ANYONE with OCD please help me out.

[conceptember]

I'm sorry for re-posting but I didn't get much replies on my other thread. (Sorry MyNameIsTerry you are very reassuring but I was hoping to also see if there were people in the same boat as me :/

hi everyone, my name is pj and i'm 20. i struggle with ocd/anxiety/depression off and on.

anyways, to make a long story somewhat short, i've been really struggling with very intrusive existential thoughts. this all started a couple years ago when i first posted on here. i was going through a tough time. my parents split up (they're ok now btw) i had a BAD spell of rOCD and everything just piled up and resulted in me becoming very depressed. And i got that scary thought that all depressed people get "am i going to be like this forever? i hope i'm not like this forever".

so, i browsed self-help forums online and came across one titled "Existential Depression". hm, okay, i'll check this out. (worst decision ever) it basically said people with existential depression get it from contemplating the meaninglessness of life. "ok? whatever" i thought. but then i read further and it said "this depression is not cureable, once you have it, you have it for life"

RED FLAG, ABORT MISSION

I always had existential thoughts before this. but they were out of curiosity, amazement. "what is the point of life? hm, idk. oh well" then move on with my life.

but after reading that and knowing these thoughts cause depression for life scared the crap out of me. so my depression got worse. every thought of hope that i would get, my intrusive thoughts would say "there's no point to that or anything, you're gonna die soon" and it was so hard to fight them because.. well it's true?

a few months passed and the thoughts went away, my life was great, got a new job, moved in with friends etc. the thoughts didn't bother me. but two years later now, they're back and i'm depressed again.

has anyone gone through this? my main fear is that i have acquired existential depression. i don't want that. i just want to live life and enjoy it, but my thoughts make it hard:( any help is welcomed. if you went through this, please tell me how you got out of it. thank you

Also, I've been bed ridden for a week or so. Is this normal that I just want to sleep? I hate it, but it's like the only thing that is comforting :(

[Clydesdale Epona]

Just wanting to sleep is understandable especially considering your current stress levels, often times many if us will find something comforting and something that never changes like a child would with their teddy bear,
Existential thoughts have always been a huge part of my OCD/anxieties and while I haven't overcome it yet(I've only just started working on my OCD actually) I just wanted to offer my support x I get through mine through distractions at the moment but i find replying to the questions helps,
So nobodies sure of the meaning of life or where we go when its over, so what? for whatever reason I was blessed with this life and I'm going to enjoy every crazy second of it, I personally feel like the meaning of life is different for every person, we find it and it could be a number of things, its important to remember that it was only curiosity before and it didn't bother you all that much so why would it now?
it is hard to say whether you would actually have existential depression especially as it can only be determined by professionals but all I'd like to point out is the mind is a powerful thing and if it sees something it can create the illusion and manifest itself, the same as if you tell yourself your banana milkshake is strawberry so much you can actually taste a bit of strawberry x
I know this was a lot of just rambling but I hope things start to look up for you soon!


All the best

[MyNameIsTerry]

Just wanting to sleep is understandable especially considering your current stress levels, often times many if us will find something comforting and something that never changes like a child would with their teddy bear,
Existential thoughts have always been a huge part of my OCD/anxieties and while I haven't overcome it yet(I've only just started working on my OCD actually) I just wanted to offer my support x I get through mine through distractions at the moment but i find replying to the questions helps,
So nobodies sure of the meaning of life or where we go when its over, so what? for whatever reason I was blessed with this life and I'm going to enjoy every crazy second of it, I personally feel like the meaning of life is different for every person, we find it and it could be a number of things, its important to remember that it was only curiosity before and it didn't bother you all that much so why would it now?
it is hard to say whether you would actually have existential depression especially as it can only be determined by professionals but all I'd like to point out is the mind is a powerful thing and if it sees something it can create the illusion and manifest itself, the same as if you tell yourself your banana milkshake is strawberry so much you can actually taste a bit of strawberry x
I know this was a lot of just rambling but I hope things start to look up for you soon!


All the best

And let's remember that Existential Depression isn't a medical term so it fits under something else and given we are talking OCD, there are differences in behaviour and how it can be escaped.

Ok, PJ. Please beware any site telling you it's incurable.

[conceptember]

Thank you, Terry. You do a good job on here posting and reassuring people. I just want you to know to know that your work doesn't go unnoticed with me. I really appreciate you!!

[MyNameIsTerry]

Thank you for your kind words, PJ, I really appreciate them. Just glad if I can help.

I was looking on Steve Seay's articles in case he covered this because aside from the excellent content, he gets plenty of comments. I was hoping it could add to your request to hear from others. Sadly, I couldn't see anything for this specifically but I did spot one obsession bullet point which might be relevant to you. He noted "fear of changing due to exposure to the ideas of others" in the Mental Contamination section.

This might be relevant in an OCD context because it's about people who think the ideas of others will rub off on them, and it's always negative stuff from what I recall. It might be worth reading about this theme as it will include ways to correct some of the thinking involved in it.

Aside from that, I've known a few sufferers who were triggered into their OCD theme by reading something. I can remember another with Mental Contamination type issues who would seem to adopt the anxiety disorders of others so tried to avoid them.

[yepisuredolikecats]

Do not worry. I've dealt with the exact same thing. You will not have to deal with this forever. I promise. It feels like it, but you won't. You will learn that satisfactory answers to these questions cannot be found when they are tied to a state of panic. If you wish to seriously find answers to your questions, do so when they are not pummeling you. I've been bedridden by thoughts before, and I 100% understand wanting to sleep. That's OK for now. Keep yourself distracted. But eventually you will learn to look those bully thoughts in the face and just say no. They will not help you, they only hurt, and they say they can't be defeated but I am living proof that is a lie. Do not worry, friend. this will not last forever

PS. Idk if you wanna do this, but it's helped to make a personification of my negative thoughts which is repulsive. I call him "Thorn Slug" and he smells like poo and has a leech mouth and is covered in thorns and he's a loser. Sometimes I say, out loud, for him to f*** off. And I never curse, only in times like that to make it a point that I mean business.

[conceptember]

@yepisuredolikecats,

Hey, thanks for the reassurance I've been trying to keep myself distracted lately but the thoughts are still in the back of my mind :( the joys of OCD. You you think you could PM me and talk to me about your experience with these existential thoughts? It would really help me out a lot. Thank you!