Trusting People....

[Deepest Blue]

Hi Everybody, I hope I'm finding you all ok

Do you find that people can create anxiety in you by them not acting in a way that you believe they should? For example, I send a message to a member of my family or a friend, and they don't message back, they ignore it. Is it something wrong with me or is it something that they do anyway? I can't work this out because I am sure they are doing it deliberatly and I think it's rude. If they are busy or just don't want to talk, then the most horrible thing you can do is ignore them surely?

If someone contacted me, I would be polite and say i am busy right now or just say can I talk later? Not only are you respecting that person but you are also not making them think you've constantly said or done something wrong. I am always having to chase these people and it really hurts, and it certainly doesn't help my anxiety or confidence at all.

Does anybody else experience this?
Thanks for reading,x

[Anxious_gal]

wow I find that too, I nearly always text back straight away, I always invite my friends to place's, always let people know what i'm up to.
I think some people just have "low emotional intelligence"
so they dont realize that it may up set you if they don't text you back

[mick_uk]

yeah I'm with you on that, how long does it take just to text back.
I always text straight back.
perhaps it's us


mick

[Trapped]

I think some people just have "low emotional intelligence"

Yes, they lack empathy, or failing that are just pig ignorant,we are sensitive to these things and so take it to heart, or putting it simply they are not worthy of us.

[MistyMaya]

I agree. I think many of us are probably highly sensitive to things that perhaps others don't feel so deeply. I find if I'm feeling especially anxious, then things like this feel even worse.

It does really get to me that I seem so much more sensitive and affected by things than the majority of those around me. I've realised that I'm an *empath* . As I can understand how others might feel about things I often feel let down and disapointed when they don't respond to me in the same way.

[lesleya]

I find the worst people for replying back are the one ones that expect you to answer them straight away...
Ive got a mate..i love her to bits..known her for years but if i text her especially to ask a question it can take her days to reply...yet it she texts me and i dont reply straingt away she bombards me wth texts asking why i havent replied ....
Will never work folk out?

[Karen]

I don't think people do it deliberately to be rude or to hurt anyone. Some people are just like that and if they are busy they don't really think that the other person could be getting anxious or upset waiting for a reply.

I think it's different peoples expectations really.

Karen

[Deepest Blue]

I don't think people do it deliberately to be rude or to hurt anyone. Some people are just like that and if they are busy they don't really think that the other person could be getting anxious or upset waiting for a reply.

I think it's different peoples expectations really.

Karen

That is a very good point, however, now begs the question, should they be made aware about people with anxiety are very sensitive and could misinterpret their actions? Whether or not they were just thinking it was normal to do (as they act this way towards all their friends and family) that they should learn and educate themsevles with better people skills because as you quite right say everybody's expectations are different. I think it's insensitive of them to just treat everybody the same because somewhere along the line you will upset someone.

I know that with each individual I have contact with in my life I treat them in accordance to what I know makes them feel good or makes them feel uselful and listened to. It's just an awareness that I think people should learn because it's very important, I think so anyway.

Good input in this thread already

[Karen]

Hi Deepest Blue

That is a very good point, however, now begs the question, should they be made aware about people with anxiety are very sensitive and could misinterpret their actions?

That's a good question and it is quite difficult to answer because I suppose it depends how close you are to the person/people in question.

Most of the friends I am very close to know that I have anxieties about friendships and worry if I don't hear from someone within a certain time. But each person handles the situation differently.

To be more specific I have two friends who have supported me for a long time and about whom I worry if I don't have contact. In the end I was up front with my anxieties and both friends stood by me. One promises to always answer but won't give a time frame, the other promised to write (these are online friends mainly) on certain days.

I still find both situations difficult and both ways of dealing with the issue have their good and bad points. With the friend that replies when she is able I don't tend to worry unless it has been more than a couple of days, but I find myself obsessively checking emails etc. The other friend I go into a panic about if she is late replying.

I know these are extremes of the situation really. Most of the people I know do know I worry if I don't hear straight back and I think once they know they do make an effort to reply. However, I also recognise they have busy lives to lead and often me and my illness is not top of their list of priorities.

Sorry, this is a long winded reply, but in general I think it does help to let people know. They might just change the way they interact with you and I think it helps them understand, particularly if they don't suffer with anxiety themselves.

Karen xx

[snowdrop]

I have to admit I am guilty of this but not because I dont care etc just purely because I have a terrible memory so it often goes like this..

Someone will text me and i will think I will text them back when I'm not busy so I can send a proper reply with no distractions, then time goes on and i forget..then a few days have gone by and i think i cant text now because they will think i dont care and that i'm a rubbish friend SO I have made an effort to text back straight away even if its just to say 'busy now, will text later' What I would really like to say is 'I'm sorry i forgot' but that sounds cr*p even though its the truth!!

i think its right that life is just SO busy these days for most people or they have a really bad memory...texts are great but sometimes I admit I wish mobiles werent invented because every 5 minutes there seems to be a text to answer!!

I am trying to respond quicker and be a better person