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Thread: Fear of boyfriend dying

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    873

    Re: Fear of boyfriend dying

    Pip

    That for me is the only bad thing of getting attached to someone. You will lose them at some time. Guaranteed. Loss is the worst human emotion for me and I fend myself holding back or being distant so I don't get too attached and that is really sad.

    Mee
    __________________
    Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.

  2. #12

    Re: Fear of boyfriend dying

    I am so very, very afraid of losing my children. I get these unwanted thoughts about how I would feel if they died - how I would feel in the oncoming months thereafter without them. It is such a horrible feeling and it makes me sick in my stomach.
    When I kiss them goodbye I get the thought in my head that maybe this is the last time I will see them alive
    I do rituals like for instance when they go to bed I have to tell them I love them - I'm so scared if I don't then if I lose them the next day I did not get to say it.
    I don't even scold them because I want to have a good day with them because I have these thoughts that what if that is my last day !!!
    Breathing and trying to live in the moment I have tried but the constant bad news on the radio does not help.
    I HATE living like this !!!!

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    873

    Re: Fear of boyfriend dying

    Totally Relate Annie. What scares me the most is the images of them in a hospital bed etc....

    Started when my second child was born I started having nightmares with him in getting run over after running in to road.

    Would love to live again. I suppose this anxiety helps us keep them safe as long as I dont limit what they do or make them anxious which I think is happening a little. :-(


    Mee
    __________________
    Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.

  4. #14

    Re: Fear of boyfriend dying

    Oh my gosh ! i can not believe i am not the only one ! when my boyfriend does not text me back or call back right away i believe he is dead. the imaginary "movies" i play in my head are so disturbing! I have had anxiety disorder for as long as i can remember. as a child if my mother didnt come to get me by 430 from daycare, instantly i thought she died ! it is controlling my life im so exhausted from it. I can not go or do anything without worrying about the lives of family! if you read something or something helps you please let me know ! i am desperate for help PLEASE

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    3,678

    Re: Fear of boyfriend dying

    Hi Pip, sounds like you are suffering from some kind of abandonment issue or "seperation anxiety". Anxiety is related to a sense of threat (as opposed to depression, which is linked to loss) and you see the loss of your partner as a major and terrible blow. Of course it would be, there's no way I would ever minimise the loss of a loved one, but the point is WHY you are thinking and feeling the way you do.

    There's probably quite a lot going on. You lost your dad, which must have been terrible, especially for a child. That's your sense of security flying out from under your feet so fast you spin arse over elbow and land on your head.

    Now you are feeling mortal dread about your partner. Not only will this probably link to losing your dad, there are probably security and self esteem issues as well: you may feel secure and happy with your partner because you previously felt vulnerable. The vulnerability hasn't gone away, you're experiencing it in the form of relationship anxiety.

    Do you feel helpless about things, like you're going to lose them and there's nothing you can do - that you'd be lost and alone without them?

    The way to cope with this is NOT to cling on tighter. You cannot become the same entity as your partner and you could even push them away. You need to concentrate instead on building up your OWN confidence and your own self-esteem. Imagining something bad will happen is classed as "magical thinking" - thinking you can create an awful event just by thinking about it.

    It is not disrespecting your partner to train yourself to cope on your own. You are not abandoning them or putting any distance between you except a normal, healthy distance - you cannot exist as one person, you are seperate people leading seperate lives, you share your lives and experiences, so a small amount of space is REQUIRED for a relationship to be healthy. In fact your relationship should IMPROVE if you learn to rely more on yourself and not dread losing the other person.

    I suffered crippling seperation anxiety during my last relationship and it ended up killing the relationship. When we split up I survived and in fact I have thrived; I've been to the Algarve with work colleagues, I'm massively upped my game at dealing with anxiety and I've got a ton of writing done. The point is, there's no need to fear things. OWN your life, OWN yourself, then whatever else happens you will know you can deal with it. Why would anyone be frightened if they KNEW they can handle things?
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  6. #16

    Unhappy Re: Fear of boyfriend dying

    Hi everyone I have this same fear and everyone seems to find reassurance in 'having family/friends' that are there for you if something ever did happen to the boyfriend but for me it makes me panic even more. I have become a better new person thanks to my boyfriend and in the past my family doesn't agree with me on 90% of things. We're sodifferent. My boyfriend is the only person who truly understands me and I don't care if there are others out there. I love him. I don't beleive in love after death... And I'm scared that since I'm finLly happy, now something bad has to happen. I can't picture me having a happy ending/marrige kids . Even though that's what I desire. I feel like either me or my bf will die, like I'ts not part of my destiny. I'm going bonkers here.

  7. #17

    Re: Fear of boyfriend dying

    So I googled "I have anxiety about my boyfriend dying" and it lead to here. I thought I was going crazy, I literally feel like I have. I'm 22, and have been with my boyfriend 6 months. My dad died when I was 17, very suddenly. I had no idea the implications it would have on my relationship, naively.

    I had a few little panics about my relationship as we've gone along. About if he's attracted to me, if I love him more than me etc. He doesn't understand it, but he tries to. But recently that changed. My boyfriend (I've recently discovered) has major commitment issues. He's 32, I'm his first girlfriend. He's also got depression. He's seeking help, and I'm very proud of him.

    But this sends me into a panic. I'm smothering him, but he wants space. When I give him a space, I'm so scared he's going to die. I haven't slept in weeks, or eaten a proper meal. I've never been so scared in my life.

    My relationship is on the rocks, I want him to be safe and happy. But I want him with me. I wish I had a time machine to go ask a few months and appreciate the beauty of first love. Sorry for posting, I'm not even sure if I've done it correctly. I just saw the original post, and thought at least it's not just me.

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    1,411

    Re: Fear of boyfriend dying

    This sounds very much like me. You're not alone. It's very draining.
    __________________
    "Oh dreadful is the check -intense the agony -
    When the ear begins to hear, and the eye begins to see;
    When the pulse begins to throb - the brain to think again. The soul to feel the flesh, and the flesh to feel the chain."

    - Emily Brontė

    "No matter how irrational I may sound, it's real to me"

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