Heloo everyone,
Just thought i would share a little about my social fears.
Its so awful,so embarassing dont u think? I mean im a mother of 4,in my thirties and i feel like a child.Heres a quick rundown of my probs,does anyone else feel this way?
1. cant do the supermarket trip alone anymore.Feel like all eyes r on me at the checkout,start shaking head to foot,scared everyone will c my hands shaking when i try to pay.
2. hate writing in front of others,my hands start shaking
3.Meetings at work, my gosh,i have to arrive long before everyone else as when i get there im shaky,nervous,heart hammering and stuttery,have to give myself time to calm down.
4.eating out,cant do it,or drink infront of strangers,everyone will see the state im in.
5.missing opportunities which come my way as i feel i just cant.
6.general socialising,be it a party,get together or club.I have to drink alcohol b4 hand to numb the anxiety then fight the panic the next few days.The alcohol makes my heart race and when i get home i lay in bed freaking out,even while out i'll dread going home to bed as in my mind i know im gonna have a hard night fighting the fast heart rate.
7.The thought of being confined in a plane,no way.
8.performing in front of strangers,certain people, puts such fear in me,i shake,get self conscious.I dont really know what i think is gonna happen thats so bad,i dont get it.
9.Always wondering what people think of me.I have no confidence or trust in myself.I think im ugly even tho people tell me im gorgeous,how they wish they were like me etc,i dont see it.I wonder what people are staring at.
10.All the negative self talk and always catastrophizing,the apprehension,the down times,putting myself down,wanting perfection subconsciously.
I will write some of my experiences soon with this horrible,messed up situation that we find ourselves in,i could write so much more,ive had some awful frightening times and i guess more to come i suppose.Everything to me is like a negative challenge.I've just had enough,we could be so much more,all the stuff we miss out on,its so sad.So sad i have to shake my head. Will add some tips another day too.
We need to fear less and believe in ourselves.Anxiety sufferers are so strong,look at the amount of times we feel we are staring the worst case scenario and pull through.
Sorry to go on,one of them days.
Best wishes tulip741 x