Please help - desperate

[Red12345]

Hi all,

I am a new member but have visited the site for years which has helped me a lot with health anxiety but over the last few months I have suffered terribly.

I have been married for 14 years, have 3 kids (age 13 10 9) but had a one night stand about 8.5 years ago. For the last 20 years I have been terrified of hiv and aids but have now convinced myself I have it, but worse still infected my wife and younger children who were breast feeding at the time of my one night stand - which was with a woman from work and I cannot remember if I used protection. I am not in contact with her but saw she is married and has had 2 children in the last 6 years and worry that she might have caught it from him and given it to me.

I don’t really have any symptoms, neither have my wife or kids, but I have noticed a white area on the side of my daughters tongue which looks like oral hairy leukoplakia but the dentist and doctor both said it is a normal variation of the tongue.

I have, for the last few months spent hours a day looking for info on the internet and today I have spent the whole day and I am terrified. I cannot talk to anyone about it.

I am at the end of my tether - please help.

[Mindprison]

I mean...

Have you asked your doctor to test you for HIV/AIDS?

Surely it would make more sense to go get a quick blood test done for it rather than worrying yourself over the course of 8 years?

Also I REALLY hope you're not implying what I think you are when you say that the person you slept with has a black caribbean husband and that you're basing that as the reason she could have AIDS.

If you are...surely you see how offensive that is?

[Munchlet]

Sorry I'm confused, you say that you are worried you caught HIV from a woman 8 years ago but she has had two kids in the last 6 years and you think her husband may have given it to her.

So surely that occured after you slept with her? Or was she having a one night stand behind her husbands back as well?

I think this is more about you feeling guilty having a one night stand behind your wife's back and your guilt is manifesting itself in this way.

As Mindprison says it's easy to get a test done and also you might want to reword the way you refer to the ladies husband. I'm sure you don't intend it to come across this way but it does read that you think he's more likely to have HIV because he is Black Carribean.

IMO you will be fine but I think if you really are that concerned about it you should get a test for the sake of your wife and children if nothing else.

Sorry if I sound unsympathetic but this isn't just about you it concerns your wife and children as well who are blissfully unaware of your fears.

[Red12345]

Hi thanks for your reply.

I have editted the post as I understand how my sentence sounded which I did not mean.

I am terrified to go for a test in case it is positive. I wouldn’t know what to do if it was positive and my family were all infected.

I suppose this is the only way to know for sure. I suppose the chances are in my favour:

1) she probably didn’t have hiv and has had 2x healthy children since
2) even if she did I might have used a condom
3) even if I didn’t use a condom I might not have caught it
4) if I did catch it I still haven’t had major symptoms after nearly 9 years
5) my wife and children are all in good health without any major illness

I will get booked for a test next week but any thoughts would be welcome in the meantime.

Thank you again

---------- Post added at 18:22 ---------- Previous post was at 18:17 ----------

Thanks Munchlet.

She was not with her husband when we slept together - I am not even sure if she knew him at the time but my anxiety has obviously got the better of me and I am thinking irrationally. (If she slept with me she could have slept with others and it was only a year after we slept together that she announced they were dating)

[Pmrr]

I reckon I’ve got more chance of winning the euro millions than you have of being HIV+ and I don’t put the euro millions on.

[Munchlet]

Another thought is most women have thorough testing during pregnancy which includes testing for HIV so I'm sure it would have been picked up and I'm sure that people with HIV are advised to contact former partners, so I would guess you are fine.

[Red12345]

Thanks Pmrr - what makes you say that? I know it does seem unlikely but I just cannot get it out of my mind.

---------- Post added at 18:30 ---------- Previous post was at 18:27 ----------

Another thought is most women have thorough testing during pregnancy which includes testing for HIV so I'm sure it would have been picked up and I'm sure that people with HIV are advised to contact former partners, so I would guess you are fine.

Yes, this is correct but I wouldn’t know if she was diagnosed during pregnancy as we lost contact and I don’t think she would try and get in touch if she found out she was hiv+

---------- Post added at 21:02 ---------- Previous post was at 18:30 ----------

Anymore thoughts from anyone please?

[Fishmanpa]

had a one night stand about 8.5 years ago......I don’t really have any symptoms, neither have my wife or kids

First off... NO WAY this is realistic. Secondly, does your wife know about the one night stand? If not, I totally agree with Munchlet that this is a manifestation of guilt induced anxiety that's going nag at you until you can find a way to resolve it.

Positive thoughts

[Red12345]

Hi there - what do you mean not realistic?

No she doesn’t know anything about it...and yes, I do feel guilty and worry that I have effed everything up. We have our dream family, house, life etc and now I just know I’m going to lose it all because of a stupid mistake.

[Fishmanpa]

Not realistic as far as being infected. The rest is in my previous reply.

Good luck and as always...

Positive thoughts