Hi Everyone,
So wish I wasn't writing in this forum again but I feel I need to vent. Been suffering and conquering symptoms for a while. Seem to have had a really good run a feeling between 90 - 95% anxiety free and just continuing to challenge all my symptoms, and metephorically holding my anxiety in a head lock and punching it in it's head with it's own limbs shouting "stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself, why are you hitting yourself"...
...but alas, I have been thrown a curve ball and miss judged how quickly the little bugger can take a hold of your brain and turn you into a quivering mess.
It started on Thursday, I was feeling really good, my breathing seemed ok, had slight case of overbreathing but i've learned to deal with that and tend to get on with my day fine.. then out of no-where I start getting really dizzy, like vertigo type dizzy.. find it difficult to think straight, and my head feels like it's swiming, almost feels like im under water.
My brain instantly recognises this symptom as "brain cancer"... (I don't know why my brain thinks that because that's just jumping to conclusions and I've never had brain cancer before), but then it think's well maybe it's just a stroke instead, hmmm.. again that's not likely but could be, I also go through the thought of high blood pressure which could mean imminent death...So you can all see where this was going. My breathing began to quicken, my thought's started swirling into one big crazy mess, and hyperventillation had now firmly kicked in, my chest feels tight, maybe i'm having a heart attack, the fear starts to kick in, my ears go strange sort of deaf, and my tongue and throat go dry, I feel sick and need to get out of here, but i'm in my bedroom lying on my bed, this is the best place to be, but still I needed to get somewhere.
That somewhere you need to escape, I realised at the time is anywhere that your brain isn't. If I could have given myself a frontal lobotomy right there and then I would have.
So now it's Monday, and i'm still suffering with this bloody dizziness and anxiety. I've decided to see the doc, against my better judgement and ask for a head scan. I've never been down the route most anxious people do i.e. scans etc and feel that I can move on if I have one and nothing show's up, I can almost guarantee it won't show a single thing and my doc will say "Your totally healthy"... then why the hell do i feel so freaking mental, you stupid man!
So right now I'm trying to change my frame of mind from a negative horrible one where I'm thinking about breathing etc and trying to accept this new symptom and let it do what it want's to do so that it dissapears. If I just allow it to be, then it will cease to bother me.
I refuse to collapse from this and regress back to a crazy uncontrollable mess, Going stay positive.
Any feedback would be nice, I could do with a chat about this.
Thanks guys (and girls).