally, as in either through heredity or by modeling the behavior.

    I have a daughter who is 6 and a son who just turned one, and I do keep an eye on my daughter for any signs she might have issues developing. I also talk openly about feelings with her, and she is extremely good at expressing how she feels, which makes me very happy because that is such a useful skill to have. She tells me she "has frustration" so I'll know when she's not feeling calm, and that is very helpful.

    One thing that gives me great hope that she will not be like me is that although she is a bit shy when meeting new people, she has absolutely no stage fright. She has already been in musical theatre productions and loves to sing for her class. By her age I was already deathly afraid of being on a stage or even talking in front of a class, so she's off to a good start.

    If either one of my kids develops any issues, I'm not exactly sure how I'll handle it, but at least I feel like I'm qualified to notice the symptoms early and hopefully be helpful to them...
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  2. #2
    Join Date
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    Re: passing anxiety on to kids

    Yes, Rushie, I do think about this. (I have a 4 year old boy and a 5 month old girl.)

    My therapist said that depression/anxiety can be genetic, but I am determined to stay positive about this possibility.

    I am and will continue to recover. I will be in a healthy place to where I can model what it is to have these struggles, but will be able to model what it looks like to conquer them in a healthy manner. I will be able to instill in them the importance of a healthy lifestyle-- diet, exercise, moderation of things such as sweets and drinking. The true importance of not smoking or doing drugs. I will work harder to retrain my thoughts because I am not just working hard at it for me- I am working hard at it for them too. I will "feel the fear and do it anyway" because they deserve to have a mom who is brave, a mom who is fun, a mom who leads and not cowers. And, I deserve to be that mom. That is who I really am. I just happen to have a pounding, racing heart, and shaking hands at the same time, but my kids sure don't seem to notice that. They just see the smiles I have for them, and feel the big hugs they get.

    You sound like you are doing a great job, Rushie. Your kids are blessed to have you for a mommy!

  3. #3

    Re: passing anxiety on to kids

    Wow, that is an amazing response. Thank you!

    I too find myself pushing through the panic to do things for/with my kids. When my daughter was a toddler, I had to quit taking her to Gymboree classes because I couldn't handle it socially, but now I find myself capable of being the "room mom" for her Kindergarten class (last year) so I can objectively see I'm making some progress.

    I also try to model healthy behavior for them, but when I fail and am short with her or my husband, I try to apologize and take accountability for my behavior. Part of the reason I'm giving it another go with medication is because I'm falling into old behavior of "losing control" of how I speak to people. Irritability has always been a bad symptom of my depression/anxiety and it drives me crazy, because it's not me. I don't want to be mean to people. It creates horrible guilt.
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  4. #4
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    Re: passing anxiety on to kids

    There's a thread on the Health Anxiety forum about this subject. It's a rather interesting discussion.

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  5. #5
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    Re: passing anxiety on to kids

    I think it's normal as parents to worry about our children ever suffering. I know I worry about it. My lest is almost 12 and he developed anxiety about 3 years ago, out of the blue he changed and was extremely protective of his family and pets, he worried constantly one of us would get hurt. It was sad to see. I took him to our GP who knows us well and he said it eats not my fault at all. At the time I wasn't really struggling. With any anxiety, I'm a born worrier but my anxiety wasn't a huge issue back then. He said that it wade to a trauma, my brother has mental health problems and he came to our house, hit my husband infront of our son which terrified him. Of course though I felt guilty, I should have made sure he was hidden away upstairs so he didn't see this happen, I shouldn't have let my husband go outside to ask my brother to leave .....

    I had agoraphobia all last year after my brother attacked me, I have worried myself sick that my children might pick up on it and get anxious about shops or going out. I've realised no amount if worrying will prevent it, I just now do my best to go out and. It let it stop me and if I'm having a day where I struggle I make sure they're not aware of it and just make an excuse about why I can't go somewhere but they go with their dad. I thinks it's a hard illness to hide away from them, but we do our best to remain upbeat so that they so t pick up on our anxieties. It's what I've had to do for the last year as I didn't want it to imoact their childhood.

    My children are so outgoing and confident, I was so shy as a child and struggled. I love seeing how confident they are, seeing them do their concerts, sports.... It's great.

    Don't worry, all you can do is if you ever notice your child is suffering from anxiety is take the to your GP for some help. You're doing a great job, don't worry about what ifs, enjoy your children and don't worry what the future may hold.
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  6. #6

    Re: passing anxiety on to kids

    I believe that a predisposition to say anxiety or depression is probably genetic but obviously our kids copy behaviour they see modelled by us. This was the main reason I finally sought help for my depression. Being self-aware enough to think about the possible consequences for your children, I would say gives you a great chance of helping them avoid having problems.

  7. #7
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    Re: passing anxiety on to kids

    Honestly, I think passing on such a trait isn't a bad thing: anxiety is a natural emotion that exists for good reason. I think the problem arises when a succession of life events causes this emotion to take over on a semi-permanent basis. Certain people, perhaps those who are more sensitive, may well be more predisposed for this to happen (in a sense their threshold is lower), but those individuals also have many fantastic qualities which is why the trait is increasingly common.

    Anxiety about anxiety that is yet to happen is the height of anxiety!

  8. #8

    Re: passing anxiety on to kids

    Sadly, I believe I passed my anxiety onto my son by learnt behaviour. We have both been standing in queues before both having panic attacks, we see and feel the panic in each other without having to say anything. When I see he is panicking it breaks my heart and I feel so incredibly guilty. He goes to college and has a seasonal job and I admire him so much as it is so rare that he avoids situations. He has been through so much in his life and has his own battles to fight and suffers so much with them. I hate that I am so useless at reassuring him. Luckily though, he hasn't got the avoidance part in him and is so determined to have a different life.

    My strongest wish is that he lives the life he desires and truly deserves, not a life dictated by panic and fear.

  9. #9
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    Re: passing anxiety on to kids

    Your daughter sounds like an absulte delight! It doesn't sound one bit like she has any unnatural anxiety in her life. I think you're in a position to notice it if she does begin to show excessive anxiety, and it's simple to act on it. A simple referral to a child psychologist/therapist would probably be anough to manage the anxiety if she were to start suffering from it.

    I honestly don't think you need to worry much about her. Like I said, she sounds like a delight. I think you'll also find that she'll grow to be a much more compassionate young woman than most, especially with her ability to understand and express emotion.
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  10. #10

    Re: passing anxiety on to kids

    This is a big worry for me about my 7 year old daughter. Growing up I never felt able to talk to my parents about how I was feeling ect so I always make time to talk to her about her life, worries and she knows she can come to me about anything.

    fingers crossed there doesn't seem to be any signs ��

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