Doing it By the Spoonful

[fduop]

Good morning. You know a lot of sh#t can happen in just two days. First off late Thursday afternoon, I received a call from the medical supply store telling me my CPAP machine was ready to go. So I had my daughter drive me the 40 mile trip to pick it up. (Told you I live in the woods.) Anyway, been using it since and getting use to it again. That's the good news.

Well Saturday morning I decided I felt good enough to take my morning walk. By the time I got back I was out of breathe, my fingers on my left hand were numb and my face was numb. Needless to say, I panicked. Long story short, ended up in the ER had test run, most everything important came up negative. So thankfully, I'm sitting here talking to you. The doctor believes it's that pinched nerve I had problems with a few years back. So I'm on bed rest till I say my doctor this week.

Here's the thing, for me at least when symptoms can't be easily explained away, I panic. As you all know symptoms are usually bumped-up to the tenth degree when you have panic/anxiety. Going to the ER was inconvenient and expensive (American Healthcare). But once the testing was done I calmed down a lot. Maybe I should put together my own lab?

Here I am, a 17 year sufferer of panic/anxiety. But still no matter what I've been through, I still have moments of doubt and fear. You know what, that's okay, because each and every time I have a false alarm I learn a little more. I learn how my panic/anxiety were things I can't take for granted and slack-up fighting. Who knows why we were picked to carry this bag of crap. The point is adjust the load you carry and keep on walking.

[fduop]

Good afternoon. Just checking in to see how it's going. As for myself I'm still getting use to the CPAP machine, it's putting a lot of pressure on my diaphragm, but that should pass. Still waking up during the night but feel more rested in the morning.

Life has it's ups and downs and at the moment things are going pretty well. What you have to do is appreciate the good days and remember during the bad days, things can get better. So at the moment as things are looking bright let's do our best to see the morning instead of feeling that nothing but rain will fall.

[fduop]

Good afternoon. Well today was far more stressful then I wanted it to be. Had to leave early for a doctor's appointment. My new doctor is about the age of my two daughters if that tells you anything. While I went there for treatment for the pinched nerve situation, she noticed my blood sugar levels rising. So she's changing my treatment with new meds instead of the ones I've taken for years. At first I was a bit upset mostly at myself, but after a good nap my prospective has improved.

I maybe someone who's willing to give new things a try. But usually I end up not liking the change. At the moment a number of things are changing. Restarted my CPAP theory, got a new bed, and now new medication. You think I'd be excited, but honestly it really "bugs" me. Not saying this has anything to do with panic/anxiety but you never know.

One common thread I think we all share is dislike of change. Change in scenery, change in position, change in circumstances; it all makes us uncomfortable. That my new bed for example, the old mattress had, had it. It was uncomfortable and I think it's the main contributor to my pinched nerve. So my wife and I slept on the new bed last night. She said she slept very nicely, while last night I tossed and turned thinking my head wasn't high enough. I know that sounds like a silly little example, but you get what I mean.

We have to understand that change is inevitable rather I (you) like it or not. Its not easy (like switching to Windows 10) but for the most part change is okay. When I look in the mirror I may not realize it, but that face staring back at me isn't the same face I shaved twice-a-week when I was 17. But you know what, I'm a better man because of change.

[fduop]

Good morning. Yeah, the weekends over! I really don't know why I don't enjoy my weekends other than they seem to throw me off my routine. I must admit the medication for the numbness is working. The feeling in my hand and face are coming back slowly. It's not that they don't work, they do. It's just they are numb. Other than that new health issue, the CPAP is really kicking in. I'm sleeping really deeply once I turn off the switch which keeps my mind going.

I just made a comment to a young fellow about how anxiety is such a trigger for so much crap. In my own life my self-imposed isolation help in tamping down the amber's of anxiety. But in reality is that a good thing or a quick fix? Medication helps, but again is it just putting a Band-Aid on a bullet wound?

Sometimes I find myself getting a bit lazy in dealing with my anxiety. I mean, I take my meds but I get a bit lazy with clearing my mind and mediating. In my world letting go of things like regret, and anger, and shame are key to helping me live a full life. It's just that there are times when you're just too damn tried. It's like the war going on in your head won't let up.

I don't want this to sound like a no win scenario, far from it. I want to make this a rallying cry to take each victory as it comes. To love yourself, warts and all, and to live our lives as best we can.

[fduop]

Good morning. Even though last night I slept like a log, I got up this morning with my head in such a fog, I'm sure having trouble staying awake. But I was forced to go to the store this morning, so here I am. As I sit here and think about it this might be a sinus issue more than anything. My head's in a fog, my ears feel stopped up, and I'm a little dizzy.

But enough about my sad little world, how are you? One of the things that a health issue sometimes does is cause you to become a bit too self-focused. In my case, I end up looking at every condition or symptom as something greater than it usually is. I become so focused on this or that, that I lose sight of the world around me. While taking care of ourselves is an important thing, being aware of what's going on around us is important too.

Neglecting those around us can be is just as harmful as neglecting ourselves. The point I want to make is, life is more than just you or I. Like is about everything that surrounds us; loved ones, our homes, our careers, our community. Mental illness has a way of turning us wholly onto ourselves and while becoming healthy is the ultimate goal, so to is living a full life. The things is work to better yourself, but forget the ones around you.

[georgewing]

Yes little steps are very good and i sugest you to try as much as you can to leave your confort zoe easy by easy

[fduop]

Good morning and thank-you to georgewing for the kind remarks. Here in the US it's Father's Day A day set aside to celebrate Dads. Being the father of four and granddad of one, I've gotten my share of bad Father's Day gifts. Everything from socks and underwear, to gift cards to places I'll never go, to really cheap after shave. But my favorite gifts were always the cards they made at school and the hugs, love the hugs.

My family growing up was not particularly "hands on" friendly. Not that we couldn't stand each other. it's just that we were not "huggers" or overly affectionate. But something kinda clicked when my own children came into the world, I slowly taught myself to hug. But just to be clear, when I say slowly; I mean after 28 years I still have to remind myself to show affection.

The reason I'm telling you this to say, anxiety and it's by-product panic are kinda like a pressure cooker. As a kid I remember my mom used a pressure a lot to cook and preserve (can fruit and vegetables). The thing that fascinated my young mind the most was the relief valve that sat in top. As the pressure inside built-up the valve on top would let out stream to keep the pressure under control.

So often the stress of the day builds and builds creating stream in the form of anxiety. Then when that anxiety gets to the point where we can't take it anymore the valve blows and things like panic pour out. One of the stressers in my life is the fact that I internalize my feelings. If at an earlier age I'd been taught a constructive way to express my feelings, maybe?

The point is don't hide your fear, anger, or love under a basket. Find yourself the right relief valve, so that when the pressure builds the whole thing won't explode and make a big mess of things. Happy Father's Day.

[fduop]

Good morning. Since my last post I finally put a boot up my own ass and started working again on my next eBook project for Kindle. I may have spoken of this before, but I seem to have a short attention span when it comes to delivering projects. So I suppose I just get bored with the details when it comes to delivering ideas.

I have the worst problem with procrastinating even when given a generous deadline I'll wait to the last minute to finish something. But here's the thing, I get a rush when I do that; and when I do complete a project earlier I get extremely bored, go figure?

Anywho, I suppose I should stress the work of pushing ahead with whatever goals you've set for yourself. I'm a flawed man and I'm the first to admit it. But even with all my shortcomings I understand without knowing my flaws and having a desire to change them. I'd still be laying in my bed in the fetal position just like I as 17 years ago. So love yourself despite the flaws and do your best to be who you desire.

[fduop]

Good morning. Despite such a crappy start yesterday, the day turned out pretty good. I worked up a second draft on a chapter of my latest eBook project and despite the 100+ degree F temps, it was a pleasant day. Funny how that happens, one day you get up all "bright-eyed & bushy-tailed", but the day turns out to be crap. Then you have a day where you wake-up feeling rough, your out of coffee filters, and there's nothing on the morning news but Donny Trump making incoherent speeches.

Yet, after turning off the TV, using a sock as a coffee filter, and pulling up yourself up by the "boot straps", and you end up having a pretty good day. Weird right? Life is all about what you make of it. "Some days are diamonds and some days are stone." The thing is what are you going to do about it? The key to beating any bad situation is to look at what you can do with what you got. Instead of looking at a bad situation and throwing your hands up. How about honestly looking at what's in your hand and bluffing like hell.

No rule book says life is fair, it's only as fair as you allow it. Do what you have to, to be the best you. Success can be measured many different ways, my success isn't going to be your success. Happiness and content our the goal. So if you see yourself unhappy, grab a clean sock and begin the day.

[fduop]

Good morning. Last night was a little rough had a kinda strange dream, but I woke up and more or less "hit the ground running". After checking my blood sugar and downing my breakfast of champions (my medications), I went to Facebook to see how my family and friends are doing.

After years of being on FB you'd think my now I'd figured out it's nothing but a forum to spit out stupid misinformed information. When all I really want to see are their poorly shot baby pictures and how there bunions are doing. Why do my family and friends feel the need to tell me crap they hear on the cable rumor mills?

As a person that suffers from elevated levels of anxiety and depression, the last thing I want is more bad news from those whom I seek support. Not that I can't handle a certain level of bad news, I just consider FB here in America a forum for sharing personal news; not stuff I'm flooded with 24/7 off my satellite subscription.

While I understand people get frustrated and need to vent, how about screaming into a pillow or excusing instead. Life's short enough to obsess over who said what just to sell soap on a news channel. Doesn't the Christian Bible say, "Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs" Ephesians 5:19. The world is so full of sadness as it is, why add even more sadness to it. Sing a song of hope.