OCD and parenting - terrified I did hurt or will hurt my baby

[Onekittymcgee]

I have an eight-month-old daughter who is my whole world. I adore her. But obviously, babies can be frustrating at times.

Tonight she just wouldn't go to sleep. She was thrashing around in my arms after hours and hours, and I lost my temper for a second.

I'm absolutely terrified that in that moment I shook her or something and blanked out because I was angry and forgot. That fear is only exacerbated by the fact that she screamed for several minutes after that and she never screams. What if I shook her or hurt her? I feel like a monster. I feel like I should be driving her to the hospital. I'm so scared. I'm trying to tell myself that I didn't shake her, I was just trying to calm her down as she thrashed, and that she was screaming because she was way overtired.

I'm so scared that I hurt her, that she'll have shaken baby syndrome and that I belong in a mental hospital for being the kind of person who gets mad at a baby.

[vicky23]

Aahh onekitty I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this.

I honestly think this is pure ocd talking and your baby is fine! I think the screaming was probably due to your panic when you realised you'd lost your temper that's all.

I don't know what time it is over there but I hope things have settled down and you've been able to reassure yourself your baby is fine and you would not hurt her! But I know OCD and how horrible it is at tricking you into thinking things. It is called the doubting disease for a reason.

Bless you and your lovely daughter
XXX