This is gonna be a long post as I want to get as much story in as possible! So I haven't logged into this site for a LONG time. I started watching The Anxiety Guy on YouTube and found his videos to be extremely helpful. I started CBT recently too and a few weeks ago I was going out places on my own like doctors waiting rooms etc WITHOUT my safety behaviours like taking my water bottle out everywhere and eating before I went out anywhere. I was doing so well......but the last six days have been a living hell.
It started on Wednesday when I went to the Job Centre on my own. On the way there I had unusually high levels of anxiety and when I sat down in the waiting room I began to have a panic attack. Dizziness, fast heart rate and extreme nausea (I'm emetephobic) and the usual crazy fast thoughts of "I'm in danger" and "I need to leave". Luckily I was seen pretty quickly but the rest of the day was spent feeling a bit sick and I had an ocular migraine but no follow up headache.
Then I woke up on Thursday feeling EXTREMELY sick, weak and with a headache. I was due to go to the sexual health clinic. I was going to back out as I felt far too panicky to go but my friend persuaded me to let her drive me there so I agreed. On the way there I felt so nauseas I started dry heaving into a plastic bag which terrified me as I thought I was going to vomit and pass out (two of my biggest fears) When we arrived I was a mess so she went in to see how busy it was whilst I waited in the car. Turns out the place was having computer problems and the wait would be two hours so we decided to come back home. The rest of the day I felt this weird off balance feeling, like I was going to pass out, felt very tired and later had a horrible headache.
Friday I woke up feeling similar, This unusual but scary unsteadiness in my head, weakness and tiredness with a bit of nausea. I had a doctors appointment to check out my meat and two veg XD as I had a spot down there that I had since last Saturday (turned out to be fine and was nothing sinister and has pretty much healed) But I had been religiously fearing the worst all week. So, in the waiting room I have a panic attack and have to get the receptionist to put me in a separate room but was seen pretty quickly after that. Felt the same symptoms for the rest of the day, the weird head unsteadiness and body weakness. That's when the relentless googling started as I was convinced I had sepsis and was going to die.
Saturday I stayed round my Girlfriends house and the symptoms were nowhere near as bad, the occasional hiccup but she's very supportive and we have the best cuddles so it wasn't too bad. Sunday morning however the symptoms returned with a vengeance and when I got back home the sepsis googling continued.
I'll fast forward to today, I've woken up feeling weak and with that terrifying unsteadiness that I have even now. It's hard to describe, It's like I'm dizzy but nothing feels like its spinning I just get this sensation that I'm really lightheaded and my eyes aren't looking at things properly, It's terrifying me now. I'm still getting nausea and my appetite has been awful for days and I've been getting visual disturbances with awful headaches that last for a few hours. I went to the doctors yesterday and he has booked me for a blood test, I sent off a urine sample and I'm to do a stool sample. He also said that my blood pressure was a tiny bit low.
I'm just terrified and sad as I was doing so well but now I feel like this and I'm confused. I can't stop thinking that this isn't my anxiety at all but that I am in grave danger and something Is badly wrong, Honestly guys I've had severe anxiety for two and a half years now and I have NEVER felt this bad for this amount of time. This lightheadedness just wont go away If anything it's worse today and the fact that these symptoms aren't going away when I distract myself worries me as they normally do. I have a blood test AND my first dental filling on Friday that I am absolutely frightened to death about as I hate needles and procedures for one and I'm terrified about having the worst panic attack mid filling as I won't be able to just get up and leave, what if I faint?!
Thank you so much if you read all of this It means a lot, what do you guys think about this? Anxiety or not?