Doing it By the Spoonful

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Good morning. Today so far is turning into a fairly decent day. I finally got my royalty check from my publisher for the quarter and book sales were better than predicted. Which in turn means a few bill collectors will be happy for about a month. Other than that it's cloudy, humid, and hot, a typical late July in Southern Georgia.

A friend mentioned that my work recently was reflecting a certain degree of introspection and I suppose that's true. But it's the best source material I have, reflecting on my own successes and failures to plot new directions. The key is to look at your own actions carefully and compassionately. Often times we look at ourselves with a much more critical eye than we should.

By looking at your actions with more compassion, you are showing yourself the same degree of love and compassion you'd give a loved one or even a stranger. If your willing to forgive a loved one of a wrong to keep the relationship growing. How about the same for yourself? Life's too short to be screwing around with your head the same as the haters in your life. Try a little compassion then see what happens. You might be surprised things you thought you'd never overcome might start dropping by the wayside.

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Good morning. Wow. I hadn't realized how many days it has been since I posted. Time seems to be getting away from me lately, with promoting my book and the increased correspondence I'm having to do. Also the roller coaster ride ride I'm having getting my wife's medication straightened out. But as you all well know, life waits for no one.

Lately I'm been dealing with a few self-esteem issues. Mainly focusing on the newly rediscovered truth I mentioned between me and a long time friend. It seems we are having a new case of "puppy love". Meaning I'm actually worried when I don't receive enough text messages during the day. When I'm not even considering how busy her life may be at the moment.

I know this may seem a very childish problem. But those of us with lifetime self-esteem issues I can definitely see this being a problem. The thing I'm trying to do is realize that faith plays a large role in this relationship and the commitments we made depend on that. Sometimes will power and motivation can only take you so far. You have to realize other lives and egos are involved and that some things are just out of our control.

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Good morning. Because I been over doing it around the house and with my walking this week. I've been confined to the house for the next few days because of dehydration. Doctor wants me build up my fluids since I been getting dizzy and sluggish. So from the confines of my prison hello.

I'll make this short and sweet, no matter how good you may think you feel. Don't push yourself too much. In my situation of heart damage, diabetes, high pressure, etc., Etc. When I get a good steak going, I don't want to stop. But my Cardiologist in the early Spring warned me about messing around in the summer heat. For us this year the real humid heat didn't kick up till a few weeks ago. So a few days ago I thought I was fighting a little stomach flare up, instead I was dehydrating. With the conditions I already have and my "age", re-hydrating without a hospital visit is a slow process.

So I'm stuck here in my air conditioned four walls, water bottle in hand, being told I'm not young anymore. So what do you do? Be selfish and do what you want to do? Or do you listen to the doctor and get better so you can fight another day? I choose to fight. Not because I'm scared, but because I want to finish this thing through in a blaze of glory.

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Good morning, simply wanted to say I'm feeling much better. Got a cautionary all clear to do my light exercises. But to take it easy through the rest of summer. Talk to you soon, remember to get up each day and love yourself and do your best.

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Good evening. Sorry I been away, my desktop out and won't be repaired till after the first. And using my phone isn't the easiest for this site. Just wanted to touch base and say, life throws all kinds of crap at us. The stress it creates can be overwhelming. The best thing you can do is breathe through the situation, remember it's only a panic attack. So do your best to plant your feet firm and ride the wave out. No one knows more than me and the other PD vets here how hard it is, but nothing worth while hardly ever is. So be strong and love yourself.

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Good Evening. I'm sorry for my absence but obilgations have tried my hands. It's hard to post from my phone but considering how long it's been since I've gone. I decided to get over my limitations with this phone and post anyway.

As far as my health everything's going alright. No major issues. Mentally I've had an issue or two panic, but nothing that all haven't put up with. I suppose more than anything I'm sure frustrated with the things around me. The way our governments operating, mass way we causally look at the mass killing lately. It's enough to either discourage any work toward change or simply bury my head in the sand. It's sad.

I suppose more anything I'm just trying to figure out what to do next. Life is a finite existence, it shouldn't be wasted doing only for yourself. Maybe together just as we swim through this murky water of panic and anxiety. We can figure something out.

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It's sad in a way when you get to a point where your feeling pretty good. Then without realizing it you slip back into the abyss you just crawled out of. it seems when things are going good, we tend to forget to maintain the doing the things that made us better. things like mediation or keeping a journal, or making positive afformations. Yeah having a good time can tend to make us lazy. But with panic and anxiety we have to be diligent with maintaining our well being.

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This is something I posted to my public website. I thought that it might help someone out there dealing with panic and anxiety issues, when it comes to dealing with others.

Sitting here I’m not all that sure what I’m going to write about today. As usual there is so much crap going on in the world that I really don’t want to talk about it. In my own life things are pretty tame, if not boring. And no real drama on the family front, the kids and grandbabies are doing fine. So what can I say, got nothing to really complain about other than the usual.

As commercialized as the holiday seasons are, it’s always been hard for me to get into “The Christmas Spirit”. It’s not that I dislike Christmas or anything. I suppose it’s the pressure I felt as a parent and caregiver that it placed upon me that upsets me the most. For a long time, we were dirt poor. Working from paycheck to paycheck just trying to keep shoes on the kids’ feet, let alone my own. My kids get a bit uncomfortable when I bring up the subject of how little we had. In fact, I would say it’s a driving force in them to work hard and establish lives and homes of their own.

It’s hard not to look at those days without feeling that I could have done more. Believe me, even now it stings when you’re at Wally World and your oldest at her age now sees an Easy Bake Oven and says, “I always wanted one.” Life is full of guilt and regrets. I suppose more than anything, feeling like I could have done better affects me the worst. My current philosophy of life is to try and look at myself with kindness. Focus on the moment at hand and treat others as I wish to be treated. I suppose I should look at my shortcomings as teaching moments. But it doesn’t ease the pain of regret and inadequacy I carry around this time of year.

So as you hurry about putting up decorations and spreading holiday cheer. Let’s not forget the little one’s and let’s remain them that this holiday is more than just presents and tinsel. It’s about the gifts given without fanfare, the quiet things we do for each other on any given day. The sacrifices we make not because we have to, but because we want to. That is the full measure of Christmas.

Dealing with mental health issues is a problem all it's own. But when you add how it can affect your family life? Even after years of dealing with my issues it still bothers me. The thing is don't let things beyond our control to ruin the life you are trying to maintain. Remember you have friends and support here at NMP.

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Good Morning. It's been a while since my last confession. So while I haven't had a serious panic attack in a long time. But it doesn't mean anxiety and depression are not a part of my life. Things have been going fairly well the last several months. But living with panic and anxiety is a day to day struggle. That no matter how well things can be going, the rug can be pulled out from under you. So what do you do? Go hide in the corner? Well that's a bit impractical, we all have to live our lives. The thing we have to do is have compassion for ourselves and our flaws. Being mad at ourselves never solves anything, but taking one step at a time will. Don't let your shortcomings become an excuse not to do the best that you can.

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Good Morning. We finally have a little sunshine in my corner of the world today. For a solid week it's been nothing but grey rainy skies. The temperature has been seasonable, but nothing but rainy, cloudy skies. So it was nice to wake up to some filtered sun.

If anyone remembers me, I have posted for the pass number of years about my adventures with panic and anxiety. Along with trying to finish college, working, and making a veiled attempted at living a normal life. And let's not forget my heart attacks over the past two years. Needless to say, it's been a fun few years.

Currently I'm still in Southern Georgia, USA. I have written 4 ebooks on the Kindle format and have 2 books available in paperback on Amazon. All dealing with living and surviving with panic, anxiety, and heart failure. But enough about me, how are you guys and girls doing?

It's funny how people say, "Why survive when you can thrive!" Honestly, I'm grateful just to survive. Now that doesn't mean I don't want things to get better. But do I really need to put all that extra pressure on on already fragile system? My thing is this, do the best you can do. Take whatever steps you have to, to be happy. We put enough pressure on ourselves without taking on someone elses expectations.

Live your life as best you can, be proactive at living well, and don't let someone elses mirror reflect your reality.