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Thread: existential terror/anxiety/depression or death anxiety

  1. #1
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    existential terror/anxiety/depression or death anxiety

    Whatever you want to call it I basically have this fear that overwhelms me and I feel it is going to ruin my whole life.
    I have thought far too hard about mortality and existence, trying to find a way out of the fear but it has left me with the only answer being to do my best to forget. This does not satisfy me, the horror or meaninglessness of things just resurfaces at times when I really don't need it. It's ruining my life and may ruin my life right until it comes to an end (I have trouble typing that). I need to get past this, I need to so much. I need to find a better way to deal with it.
    I fear that it is actually taboo to talk about it, that others feel like this and that not talking about it is how they deal with it, and that my talking about it will only make them feel worse.
    Does anyone know if there's any sort of therapy that can help me with this? I can't go on this way, although I have no option. I don't want to have to drag myself out of reality in order to live my life.
    I don't know if this has made much sense. It's hard to explain without going in depth into all my thoughts on it and I can't do this here.
    Basically I can't live my life while having this awareness that ultimately things don't make sense and it's all random and meaningless. This stems from thoughts in childhood, where I promised myself that I would never let death happen, and that I would make sure to slow time down.
    I need to get help with this if I can. Does anyone know anything that can help this sort of specific problem?

  2. #2
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    Re: existential terror/anxiety/depression or death anxiety

    I don't really know what can help you through this unfortunately but if it gives you any support then sometimes I have thoughts that depress me about death etc.I lost my father way back in 1978 when I was 11 yrs oldI am 41 now) and I still haven't got over it which I think is the crux of my anxiety problems.I had a very strange childhood as I was always a highly strung child and always seemed jittery and anxious(my familys perceptions!)I was loved and cherished which is great but I always felt as though something bad was going to happen and hey presto it did when my dad died but life does go on and it must,I miss him terribly but in a way he was to blame for his own demise as he drank,smoked and worked too hard so really it was a recipe for disaster.
    Regarding the thoughts on feeling things are meaningless then I think it may have something to do with a persons own religious beliefs.I watched a film last night and it is a love story about the writer C.S.Lewis and it examines our belief in life etc,and there is one line in the film that always sticks in my mind and it is this "Pain is part of the happiness now" we all know that life causes us pain but we need to experience it so we can learn from it and move on,our responses to problems are what shapes us and makes us who we are,in childhood we are happy with our nursery and toys but something drives us out of our nursery and into the world of others and problems associated with it,we have to live our lives always with the notion of death at the end but we won't know much about it I am sure and even if we do I am convinced that we will be in a state of really not caring at that stage.Please don't live your life this way,there is so much going for all of us these days,there is so much to live for and growing older is part of the big plan.My father didn't live to see me grow up and he hasn't seen his grandaughter either which is so sad,he always lived his life to the full and always said he would live to a 100 but this wasn't in his destiny but us that are left can live our lives happy in the knowledge that we have at least knew him and spent some time with him.You sound like a person who thinks a lot maybe too much and I know I do and I have been trying to stop it lately as I know that my life is very important and I must enjoy myself while I am here at any age.Go and see your doctor if you find you cannot manage your thoughts on this and I am sure he/she will try and help you,good luck and take care.

  3. #3
    Dahlia is offline Intermediate Member
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    Re: existential terror/anxiety/depression or death anxiety

    Hello - I can relate to some of your thoughts, although I don't think about it a lot. It is something that I purposely stop myself thinking about because it freaks me out - and I know friends who do the same thing. I think everyone, (who is not religious perhaps?), has these thoughts from time to time.

    There is such a thing called Existential Psychotherapy, which I think works through the exact issues you have described. I did a quick search on the net and found this: http://www.existentialpsychotherapy.net/. I'm not endorsing this site, as I know nothing about it, but it might be a starting point for you?

    xx

  4. #4
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    Re: existential terror/anxiety/depression or death anxiety

    i know exactly what you you are talking about. i had to go on cymbalta because i developed extreme anxiety and panic after my baby was born but for weeks i was constantly thinking about that and could not get over wondering what is even the point of all this. the cymbalta has helped my block that thinking and live life but i still have the general icky anxiety coming in waves. that thinking was on of the worst things though

  5. #5
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    Re: existential terror/anxiety/depression or death anxiety

    Hi Befuddled

    you sound intensely aware of mortality at the moment. I think everyone goes through this at some stage. something happens and all of a sudden we become aware that we will die one day and so will those around us. It can be traumatic and scarey but the reality is befuddled we have no control over it and can't change it. No one can do this. So we live our lives and get on with it, but then you find yourself questioning the point of it all.
    Well, what is the point of it all.
    Life isnt meaningless it is a journey and an experience all by itself. We as humans dont have the capacity to work out or understand the all wonderous workings and why's of this universe, but what we do have is the ability to make choices about our own life experience.
    You have been given a gift what do you want to do with it? The choice befuddled is yours. rather than think what is the point, try to think about how you are going to use it the time you have.
    It's not depressing to think like this befuddled its liberating. you let it go and get on with the task in hand.

    Pooh xxxxx
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    http://poohsworld-pooh.blogspot.com/

  6. #6

    Re: existential terror/anxiety/depression or death anxiety

    I have the same fears and the same feelings as you have had for most of my life (46) the older i get the worse it seams to be the advice from some of the other poster is right we can do nothing as death is part of life but it is very hard to get your head round this my fears seam to extend to other things fear of getting old ( old ageis repulsive to me and i feel really bad to admit that) health fear(cancer) at one time i seamed to have a fear of every thing i had cbt for a year finishing in june it did help alittle but my fears of death/illness is still with me i am fighting it all the time it wears you out but you have to keep at it my father is the same he does not try to fight it he just lets it take him over we must make sure we do not pass it down to our children my sons only know mum is a worrier and we laugh about is some thing struck me just yesterday I am so frightened of death i am not living wer must keep up our fight against this thing and it helps to know that we are not on our own

  7. #7
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    Re: existential terror/anxiety/depression or death anxiety

    This is where faith in God has saved me. I know without a doubt that there is a heaven and I will be there when I die. If you have nothing to believe in, what is the point of living?

    I will say a prayer for you and I hope that you feel better soon.

    Sheryl
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  8. #8
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    Re: existential terror/anxiety/depression or death anxiety

    i envy religous people for this very reason. something my counselor wants to do with me is to explore the whole death thing, to play it out to its conclusion in an almost role playing type of scenario. i have to write letters to my family, for a start. i started doing that and it was awful. it's like i told her, the randomness of it all gets to me.

    part of overcoming anxiety is accepting that we make decisions, and those decisions may have tragic consequences. using hindsight, i can lament smoking and drinking and the effect it had on my health, but who's to say that one of those nights i was out at the bar behaving badly, i might not have been in a car accident on my way to a movie?

    i guess with that thought comes the realization that tragedy and death, etc, are part of the living process. that now is all that really matters and the best thing we can do is hedge our bets for the future by trying to behave too recklessly.

    while this type of thinking has not helped as much for finding meaning in it all, it has at least taken the edge off my day to day stuggle.

    i'll let you know how 'death therapy' goes for me.

  9. #9
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    Re: existential terror/anxiety/depression or death anxiety

    Quote Originally Posted by pooh View Post
    Hi Befuddled

    you sound intensely aware of mortality at the moment. I think everyone goes through this at some stage.
    Life isnt meaningless it is a journey and an experience all by itself. We as humans dont have the capacity to work out or understand the all wonderous workings and why's of this universe, but what we do have is the ability to make choices about our own life experience.
    Hi Pooh!
    'intensely aware' is a really good way to put it. However, I find it hard to believe everyone goes through what I do as I think, I hope, people would speak about these things more if they did. when this happens to me everything becomes meaningless and I feel utterly trapped in the world. It is as if things might as well be a dream, they don't feel real. It is something that recurs in my life and I fear it getting worse as I get older, this is why I want to seek help with it, if there is such a thing. I cannot overcome the problem but if I can become able to have more control over or change the emotion around it, it might really help. Thanks very much Pooh because I did find your message very hopeful, and also thinking that these things are beyond my understanding as a human is one way I do find some comfort.

    Thanks very much for all your messages. Sometimes I feel very alone in this and it's good to know some people experience similar.
    I am feeling a bit better tonight though still having thoughts pop into my head when I try to think about the future that remind me I may not be here then so I should be careful in thinking about it. These thoughts are not helpful, and make it hard to do anything that is about the future (which is a lot of stuff we do!).

  10. #10

    Re: existential terror/anxiety/depression or death anxiety

    Hey, befuddled, you are not alone!

    I too suffer from existential terror. I just have to try to shut it out, and think, like dear Dame Julie Andrews, about my Favourite Things.

    When it does strike you, it's bloody terrifying. No-one seems to be as bothered about it as I am - I ask friends, and they don't seem to get it.

    And for me it's not about the fear of dying - it's a total, terrifying bafflement about the reason for reality. What is the reason for reality? Why does everything exist? What is the purpose of the endless cycle of life and death? The idea that a seed becomes a tomato, endlessly, etc, becomes terrifyingly abstract and terrifying to me. The idea of sex is plain bizarre - pumping and grinding - the insistence of the life force endlessly making itself felt at all costs. All the usual questions... How small is infinitely small - can they spit an atom in half, then again, and again, infinitely? And what about the infinitely vast? Eternity? Etc. etc. - all stuff we've all thought about as children, but seem to be able to shrug off - well, I can't laugh it off like most people: 'Ah, we're just not meant to undertand all that stuff... now shut up, I'm watching Coronation Street'. How can they watch Coronation Street when such questions exist? The feeling of engulfing terror created by these thoughts feels enough to send me stark raving bonkers.

    The questions are so abstract that it feels as though my mind is going to implode if I think about it too much, and I'm going to go insane with it. I just have to force myself to think about fun things like Cary Grant films or the comics characters I loved as a child, and the feeling passes. But it's always there lurking - and it's lurking there increasingly, these days. It is truly terrifying.

    But I think forcing myself to think of something else is the only solution - because no-one else knows the answers to those questions. It's not something you can take a pill for!

    Apparently Jean Paul Sartre wrote a novel about it, called Nausea, which I'm gonna get. Another person's thoughts on it would be helpful. And he did coin the term, existentialism.

    Gah, it's fine! At least no-one else knows the reason for reality: we're all in the same boat! Altogether now: "Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens..."
    Last edited by Neil.; 30-09-09 at 23:24.

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