Withdrawal diary

[anxiousjomo]

Day 9

Again, some morning anxiety - woke around 6am or so and pretty quickly found my anxiety growing. Tried to lie there and deep breath and think through why there was nothing to be anxious about, why all I needed to do right then was relax and rest until it was time to get up for work etc. It did help a bit. Had upset stomach again, and had diarrhoea twice within an hour of getting up at 7am.

Still some dizziness during the day. As well as a tightness in the chest, and my head felt really hot during the morning. Tired and groggy too, though that may be in part due to not sleeping properly for so long, or it might just be how everyone feels on a thursday during a busy week of work....

No panic attacks or anything like that. All is manageable - I have not had to miss any time off work or anything. I am a lawyer (a litigator) and have a big trial coming up in a couple of weeks, so work is very busy, but I am just about coping and keeping on top of everything.

My Insitol and Choline have run out, and am debating whether I should keep going with it. It is hard to know if it is actually doing anything helpful. But I am yet to have a brain zap this time, and think that the fish oil I have been taking is likely helping with that.

[anxiousjomo]

Day 10

A good day. I had a long, hot Epsom bath salts bath last night for the first time and felt really calm and relaxed afterwards. I slept well and only had minimal anxiety on waking up. I don't usually believe in that sort of thing, but it genuinely seemed to help much more than just a usual bath.

The day was similarly fine - I even had something stressful at work in the evening, which a month or so ago would have sent me into a panic tailspin, but I was able to rationally deal with it, write a to do list etc and calm down.

Interestingly I tried some alcohol for the first time in 6 months and, after just have a glass of a cocktail, felt a headache, some dizziness etc - so stopped straight away. I wonder if it is psychosomatic or that I should not drink until all this is properly done with...

[anxiousjomo]

Days 11 and 12

Tired some probiotics but it made my IBS worse pretty quickly - lots of stomach pain and other things, so don't think I will be trying that again.

I have been having weird muscle spasms in my right bicep over the last two days. Don't know if that is withdrawal related.

It was my brother-in-law's birthday yesterday and we all went out to dinner in the evening, which I managed to enjoy. However, I had two small cocktails over the 4 or 5 hours - I felt fine in the evening itself but the next morning I felt absolutely awful - anxiety up, felt weirdly hungover almost - stomach very upset. Some very minor brain zaps, which I have not had at all so far. Clearly I need to stay of alcohol for a while longer...

Some brain fog and other things, mild dizziness. But the anxiety is worse than it has been for the last week. My fault for drinking. Just have to make it through the day and then maybe have another Epsom bath tonight and see if i feel better tomorrow

[anxiousjomo]

Day 13

Epsom salts bath really helped - or it may just be having a long hot bath that does it, who knows. Slept through from 11pm to 7.10am when my 6 year old woke me up. Some mild anxiety but completely manageable. No brain zaps or anything like that.

[I Don't Get it!]

I hope it's not considered rude to post on someone's diary, but I just have to say I'm amazed at how much you do. Working at a high pressure job and looking after children and going out for the day! I did just one of those things (day out) and the stress of it knocked me sideways!

I think you're a marvel - give yourself a big pat on the back.

[anxiousjomo]

Thanks - but I am really not - my GAD is mild compared to what lots of you on this site have to deal with. Sometimes I read all of your posts and am just amazed at how you make it through. You are all incredibly strong.

Day 15

Slept ok - woke around 6.30am - anxiety as soon as I woke, and had to run to the toilet after about 15min of being awake. Some mild shaking. Hot and a bit sweaty. A little nauseous.
Once I got up, forced myself to eat breakfast and drink my green tea, and did a bit of deep breathing, I felt a little better. The anxiety feeling is very much in my stomach, and certainly seems connected to my IBS.

I will keep doing this diary for a few more days and then, if nothing dramatic withdrawal-wise has happened, I will tentatively say I have managed to get off the Cit.

[anxiousjomo]

Day 16.

Very bad day. Last night I received some unexpected bills which have completely screwed up my finances, and I am worried I wont be able to make it through the month. Money worries are one of my big anxiety triggers. Had a mild panic attack last night, which I managed to keep relatively under control, but have been awake since about 4am very anxious, trembling, sweating and nauseous. I am trying to think things through and make plans to fix the problems etc, but I just can't seem to calm down. And now I am in this anxious state, everything else that I was just about coping with (work anxiety, life anxiety) is diving in too.

I dont think this is withdrawal related - I think this is my underlying anxiety. The question is, I guess, whether it is legitimate to be anxious about this sort of thing, so that I do not need medication, but that I just need to work on CBT etc to try and deal with it better.

I am frightened though. It is particularly hard after feeling like I was doing a bit better.

Throughout the day I have been feeling nauseous - my stomach feels very unpleasant. I am also dizzy and shaky and light headed. I am managing to keep serious panic at bay, but I can feel it all in my chest waiting to explode if I let it. My legs are jittering and bouncing as I sit here and I am finding it very hard to sit still and concentrate on work.

[I Don't Get it!]

I dont think this is withdrawal related - I think this is my underlying anxiety. The question is, I guess, whether it is legitimate to be anxious about this sort of thing, so that I do not need medication, but that I just need to work on CBT etc to try and deal with it better.

I am frightened though. It is particularly hard after feeling like I was doing a bit better.

Suddenly being confronted with a worrying bill can cause distress to people who don't even have Anxiety, so it's only natural that you are feeling very anxious about it.

Of course you're frightened, and your feelings will seem extra horrible in comparison to the better days you've had recently.

Last week I woke up very anxious two days in a row and was really downcast about it until I realised that I used to wake up feeling much, much worse every single day. The good days I've had threw the odd bad ones into sharp relief.

Have you started CBT yet? I found it helped me tremendously, as did certain self-help books.

Best of luck to you, hang in there and don't fight against the Anxiety symptoms - just recognise them for what they are: temporary anxiety symptoms and let them pass without struggling against them.

Hope you don't mind me sticking my oar in (again). Just say the word and I'll butt out!

[anxiousjomo]

Thank you for your message - and please continue to comment! This is not a private diary, and everyone should feel free to comment on anything they want. I am posting it here because reading other people's journeys helped me to see my experiences in context, so I wanted to do the same.

I am still on the waiting list for CBT with the NHS, but I have been trying to do some meditation (headspace app) and deep breathing and some other basic stuff. I have also found keeping a diary helpful in that I can see over and over again how I am anxious about something which actually turns out to be completely fine...so the whole unpleasant anxiety experience was a total waste of time!

Thank you for your support, it really helps.

[I Don't Get it!]

Yes, I find meditation helpful too. I can't do it alone (just can't concentrate), but I use guided meditation mp3's and that works for me. I also found some hypnotherapy mp3's useful.

Keeping an anxiety diary is a great idea. Keep going and keep your chin up.