Can't get suicidal thoughts out of my head.

[lmcc87]

Hey,
So I've had severe panic attacks and GAD for maybe 11 to 12 years. I'm 30 and I've recently been to rehab and although they got me off my diazepam and sleeping tablets etc... as soon as they were gone my anxiety came back 100 times worse than it ever was. As soon as I left I got meeds straight away, that was almost two months ago so not only have I relapsed but I've been not getting so much anxious but suicidal... I've cut myself, have really thought about jumping off my balcony and I've put myself in dangerous situations. The only thing that is stopping me from doing it is that it will cause my family so much heartache... and that makes me so angry. My doctor doesn't give a c%^p , My dad just thinks I'm lazy and has no clue what's going through my head.. There is people I can talk to but I don't want to worry anyway because it makes me feel worse then and feel like I've no way out.

[Tyke]

Is there any way you can change your doctor or see another one at the same practice? You might be better off on something like SSRI anti-depressants, has that never been suggested? They are usually less problematic than older drugs such as diazepam. People who don't understand depression often mistake it for laziness. People can't see what is going on in your head. If there are people you can talk to, maybe they could offer some practical help if you allowed them to? Or are there any self-help groups or advice lines you could contact?

[ana]

Definitely find a professional you can talk to. The people who understand you best are the people who have struggled with suicidal thoughts and depression themselves, so I'd advise finding a forum or a group of people who know your plight. You need to take the steps necessary to ensure your condition doesn't worsen and you no longer suffer so much.

[Buster70]

Hi , it's a real shit feeling this way , both my daughter and partner have tried to take their lives , my daughter was so bad she had liver failure and was in hospital on the transplant list for while , I also have suicidal thoughts on bad days , what I can tell you is it can get better , it's hard to see that when you are in such a dark place , my daughter got her life back on track , got a new boyfriend quit school and got a job , ok some days she's not the happiest bunny but she is still here and has had a lot of good times since then , I've been in that position of being told your daughter might not live the night and I wouldn't wish that on anyone , I've also lost freinds to suicide and seen the devastation it leaves behind .
Somehow you need to find a purpose in life something to get up and out for , my dogs helped me keep going out through the rough times and the exercise also does you good body and mind , I sometimes stop while walking and just take in the nature around me the colours and sounds , it all gets dulled down by depression.
Take care and hang in there .

[NervousKel]

First step is to definitely get a different doctor. Are you on an antidepressant? If not, I'd get a prescription for one. If you already are on one, maybe it's time to consider a dosage increase or to try a different one.

How are you sleeping, with no longer taking your sleeping tabs? It's to the point where I could care less if I'm on sleeping tabs the rest of my life;-). Although not ideal, it's certainly better than night after night of insomnia.

[youwillwin]

I am so sorry for what I can only imagine to be incredibly difficult. I am a newbie here and not qualified to give feedback professionally (considering my own messed up mental space) but aside from the medications/seeking a understanding professional to talk to, I hope you are taking care of your self physically (making sure you get adequate rest, if you have sleeping problems do you practice guided sleep visualization? That helped me out tremendously when I had severe sleep anxiety in the past, also making sure that you are eating and exercising well and get adequate fresh air even if its for a short walk). These things are so important and can help you assess your situation from a more balanced space (if you are already doing this then please feel free to ignore the above). Have you also considered some personal meaningful goals for your life? Things that will keep you focused and determined to strive through your difficulties? This has personally helped me out as I have been battling very dark depression for 2 years now.

Sending kind and positive vibes your way.