Withdrawal diary

[I Don't Get it!]

Sorry you're having a bad day :(

You're doing really well, it makes these blips seem even worse doesn't it?

Hope you feel better tomorrow

[anxiousjomo]

It does. Still not feeling great today, but not as bad. I think my real problem is I have gotten into the bad habit of obsessing over how I am feeling, and getting anxious about that, which just makes everything so much worse. I need to get better at just "being" and letting whatever I am feeling be what it is without trying to fight it or think about it. It is hard though. I was awake at 5am again today with anxiety and sweats (which then got me shivering and trembling due to the fact it was actually cold). However, while I could not get back to sleep, I did find that deep breathing and calming myself helped. It certainly was not as awful a morning as I have had in the past....

[I Don't Get it!]

I think you're 100% right about the obsessing habit. You already know what you have to do and putting it into practice will become your new habit, it just takes time and patience. Be patient and kind to yourself, you'll do this.

[AngeAgain]

I was reading your notes about diarrhea. I started taking Inositol back last year for my polycystic ovary syndrome. I had to stop because the stomach problems I had on it were awful! It seemed to get worse day by day until I had to stop.

It was before I realised I had a serious problem with anxiety and I noticed it gave me more energy and lifted my spirits, but my stomach was terrible on it.

Could it be the inositol causing your upset stomach?

[epitaxial]

This med can be a curse - prior to taking the med I really didn't pay much attention to various quirks that typically happened with my body [aches, upset stomach, etc]. But man - now whenever something "weird" happens - my brain goes into "flight mode" and I have to convince it that nothing is wrong. :(

Inositol - I tried that for a few days prior to starting on Citalopram and it upset my stomach terribly [plus it raised my body temperature a few degrees].

[anxiousjomo]

Thanks both - you may well be right - I was thinking of coming off the Inositol actually. I will drop my evening pill from today, give it a week and then drop the morning one.

I was up at 5ish again today, but while I am wired and having mild anxiety (though enough to keep me awake) it is not as bad as it was. The weird thing is this dizziness/grogginess I seem to have. I don't know where that is coming from.

But, yeah, I can feel myself suddenly thinking "oh, is that anxiety I feel coming" or "today is going to be hard to get through because I can feel the anxiety and other things building" etc, and then the anxiety builds precisely because of that thought.

I could also do with a week in bed resting, but this damn anxiety keeps waking me up so early and I can't lie around as am far too jittery.

[Lulu1960]

That dizziness and grogginess ..is called withdrawal...from ssri...

[anxiousjomo]

I guess you are right - it has just been over a month and I had thought I was over the withdrawal, but maybe not. This is also the first time I have been on no drugs at all for about 6 years, so I guess I should not be surprised I am not finding it easy going.

It is amazing how much damage that 6 months of side-effect hell has done to my mental well-being. I am certainly worse on a day to day basis than I was before. I just find myself sitting here feeling groggy but jittery and with this pressure of anxiety in my chest and I can't stop thinking about it and analysing it and worrying about how I feel. It just seems to take up all my day.

[Lulu1960]

There's people on antidepressants who take them for life..me for one...also the weaning process to be successful has to be done very slowly as in months for every five milligrams ...I know people who took one year to ween ...with no withdrawal ...

[anxiousjomo]

Just a note to say I have had a good few days. Doing headspace every morning, reading Claire Weekes, getting exercise etc all seem to be helping. Feel like I am making progress on the underlying issues - my habits of anxiety that have been there for decades.

Still have ups and downs - slept well the night before last, and felt good all yesterday. Last night was up at 3 and at 5 for good and feeling a bit more groggy, down and jittery because of it. But I know this is all just part of the process. It takes time to get better. Slowly the good days will become more frequent. Acceptance and deep breathing at 5am certainly helped. I did not go back to sleep, but I did not get any more than mildly anxious (as opposed to the old days where I would get worse and worse).

I am getting better at not thinking about how I am feeling all the time too. The chunks of the day when I am engrossed in what I am doing and dont even think about my anxiety do seem to be getting a bit more frequent.

It is a slow process, but does feel like I am moving uphill...