No worries, just wish something helped because when it's this bad each day is a massive uphill climb and then you wake up and do it all over again. I hated it.
When I went on Duloxetine it reduced me a wreck. Those first 10 or so days were the worst and all I told myself was that tomorrow it will break and I just held on teeth gritted. Nothing was going to help me then, I was so agitated the first few hours of the day I would stand in the kitchen as I just couldn't sit down.
The last two mornings I gave in on the Diazepam I had resisted and it did help. Those couple of hours where it calmed the symptoms of adrenaline down a bit helped with not only the symptoms of my chest feeling the pressure and me wanting to run a 30 second mile screaming (think the lift scene in the film Crank
) but also the thoughts of despair that I was going through yet again today.
If they can help, you know tons about managing them so you won't get tolerant. But sometimes you just need a few hours or that one less awful day and you get a little boost from that respite. If you can find that somehow, any how, it will do you good.
I hope something helps. Hang in there. You went through it before and kicked it's backside so you will again. Mirt is supposed to kick in quicker for those it works for so fingers crossed and I agree with you that your body has been used to it before so it should get into it sooner this time, it's perhaps the major imbalance of the shock of the withdrawal that needs to abate a bit first and then things will seem a bit easier to cope with.
Given the thoughts have come from the withdrawal, once you get stable again I would expect they will either go or greatly reduce. Some people have intrusive thoughts starting antidepressants and they often seem to go once they get through the side effects window.