Hi raindog first forgive any spelling erorrs i make as its allways been my worst skill.
anyways you are not allone with your dailly feelings or your life.
as i am 44 this august and years ago had a terable time with drugs and it left me feeling realy realy out of sorts for 5 years unusual not real in life numb you name it i felt it and i had this overwelming feeling that i would never be happiey ever again and i couldnot switch of my very negitive thaughts they were with me the whole of my day and i thing i use to fall asleap purley down to exsausion from my day..iwas like this for 4 long years and had no familliy help or any close friends i was completley on my own and felt this was it forever...i developed all sorts of phobias on top of all this. but somehow i got through and out the other side one day and celibrated life again i never felt this would ever be possable ever again but i did...i just stayed possitive in my belefe as much as i could which as you know is realy hard because you get so much negitive thaughts randomally coming into your head all the time you are awake and they are so powafull you cnt concintrate or beleve anything eles you try to destract your self with ...you have to just tell your self ( but meen it ) dont just say the words , you realy have to inforce and beleive in yourself...telling your self throughout your day( I AM IN CONTROLL I WILL GET THROUGH THIS DAY AND I WILL WORRIE ABOUT TOMOROW WHEN IT COMES)you feel like you are just excisting from one day to the next and you feel made and all bad memories come back and feel worse then ever because this is your brain making you feel negitive so you only focas on neg things in life this might be ( the person you are , things you said to someone , things you have done , things you have whitnessed and so on) but this isnt for ever if you try and stay strong and beleive that you will get better try to envolve yourself outside the negitive world that starts to develop in your mind you almost have to push yourself slowly in doing things short burst that you dont feel like you want to do , but if you do slowly you are telling your brain to focus on more possitive thinking and you will start to feel slight changes inyourself keep telling yourself you are going to be fine and you will get through this its just going to take time...and you have plenty of it....its easy said then done you dont feel like its real anymore you watch everyone eles in life having fun and this just reminds you of how sad and shit you feel...when this happens just tell yourself you will have this all again sometime ...but you will have this its not gone forever.....they say time is a great healer....prase yourself everyday you get through and remind yourself that you are not alown and there are other people much worse of then yourself ,sad fact but its true because when we are feeling like you are its easy to thing you are the only one ...you are not....it takes time but i prommiss you will recover with possitive thinking and strength its tiering and you go to hell before you rise again im afraid but this is when you have to be strong and remember when you feel any slight possitive thaughts or feelings....enjoy them and remind yourself of them telling yourself you will get better and are on the road to recovery you are in controll and its all in your mind this will inforce that excperiance and moment helping you to get more and more possitive thaughts and relaxing moments....the more possitive feelings you get the more they breed so before you know it you feel life picking up and you will be gaining your confidence and social life back again and start to feel....NORMAL AGAIN..
trust me friend you are as normal as everyone elese you are just not very well at this time in life and like any other normal person you will recover stick with it and i am allways ready to chat anytime you like.....take care


Greg