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Thread: Doing it By the Spoonful

  1. #391
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    May 2014
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    Re: Doing it By the Spoonful

    Good morning. I just wanted to catch up with you and let you know what's going on here in South Central Georgia USA. When I begun telling you my story, I was falling apart. While there were a few things I could clang to, my world was a tattered mess of little victories surrounded by a sh#t load of defeats. But we persevered and today, while I'm far from being successful, I am enjoying some of the fruits of my labor.

    I guess what comes to my mind is the fact that I still have trouble wrapping my head around the idea that people will accept who I am. I mean all of us here get the shared problem we all have, and your support is greatly appreciated. But when you put your fragile egos out there for the world to see, well you know. But I do what I do, rather for vanity or shear insanity. Like a burning passion, a need to say what I have to say.

    I suppose the point of this is to say, life is scary and life is hard. But don't let that stop you from being all you can. I mean it only took me 50+ years to figure that out. Hopefully, it won't take you quite as long. Best to you all on your journey.

  2. #392
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    Re: Doing it By the Spoonful

    Good morning. To the general public, today shouldn't be a good day to post my thoughts. But considering I'm me and your you, why not. Last night was rough, in that I kept getting up. My digestive tract wasn't happy and my sinuses were screaming, "let me out!" So I slept in late knowing I have a deadline to make on turning my book over to my publisher. Then to put a cherry on top of this morning, the church next door is mowing grass and pruning bushes in anticipation for tomorrow.

    I don't really mean to be an Easter Grinch, but my heart doesn't need to get any larger at the moment. I suppose to point here is, not everyday is going to be an inspiration nor is everyday going be a sh*thole full of crap. We have to learn to take things as they come, hopefully with a minimal amount of complaining. So as you prepare for the holiday ahead remember the dude we honor on that day was having a pretty bad day himself. Happy Easter.

  3. #393
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    Re: Doing it By the Spoonful

    Good morning. Sorry it has taken so long to get back, but I'm still editing my upcoming book and trying to keep up with "10 other things at once", as my grandmother would say. But that's a good thing I'd much rather be doing that instead of burying my head under the covers.

    I suppose the thing I'm thinking about most lately is what impact can I have on others when dealing with pressure and stressful issues. As you know in my situation I hide the pain and anxiety I had. Thinking like most everyone that no one understand. (Which by the way, is a pretty good assumption.) But since I have apparently been blessed with the gift of gab, I am willing to stick my neck out and tell my story. Hopefully to shed some light on our shared pain.

    I'll be honest it hasn't been an easy ride. It probably killed my career as a business analyst. But more importantly it has freed my mind and heart to pursue my other passions, writing and photography. I suppose my point is, you may not have the desire to put yourself out there and that's okay. The thing is be proactive in overcoming the pain we share. Don't let panic and anxiety rule you. Simply do your best and take does baby steps to become you again.

  4. #394
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    Re: Doing it By the Spoonful

    Good afternoon. Well yesterday I wrote what I thought was a really good post. But unfortunately I did it on my phone and the whole thing erased before saving it. So gere I am this afternoon on my trusty (?) old desktop, to try all over again.

    The last week has been busy finishing last minute changes to the new book. Setting up promotional ads and sending out fliers has pretty much took up most of my time. I know that a lot of the time I write about reaching some degree of normalcy. So I really shouldn't apologize for reaching this point, but you still need to remember those who have helped along the way.

    Rather you realize it or not, just typing out my feelings here has been a great help in getting back to a place where I can function. Even without that many responses, just the sheer number of views shows me what I have wrote is touching someone. The thing I want to say is Thank-You. Thank-You to NMP, the admins that put up with me, and especially my fellow panic suffers, who through their empathy and non-judgement have helped me a lot.

    Last I hope Venus and the admin crew don't mind if I mention this, but for those of you in Great Britain that wish to check out my work. My books are available on Amazon.uk at: https://www.amazon.co.uk/-/e/B01JPDK192 It's a collection of my thoughts and struggles through this thing we call life.

  5. #395
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    Re: Doing it By the Spoonful

    Good morning. This is something I been working on for the past few days. I originally wrote for the general audience that read my public blog. But looking at it I thought someone here could use it as well.

    Specter of Doubt
    No matter how much positive energy I try to put out, there’s​ always a specter of doubt that lives within me. It’s not always a huge slice of doubt, but it’s​ usually hanging just below the surface. Taunting me, reminding me of what a screw up I can be. I’m pretty sure within each of us there’s some specter of doubt. A few years back mine was a behemoth that ruled my life. It seemed that every time I came close to achieving a dream or goal, my old friend the specter had to put in his, “two cents worth”. And tell me I wasn’t worthy of that dream or I wasn’t smart enough or handsome enough, to deserve that goal. So I meandered through life chalking up the goals I did reach to simple dumb luck.

    What started the process of turning this mindset around was three-fold. First was the inexplicable idea that I was better what I was seeing. Don’t ask me why, I just knew from an early age I was different. Not trying to sound narcissistic, but I just knew I stood out. Maybe it was this quality that made me a target for early verbal and physical bullying? Still I gravitated to the maturity of adults much better than that of my own peers.

    Second was my curiosity and inquisitiveness about everything and everyone around me. Many might think that’s just being nosy. But I think of it as having a mind open to all avenues of thought and opinion. Here this has helped me to overcome my doubts by giving me the drive to ask questions and to seek help.

    Third was finding the right people to help me rebuild my confidence and to show myself that I am worthy of a better life. This came through finding the right school and slowly applying myself to each course. This helped build my confidence and ultimately helped me become a leader in the classroom. During this time it was those very same people that encouraged me to pursue my once lost passion for writing and telling stories.

    So while my journey is yet complete, I still have my battles with that familiar specter of doubt that lives within me. But for the most part I’ve made peace with it. Learning that arrogance without doubt can be a foolish tool if left on it’s own.

  6. #396
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    Re: Doing it By the Spoonful

    Good morning. Again it's been a busy few days, even though it seems nothings getting done. My wife has been sick a chest cold, as for myself the same old same old stuff. I reluctantly got out of bed with Green Day's "St. Jimmy" playing in my head. I just got through popping pile of meds and today they've decided to upset my stomach, Yeah.

    I sometimes wonder about the split personalities we often present. By that I mean, my public online personality is mostly upbeat and positive. With you I'm much more myself with a touch of positive reinforcement mixed in, but around home I can be a total pain in the ass. Hey, I admit it. I am not the best person to live with, believe me.

    I guess we all have two or more sides to us; and most of the time I'm pretty sure those "sides" need to be separated. But in reality I shouldn't let the fact that I am this way, confuse or upset me. As human beings we display good and bad qualities. Trying to question that fact or continually blame other forces for those flaws, I feel is harmful. In that while outside forces do influence who we are, that doesn't excuse us from improving or changing ourselves.

    I guess my point here is, don't let excuses like "the devil made me do it" stop you from working on yourself. For a really long time I would give up on changing bad habits in my life. It wasn't until I was backed into a life or death situation, that I discovered even subtle changes can make all the difference in the world.

  7. #397
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    Re: Doing it By the Spoonful

    Good morning. It's funny how time can escape us in these times. When I was in the depths of my panic, time would crawl at a snails pace. Now that I'm feeling better I'm back to the hurried pace of the "normal" world. Which in a way is kinda sad, at least when I was isolated I worked at my own pace. But now that I'm driven by the demands of someone else's schedules, you know.

    I guess the point I'm making is, pace yourself as best you can. If you're having a day where you can't function, fine. Don't beat the crap out of yourself when you do. We in this forum understand more than most the ups and downs we go through. I'm not here to give you magic pill that's going to cure your ills. If that were the case would I still be here confusing my shortcomings?

    We all have faults and we all have flaws. The thing is move forward the best you can. After a while you'll see that those small steps have taken you miles. Be well, love the mess you are, and move on.

  8. #398

    Re: Doing it By the Spoonful

    This is good advice.

    My therapist also helped me take a lot of pressure off myself by saying to me, "Who said you have to stay/do for XXX amount of time? Just go with the intention of testing it out, you can always make an excuse and leave after 5 minutes"

    This sounds simple, but it was a big paradigm shift for me. Instead of thinking, I have to go this event and stay for the whole duration, I would go with an experimental mindset with the intention of staying for 5 minutes.

    Usually things turned out better than I was expecting and I stayed longer

  9. #399
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    Re: Doing it By the Spoonful

    Excellent Strategy, ParanoidAndroid1.

  10. #400
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    Re: Doing it By the Spoonful

    Good morning. It's been a hot and dry, now sticky and wet past couple of days around here. It's seems the seasons are messed up with Winter hitting us a few days in February, Spring being Summer and now Spring rains have finally arrived? But other than my trivial little problems let me say, my heart goes out to the children and adults effected by the bombing last night. The scares this is going to leave on those there and beyond will be devastating.

    My focus for the moment will be those of you that are effected by this. It's easy for me to talk about being at peace and focusing on calm, when I live in the middle of nowhere. But for you guys that have to face the noise and pressures of being around crowds of people every day I know it's hard. Still we need to redouble our efforts to be strong for one another.

    I know that being in the states it's impossible for me to be close enough to lend you more than just moral support. Still while the fear and terror that this incident is generating sweeps across Great Britain. Be aware that there are many more people that want nothing but love and safety for you and your families. My thoughts are with you, the best to you all.

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