Hi everyone,
It's been a while since I posted. I go through a couple of weeks where I think I have the measure of this thing and then 'bam' it's back as bad as ever. I just want to get a few things off my chest relating to negative thinking, which seems to be at the crux of my anxiety.
In any given situation, I think, 'what would be the worst thing to happen here' and then feel a real jolt of fear when I can't immediately say that it's impossible.
For example, I'm sat here wanting to ask for support from you guys as I feel particularly low this morning and immediately I think, what if i can't log in to NMP, what if I cant type or spell? Deep down, I know it's cr@p but I can't help feeling that jolt of fear.
I sit down to breakfast and think, 'what if I can't eat'?
I feel under pressure as I have a young family depending on me and I feel an idiot and a failure for thinking like this. I'm an intelligent person, so why can't I get rid of these feelings?
I have no reason to doubt myself, I've been very successful at most things I've tried but I can't shake off these negative thoughts.
Anxiety used to be a much more physical thing for me but I've beaten that. If I feel tense, I just shrug it off. It seems that anxiety has found another way in. My mind seems to be thinking constantly about how to beat this thing.
I've seen my GP and he refered me to a clinical psycologist but having had the initial interview, I'm told that there's at least a 12 month waiting list.
I feel like I rely on my intelligence to make my way in the world, I'm an aerospace engineer, but if I can't rely on that, it's a disaster - I'm lost.
I keep saying to myself, 'just stop it, you're imagining things that are just not true', but I can't feel that that's the truth. I know I need to just believe in myself but that seems impossible. It feels like the answer is tantalisingly close but I just can't find it.
Thanks for listening.
Cheers
A