Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[KK77]

I got some news I wasn't expecting, I'm afraid. Fortunately further tests have been arranged really quickly so at least I don't face weeks of waiting, hopefully. It'll be a big test for me as I might have all the right advice but am pretty useless at applying it to myself.

Also hoping it's nothing serious, Cmrd P. Sending positive vibes.

[pulisa]

Thank you all very much. I don't want to hijack Carnation's thread so will slope off for a while and sort myself out

[Buster70]

Don't be so daft when carnation is back on she'll tell you it's ok , we all hijack threads from
Time to time you know she won't mind , if you do feel for once you need to talk about yourself you should , you give a lot to others .

[Carnation]

Carnation is back on and asserts her authority to allow Pulisa to use this thread as much as she wants!
We are here if you need to talk about anything. x

---------- Post added at 21:57 ---------- Previous post was at 21:33 ----------

So, my day was challenging.
Took Mr C's mum to the hairdressers where she was made to look ten years younger. Nails done too and 3 hours in all and managed to stay reasonably anxiety free.
The sun was hot today, so was anxious not to get overheated, what with my hot flushes, but actually didn't get any today.
Strange to get these flushes when it's been cold and now it's hot, I don't!
Throat is much better today. I couldn't resist the torch down the throat and then wished I hadn't. Never a pretty sight at the best of times and you only need to spot a mark or spot to set the health anxiety off again.
Mine looked like the remains of a car crash. No wonder it was sore. The Manuka honey has been working a treat as is the yogurts, which has also been settling my acid reflux. Killed two birds with one stone, so to speak.

Hoping to get a relaxing day tomorrow before the family arrive for the weekend. I am doing lunch for them, so the hot flushes will probably return then.

Until next time.....

[Carnation]

Woke up this morning without the razor throat thing, so that is a good start.
Sun was shining and we had the day to ourselves and planned to have lunch out and go to the beach. Which we did.
I'm always apprehensive about having lunch out as I never know how I am going to be and what will happen.
First hurdle was getting the car parked; me and Mr C always have a debate over this, as he either likes to park about half a mile from where we want to be and I start panicking that it will too far if I get in to a panic or a place in a dubious place where we might get a ticket.
Anyway, got parked straight away right outside the cafe, even a table spare with a parasol and no queue at the counter. "Blimey", I thought. "This is going far too smoothly".
And it did. I tend to be pessimistic about things going wrong, so I am always pleasantly surprised when things go my way. Anxiety was reasonably low too.
Then went for a walk and down on to the beach. Even that was empty.
Even the kiosk had no queues. Had somebody pre-warned everyone I was going out?
I love the beach, the sound of the waves, the fresh salt water from the sea, the sand on my feet. It's amazing therapy.
(I used this vision many a time during meditation).
Another thing among many is my 'Fear of the Sun'. I love the heat, but I worry if I get too much sun and get heatstroke. I've had this a few times and it is not a pleasant feeling. So sun hat was at the ready and covered in factor 5 or whatever the highest projection is.
I actually had a brilliant day. Managed to communicate with quite a few people without getting tongue tied and felt really alive, which is something that you don't feel when you are captivated with anxiety.
I didn't have to use any of my coping skills today at all. I was completely natural and normal for once. What I did see was a lady on the beach chatting to a person and her legs were shaking like crazy. Straight away I thought she must have anxiety. I could see her trying to get away and fidgeting and feeling uncomfortable.
I also wondered how many other people are like this, but keep it to themselves.
Only another sufferer would see this on someone else, which is probably why most GPs are completely useless when it comes to this field.

At the end of the beautiful sunny day, I returned home and started to prepare the dinner. Mr C had gone in to the garden and I sat down for a bit. And there it happened. A 'head zap'. I knew what it was, because I have had hundreds of these in the past. When I was at my worst, I could have 20-30 a day.
Now that's what annoys me about anxiety. You have a good day, feel fine and think great, I am getting better and can get on with my life at last.
Then anxiety wants to come along and ruin all your hard work and courage by trying to scare you and tries to stop you from doing this.
Well not this time! '"Bugger Off", I said to it. I don't care how you want to scare me, you are not putting me back in to my deep black hole.
In fact I purposely over exerted myself afterwards and walked aimlessly around the house ready to take the challenge on.
What happened? It went away.
I know full well, it could come back, but for today, I kicked it's a*se!!

Until next time.......

Pulisa, if you are looking in; thinking of you. x

[Buster70]

It's great you had a good day , first of many hopefully you seem to be growing stronger with each day .
What the hell is going on with the weather? Last weekend down the coast we were wearing hats coast and scarfs and still cold , the last two days ivebeen out all day in a t shirt , it's been 6 months of winter then straight into summer , what happened to spring ?
I was in the garden today and heard a shuffling noise ( over the buzzing sound of the bloody bee that loves me ) ignored it for a bit then poked my nose over next doors fence , she's been house bound for 15 months since a bad fall and she's in her 90s she now has nurses round four times a day , the old bugger was shuffling down the gravel garden on a Zimmer frame , she's shaped like a question mark now , I shouted over if she was ok and she said yes but I went round anyway , what you may ask was the important issue that she dragged herself down the garden for ? She had an empty yogurt pot on the zimmer , there had been a spider in her sink so she scooped it up and took it to the bush at the end of the garden risking life and limb , we had a chat about her world travels and I suggested getting a chair outside but she said "not bloody likely I hate being out in the sun " and off she shuffled back inside
Wish I could get back down the coast , you are lucky to have it on tap .
Take care .
Ps I shouldn't try and push you pulisa to open up on here I know you are not comfortable with it but it's not a sign of weakness to ask for help and I'm sure plenty on here would be happy to listen .

[Carnation]

I agree Buster. Only days ago I was wearing a coat, boots and scarf and now t.shirts and shorts. Had to open up the summer suitcase in desperation of finding something cool to wear. It will be back to cold again next week, no doubt.

That's really nice that you went to see that lady. I love reading your stories,; you tell them so well. She is a much braver woman than me. Carrying a spider to the end of the garden. Not something I could do without screaming and jumping out of my skin.

It's definitely the start of summer as I have the evidence in the way of my first sting from whatever insect managed to catch me off guard. Got burnt on my arm from the window of the car and to top it, my massive of fear of thunder and lightning is on it's way.
I'm already trying to decide where to hide and making a mental note of all the electrical gadgets to disconnect.
I am so bad with this, that I am literally a bag of nerves. Honestly, I am that bad that I won't even go to the toilet in case I am electrified. Have to wear rubber soles and have been known to go to bed wearing a pair of crocs.
I won't pick up anything metal, remove any jewellery I am wearing and shake with fear.
I'm also surrounded by about fifty odd trees, so my visual thoughts are not reassuring to me. I so want to get over this fear, but I can't see it somehow.
If there was a cupboard big enough, Id probably sit in it.
So if I am not online tomorrow evening, you will know why.

I went out again today. Didn't really want to, but partner wanted to go out.
For reason I felt uneasy, unsteady and just counting the minutes until we came home.
When I have day out, I seem to want a day to get over it. Especially as we have visitors tomorrow and I am hoping the thunder doesn't come early as I am sure to embarrass myself and my partner with my strange behaviour.
Some people don't like it, but I unbelievably out of control with fear!

Anyway, enough about that. I spent a little more time on my own today. (I have monophobia which is a fear of being left or being on my own.) I coped pretty well. Kept occupied and tried to act normally. No head zaps/brain flips like yesterday, but was very aware that one could come. It didn't, so I was relieved at that.

As Buster has pointed out, I am very near a beach. It was very breezy here today with a sea mist. The beach was surprisingly empty, but come tomorrow, I am sure it will be heaving. The downside to being near the sea is the high tides with the new moon and something else where we sometimes have to evacuate.
That's something I like to live with. Evacuate?? I have trouble leaving the house at the best of times, let alone leaving in a hurry, normally in the middle of the night, leaving the cat behind and going to a strange place with a load of strange people.
Lots of scary faces today. Hopefully one day I can have run of smiley ones and thumbs up.

Until next time........

[Senior Moment]

Hi Carnation. I am still reading and enjoying your posts !! I thought on reading your post from last evening that I have so much in common with you. I also live near a beach, have a fear of being alone, and lastly I used to be terrified of thunder storms. However, many, many years ago, I was walking home from the beach with my daughter in a push chair when literally, out of the blue, came this almighty flash of lightning and the loudest thunder clap I had ever heard. I had absolutely no choice but to make a run for it and carry on heading home. How I did it is still a mystery to me, but I did. From that day on, I have never given a thunderstorm a second thought. It truly did cure my fear. Fear is a horrible feeling to be sure. Take care, and carry on posting ! SM xx

[Carnation]

Senior Moment, great to hear from you.
Isn't it weird how we have so much in common?
Your story about the thunderstorm was very encouraging.

[fishman65]

First of all Pulisa, am thinking of you. I know this is on Carnation's thread but she has stated she's fine with that.

Carnation, you amaze me with all you do. Your stories remind me of myself and Mrs F, we sometimes laugh we are the blind leading the blind. Its funny though but I've never been afraid of thunderstorms, maybe if I was caught out in the open on top of a hill but that doesn't happen often. However our black lab is petrified, she shakes all over. Fireworks too, hates them with a passion.

Buster I had to chuckle at your description of your neighbour 'shaped like a question mark'. You're a kind hearted bloke though and she's lucky to have you living next door.