Dear Anxiety,
I'm writing this letter to you to thank you for making me stronger. It was impossible to imagine I would write this a year ago, even 6 months ago. But here I am. In the beginning I was scared of you, I was scared to stay alone - me the oh so independent one. I was scared of the thoughts in my head, the frantic beating of my heart, the nausea, dizziness and all the disturbing physical symptoms you handed out to me daily. I was worried because I couldn't sleep, disturbed by my dreams and unable to concentrate on a simple tv show in the beginning. I doubted my strength, my courage, my ability to get better, even myself - all because of you.
But not any more. Through many months of realizing you were only misguidedly trying to protect me (when I didn't need protecting), to realize I was the one calling you up and therefore I was the one who could quit calling you. Through several meds and a couple counselors, with the help of family, friends and forums I received much support. Through changing my negative thought patterns (yes you can) and learning to just observe my intrusive thoughts I began to see a light in the darkness. By repeating phrases such as "I'm strong, capable and I love myself" and "this is temporary, I will get through this, I will get better" until they became part of me, I started to get better. Each morning I got up to go to work, I won. Each time I pushed outside of my comfort zone and stayed in that store or did what I was dreading to do, I won. The first time I drove alone was a victory, the first night I stayed by myself was another, and so on they began to build until I realized you were only a small part of my life now.
When I was able to say I am getting better and changed that to I AM better, I looked back over my journey and smiled. For a long time I was looking for something outside of myself to fix me. Then I realized I had to the power to change things inside myself all along and that I was never broken to begin with.
So thank you anxiety, for reminding me of who I am and showing me how strong I could be. I know I may see you again from time to time, but that's ok, I will just look inside myself to find that place of strength, take a deep breath and keep going.
Jade
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