Hi guys. It’s good to know I’m not alone. I mean that in the nicest way possible.
Misery loves company, but I don’t wish anxiety on anyone.
I think I just need to unload a bit. At the moment, I’m fighting yet another round of anxiety. It’s ALWAYS health related and comes in different forms every time.
This time around it started in February with weird heart skips and feeling like I was going to pass out at work.
It came on 2 days after finding out my (adopted) nephew had a heart attack.
Just out of nowhere, completely out of the blue at work my heart did that weird thud thing and I thought I was gonna hit the floor. I tried to chalk it up as a one off but per usual it continued at least once a day and grew worse until it landed me in the ER. $2800 later, and negative results on labs, ekg, and urine I was sent home with yet another prescription. Buspar this time.
I’ve tried about 5 or 6 meds and I can’t get past the side effects to do any good.
Buspar stopped the heart thing dead in its tracks and I had hope for once until week 2 when the numbness started so back to the doctor I go to try something else.
Just to put it into perspective, I was FINE prior the news of my nephew and the first heart thump. He’s fine by the way.
I had made it a year without a serious bout of anxiety, maybe longer.
Ok, so fast forward and now it’s April. I was doing good until my follow up appointment day. Then I crashed again. I have a crushing phobia of doctors and all thing medical. The moment I walked out of her office it started again. Current “symptoms” are weird feeling in my leg and foot/ankle. Been going on for a while now. Of course the more I think about it the worse it gets. Currently back on Xanax as needed until my next doctor visit. I want that feeling when you first wake up and feel normal, until you remember to worry and the “symptoms” come back. I forget what normal feels like. My anxiety episodes last a few months each time. It’s never a quick bout of panic and then gone.
If you’re wondering, I’ve had multiple ekgs, blood tests, chest X-rays, etc in the past 3years or so. They always come back good so that should reassure me but never does. I always worry something horrible is going on. Something they missed, something weird they didn’t check for, blah blah blah.
All this started 3 months after my 40th birthday. Stress at work caused the initial attack. It stared with short dagger like chest pains. Scared the bujesus out of me. It’s been a roller coaster of ups and downs since. I was fine before that. Never had anything this bad that had me running to the doctor.
I guess I just wanted to get this out in the air and express my worries and ask if maybe someone else out there has had a similar experience to mine. I mean, I know there has, it’s just good to know there are people who can relate. Again, I mean that in the nicest way possible. Man, we go through hell on a daily basis. We need reassurance and some kind of medal for waking up every day lol.
Stay strong guys. I try to not let it beat me every day. Still here, still going.
This round will be over in time. Can’t wait to get to that “ ok, that was rough but I made it” stage. Summer is almost here and that’s when I feel best even though I hate summer. Heat in the south...yeah lol. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Makes me feel better just unloading some. Later guys.
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