I just want to feel a pain and not think I am dying

[littleblonde2005]

I never thought I'd be writing that as a title, saying it out loud (or typing) . But this is my life at the moment.

I have always been very anxious and pretty much worried about everything and I have had OCD for as long back as I can remember. But have always sort of muddled through and accepted this was my life. But since the birth of my eldest daughter in 2010 I have had health anxiety. I had it for a few month after she was born but it did slowly settle. Then in 2011 when I had my second daughter it came back and felt a bit worse and lasted a little longer but again settled. But all this year now it's reared it's head and it's just getting harder and harder to deal with it. My OCD is worse as on top of everything I have to deal with that it's also making the constant checking worse and it takes longer. I always felt like I had control but I don't anymore.

It's a constant cycle. My biggest worries are currently cervical cancer and Brest cancer. My fears all seem to be in those areas. Although at the start of this week mouth cancer joined in as well. Every ache I have I put down to having cancer. I spend so long on google that I no most sites word for word. I no I should stay away but I get this obsessive urge to look and nothing will stop me. I spend hours hunting lumps, examining my body, panicking about pains and wondering how I am going to tell my dr I think I have found something else. I am exhausted. I am causing more pains because of the prodding. I am currently sat here with back ache and wondering what this means I must have.

I feel down now, I am not sleeping , I am grouchy and just fed up. My life seems to be taking up by the constant worry and obsessive checking.

I finally feel like I can't feel like this anymore. I deserve better and so do my family. I have made an appointment with my gp and I go next Week. But I have no idea where to start. Do I mention the health Anxiety OCD and anxiety or do I just mention one this time. How do I even start the conversation. Any tips on what to say or mention.

Thanks for reading

[Frankie123]

I feel so sorry for you but do know exactly how you feel. HA has also taken over my life and I find very little happiness in life. It is a very difficult thing to overcome and you certainly will need help to do it. My GP proved a boon after I decided to tell them everything. The first thing he said was that this could happen to anyone - even to himself. He then carried out a number of tests including blood and scans all of which returned as normal. I was then prescribed citalopram which, once it kicked in, helped me greatly. So my advice to you would be to tell your GP everything and how you feel and I am sure they will help you. I do hope you will find some peace of mind soon.

[KJE2282]

I totally know how you feel. I too am on citalopram... And it always works, I've had to go back on them in the last couple of days as my HA has got beyond what I can control. I wrote a post earlier this morning in fact.

I'm currently in the phase where the tablets are making me worse before they'll a kick in and make me feel better.

I have the most amazing doctor and I'm going back to see her next week. I will get her to check and reassure and then at that point, I make the stand to move on.

It worked last time, about 9 months ago, I'm hoping it will work again

My HA seems to be linked to my menstrual cycle too.... So I'm going to ask her about that when I see her.

Good luck x

[Beckie4567]

Omg reading this was like I had typed it it's really hard to feel like this and not feel like you've got anyone to talk to about it mine started after I had my first child constantly worried I was guna die and leave my children without a mum I now have two children and I feel a lot worse it ruins your life on a daily basis and no exactly how u feel every days a struggle and u can't do anything to help it I wish I cud be happy I life and enjoy the time I have on this earth ,I don't want to have any regrets in life. Or look bk and think I wasted my life but that's how I feel it's guna be at the mo be strong hope ya ok xx

[Avasmummy_x]

Ok first off you are not alone. I'm 21 and a mum to 1 my health anxiety also started when I had my daughter. I can't remember a day in the last two years I actually felt healthy. There's always a twinge/pain to set me off this year I've diagnosed myself with dvt, pe, copd, lung cancer, heart disease, breast cancer and I'm currently telling myself I have a brain tumour and am even booked in for a neurologist as I've had the same constant headache and dizziness non stop for weeks. So I clearly have a tumour. I'm sure once that is ruled out ill move on to another terminal illness. Life is not fun at all anymore and I'm becoming depressed with it as I'm in a state of worry all the time.