[b]Hi there,
I'm Jane, i'm new to this forum an would like to introduce myself..So hello!!! [8D]
I also have some concerns about the medication that i am on, and also whether i am ever going to not feel anxiety when i go outside.
A little Background info on me, sorry if this is abit long, i've cut it down alot:
Since the age of 16 i have been avoiding anywhere where i might feel anxiety. I remember looking back that round about this time, i was walking through the town centre and experienced what i would call an extreme level of anxiety ( aka panic attack).
I felt my hand begin sweating and i felt my whole body get hot then cold chills, my breathing was difficult and my chest tightened and my osophagus seemed to get smaller & small, i felt dizzy and my vision blurred. I also felt as though everyone was looking at me and that i was about to trip over or fall to the floor at any given moment.
I looked for the nearest exit and speed walked as fast as i could to the nearest exit. I think back about the surroundings before hand, i felt like i was rushing to get though the town centre as i didn't like people looking at me. I felt paranoid about the way i walked.
I think this may have had something to do with my sister making fun of me when i was younger. I believe this was the first panic attack i had that i can remember, but before this, i was avoiding the town because i didn't want to be looked at. It makes me feel uncomfortable.
I am now 21 and things haven't improved since that day, there have been times when things have not been stressful and i've been doing something enjoyable in my life, where these episodes of panic and agoraphobia don't apply to my life, like when i was working with horses for a month in bedfordshire. It was wonderful for me.
When i was growing up, i witnessed the insides of mental institutions on several occasions, even as a tiny child, as from the age of three my mum was locked up and i was only able to see her at weekends with my dad. I think the trauma of being round a mother who suffers with manic depression was quite disturbing to me looking back. My dad was also an alcoholic, and my sis, bro's and i were neglected, though not abused during childhood.
After leaving school at 16. I did not have a happy time at school, i was bullied and looked ugly, due to my boyish haircut. I was also pushed around. I started working in a sales job part time and studying. College was nice, but i met a friend who would meet me in mornings and walk with me to college which made me feel better, i hated travelling on buses and going outside down the street on my own.
I excelled at sales, and began making good commision, little did i know thae way it was effecting me, degrading me as a person. My view used to be that sales was a buzz, now it's a soul destoying job that i wouldn't recommend to anyone, not even for the 20k salary + bonus that i was recently on.
After my panic attack in the town centre i started to avoid the town all together. I worked in town, and would get taxi's to work and back everyday. So now i had taxi's as a crutch to save me from my panic, and my friend ( who is now my bf ) to support me in my trip to college, and on the way home he would meet me also.
My first job was the only job i have not had a panic attack in, almost every other job, i have, which makes me hate getting jobs, and i have setup my own business, however i really need some money from a job behind me to support myself. My company is an outsourced sales company. i think this is good for me to focus on, although the stress of sales is something that i want to get away from despite my hitting targets and high conversion rates. I have setup my own business Ami Soluions, but I hate the fact that i can't have the confidence to ask business owners for the money though, i keep giving my marketing away for free :( This is not a business. It's more like a hobby at the moment. When it makes money i will call it a busi
Reply With Quote
