Anyone else 30+ living at home?

[Xtrastrongbint]

No I just wondered whether you were getting the right treatment? As you are still suffering with anxiety despite being on meds could you go back to your doctor and ask for more help? I dunno - I'm not a doctor but it sounds like you could do with a little more help (and no shame living with your parents at all! Its nice to feel safe...)

[Tyke]

I lived at home with my parents until my early 30s. It was less common then and I found it extremely embarrassing. I didn't even get on with my parents that much, but my mental state meant I often struggled at work and I found the thought of branching out on my own terrifying. I did feel trapped and can't say I enjoyed it at all. I think the biggest humiliation was when chatting to girls and I got the 'oh, so your still at home with your parents then?' Usually that was the point at which their interest declined and my self esteem plummeted. Follow up questions, if there were any after that, often centred on whether or not I had a car, which I guess showed some sign of independence and sadly I failed that one too!

I do think it is far less shameful these days though. Many people struggle financially to meet rent or mortgage requirements and even couples are forced to live with one partner's parents due to housing problems. The high rate of marriage and relationship breakdowns also means plenty of people find themselves back with the parents, sometimes long after they had initially left home.

Many people on this thread get on well with their parents, which makes it a more positive choice to be there - why not enjoy the company and have the chance to save for a deposit so one day you can get a mortgage and not be renting for ever?

I did unexpectedly meet someone in my early 30s and as we had both got enough between us for a mortgage I did move out. Being able to save for that day did help us get on the housing ladder so it wasn't all bad. You never do know what is round the corner so for those who are unhappy with their situation, it can change if you want it to!

[DaveStaffs]

I'm 37 and still live with my Mum. I own the house but we live together because I'm single and my Dad died when I was young so we're both "on our own" so to speak. It just makes sense financially and also in terms of being company for each other but we are still independent of each other and live our own lives. The alternative would be that we live alone in separate houses which, to me, makes no sense. The situation may change if I ever meet someone who is willing to put up with my weird sense of humour and unique taste in tv shows but for now the situation is ideal for both of us.

Apologies for bumping an old thread but I'm new to the board and wanted to make myself useful

[NervousA1]

I'm 37 now I was 35 when I started this thread haha. My living situation hasn't changed. Still living with my mum and brother.

Can't see that changing to be honest, I don't seem to be able to connect with anyone on any level. The only time I see people is at work. Been promoted to Team Leader at work not sure how that happend! .

Any other people out there still living with parent(s) in their 30's? I don't know why it plays on my mind so much...

[sandra49]

hi,
my son is 40 this year and still lives at home with us. he is the youngest of the 3 and he does have shyness...probably would say anxiety.i worry about him when his dad and I are no longer here.we are 73 and 67.he won't join online groups though and he has been on the dole for 10 years. I just don't know what to do to help. thanks .sandra

[Panic sufferer]

I'm 37 now I was 35 when I started this thread haha. My living situation hasn't changed. Still living with my mum and brother.

Can't see that changing to be honest, I don't seem to be able to connect with anyone on any level. The only time I see people is at work. Been promoted to Team Leader at work not sure how that happend! .

Any other people out there still living with parent(s) in their 30's? I don't know why it plays on my mind so much...

Hi Nervous A1, I am in the same position, siimilar age to you. I lived out for most of my 20s and 30s and when my landlady sold the place 2 years back with zero notice I ended up back with them. It's the area I grew up in, me and my parents get on well, and I suppose I am here for the foreseeable, though as Tyke said you never know what's round the corner.

I also have Social Anxiety and though work is fine at the mo, worries about "not doing enough" on the social front have crowded on me lately. All the people I knew around here when I was growing up have moved away, and you need to start again as it were. I've been a bit lackadaisical on that front, and it plays on my mind too, so you're not alone in that.

[Deckard]

Hey NervousA1,

I am 31 years old, and I also still live at home. I felt awkward telling this to people. I do have social anxiety issues, yes, but they are not so severe that they would keep me from getting my own place. Nor do I have any financial concerns which would make buying an appartment difficult. The reason is my mom's health (she is wheelchair-bound), I just prefer being around, just in case something were to happen. When I'm away from home (like on vacation) I can't stop worrying that something might happen. Also my mom likes to have me around.

I used to try and hide the fact that I still lived at home, for fear of being classified as "loser still living with his parents". Recently, I stopped doing that, for a simple reason: people who would avoid me or shove me into a box because of that fact alone, are individuals I want nothing to do with, really. Everyone makes decisions in life which have to make sense for them, not for others.

--deckard

[beatroon]

Hi all, I don't currently live at home but have a very close relationship with my parents and both my partner and I spend a lot of time with our respective families - and when my anxiety is bad I desperately need my parents around me! So, I can relate.

I wanted to say that I have plenty of friends who live with their families for a variety of reasons. Some because they struggle with MHI, some because they are from cultures where it's common for people to live with their extended families, and some just because they choose to. I would *never* classify someone who lived with their parents as a loser for any reason. It's up to the individual, and as I've said above, in lots of cultures it's considered a good thing for families to all share a big house! I see absolutely nothing wrong with it and I know I'm not alone in feeling this way!

For those of you feeling that you may have missed out on starting a family of your own, perhaps a bit of lateral thinking might help. I was worrying about this recently to my Mum, saying that I felt alone and out on a limb and not part of my own unit (for various reasons I think it may be too late to have kids for me), and she looked at me and said: 'But you ARE part of a unit. This unit.' Obviously I cried, but good tears. Sometimes we just need to be reminded that there is a sense of futurity even if there aren't kids in the picture, and that family can be parents, siblings, nephews, nieces, and even friends. Armisted Maupin says a great thing about having a logical as well as a biological family: friends are the family you choose. It's cheesy but I have found it to be very comforting when feeling down.

Hope this helps somewhat. To recap: you are NOT losers; you are lovely people who are patient and kind enough to get on with your families; that is an asset not a disadvantage.

[ServerError]

I'm 32 and moved back in with my parents in October last year. To be honest, people can judge me however they like. I don't care. I needed help in getting back on my feet after my breakdown. Who else is gonna offer me that level of help?

People are so judgemental it's crazy.

[NervousA1]

Thanks for all your replies, I guess it's nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone's unique with different circumstances.

I had a pretty tough childhood, with my dad having epilepsy he was diagnosed with a brain tumor in 1991... Had 2 lots of brain surgery... He used to get violent towards my mother vaguely remember them fighting a lot. Feared for my life. He died in 1999.

At school growing up I was the quietest person there, everyone wondered why i never spoke to anyone... They always asked why i was so quiet. Was even afraid to ask teachers for help on anything.

When i turned 16, 2 weeks before i was due to leave high school i had a total nervous breakdown, massive panic attacks... My whole body went numb. This went on for years panicking etc. It was a nightmare... Did go to college when i was around 18. Spent a lot of years on JSA and income support. Didn't get a job until i was 27! I'm still in the same job 10 years later.

Been in 3 relationships in my life. Never worked out though as I prefere being alone it seems.

Did have a few friends growing up but i pushed them all away when i had the breakdown.

I still feel totally dead inside, emotionless... Not interested in anything as nothing feels real to me. Pretty sure that i have depersonalisation/derealisation. Still get anxious though around people. Does this all stem from my dad being so unpredictable?

Sorry to go on and on