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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
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    826

    My Scary Sectioning Experience

    Hi guys.

    First of all I would like to say sorry for not posting or replying to alot of your messages in a while.

    As some of you may or may not know, I've had quite a year of anxiety and depression and my recent battle was withdrawing from diazepam.

    Things have changed.

    A few nights ago (I've lost count of time), I was having a bad panic attack and my dad came in but he had noticed that I'd been self harming again. It was only surface cuts but they look worse than they really are. This set him off in a bit of a rage so he started to shout at me and this made my panic attack absolutely terrible.
    I screamed at him to get out and leave me alone but he continued shouting so without thinking I grabbed a pillow a threw it at him. It caused no pain or injury to him but it was the final straw. He called the police and ambulance to take me away.

    Police stormed in my bedroom with tasers in their hand thinking I had a blade and not knowing what mental state I was in. I screamed at this point as I wasn't aware of their arrival. 4 police and 4 paramedic crew! The paramedics checked me over to see if my cuts needed medical attention, they clearly didn't so they wanted nothing more to do with me.
    The police didn't think I was safe so they arrested me initially for breach of the peace. They told me I have to come with them to the police station.

    For anyone who knows my journey over the last 6 months, knows I haven't been able to leave my bed, let alone the house. So to be arrested, put in the back of a police van and taken to a police station was absolute hell.
    And it really was hell. I was in such a panic my legs could no longer hold me. I was stripped of my clothes as they were a suicide risk, put in a terrible padded jacket and shorts that stunk and shoved in a tiny cell..... for 48 hours!!

    I was not allowed my medication for 6 hours. I was put in the cells at 10pm and I didn't see a doctor until 4am. I then wasn't given any diazepam until 6am. I've been trying so hard to come off diazepam but I knew the only thing to get me through such a horrible experience was lots of diazepam so I made sure I was comfortable as possible.

    I am extremely claustrophobic. I don't go in lifts, I hate planes etc. A cell was always my biggest fear. It was horrible in there. I begged the officers for some reading material to keep my mind occupied. They eventually found a Rugby magazine and a Mountain Bike magazine. I hate rugby and I'm not really interesting in mountain biking but I can assure you that I read them cover to cover more than once.
    The police dropped the breach of the peace charge almost instantly and I was put under a section 136. I had to wait to be seen by a psychiatrist. I eventually did see one at around 2pm on my first day, 16 hours in. They told me that a hospital was the best option for me but there are no beds in the country and I would have to wait. I said 'Please don't let me go back in that cell'. She was very apologetic and said that there was nowhere else for me to go for the time being but she would do her best to get me out.

    So I had to wait another night. The second night was horrible. Night time is always bad because I knew that nothing would be done until the morning so I knew that I would be locked up again for another long stint.

    It's uncomfortable to sleep in a cell with the lights on, a horrible blanket and a very thin matt for a bed.

    I was kept long into the next day and night and eventually, late last night, I was finally moved to a local psychiatric hospital where I am now. I had nothing but the clothes I was arrested in for 24 hours, I hadn't washed or brushed my teeth in nearly 3 days at this point.

    I was petrified when I first got here. It's a mixed sex facility with only about 16 patients. There are quite a varied mix of patients although I've spent most time in my room due to agoraphobia and anxiety.

    I'm on a 15 minute watch, which means someone comes and checks on me every 15 minutes, including night time. This means they have to turn the main light on every 15 minutes so last night I got sick of that and just kept the main light on.

    My dad eventually brought me some things this morning as he had too many glasses of wine last night to bother. Most things were taken off me anyway. Not allowed shoes with laces, hoodies with strings, no belt, no mobile phone or laptop charger, no deodorant spray cans, no nail clippers, no plastic bags of any kind.

    I have a fairly nice room, a bit like a very cheap hotel type room with my own bathroom/wetroom type thing, and a few bits of classic NHS furniture. I also have the joys of the lovely thin bedsheets.

    The staff here have all been very lovely, albeit a bit slow (this is Cornwall). I had to teach a nurse how to work out my diazepam doses as they are in liquid form, 2mg per 5ml liquid. Took her 30 minutes to work out how much liquid to draw for a 1.25mg dose! Guess my nursing degree does come in handy.

    I have only seen an oncall doctor as the consultants come round during the week.

    I haven't heard from my mum or my dad since this started. My friends however have been very good indeed. Three of them came to see me today and brought me some more essentials. One of them found a phone charger with a 4inch lead which I'm allowed and another brought me some roll on deodorant.

    They did find it rather funny, as they arrived I was seeing a nurse so they had to wait in the main lounge with some patients. One of the patients tried to sell my friends a pouch of tobacco for £10. My friend pointed out that it says £3.50 on the packet to which the patient replied, this isn't the packet it came in.

    So I'm 24 hours into my first sectioning at a mental health unit. I haven't spent a night in hospital since I was a student nurse, and that was working shifts! Before that it was when I was 5 to have grommets in my ears.

    I have kept myself to myself and stayed in my room most of the time. I ventured out for lunch today but felt anxious so returned to my room. I am very anxious as I type this. Feeling very scared indeed.

    I'd like to thank everyone for the messages in the past few weeks to check if I'm OK. I have not really been on this site as I have just felt like a period of no contact off anyone.

    I will try to update as and when I can. At present I am using my mobile phone as a WIFI hotspot and my laptop is picking that up fairly well.

    Just waiting for my dose of diazepam and then I can try and get some sleep.

    All the best to everyone

    Steven x
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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
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    2,026

    Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience

    How dreadful - well done for remaining coherent enough to tell us about it. xx
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  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
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    Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience

    So sorry to hear your awful ordeal Stephen.

    I hope that you find some solace while you are in hospital and it is not too much for you. See it as a time to reflect and hopefully start on the road to recovery.

    I have always thought that when we are in such inner turmoil, we eventually implode or explode...that was your time and now is time for you to find your way back from this.

    Thinking of you and hope you get the treatment, rest and time to get yourself back together for your road to recovery.

    Kitti xx
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  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
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    1,083

    Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience

    Steven,

    First of all I am so so very sorry things have got this bad for you. I am so shocked to read it! I've gone all goosey thinking about your ordeal really feel for you.

    Bit shocked at your dad, I. Know he's elderly so he he was probably scared. It must of been horrendous for you hun and I can't tell you how I feel for you.

    I'm glad your friends have been to see you today,and you coped with it.it must of been good to see a familiar faces.

    Please take care of yourself and I really really hope when the consultant comes to see you it's the turning point for you.

    Let's know how you are,when your up to it luv. So upset to hear this news xx

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
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    4,375

    Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience

    Steven,

    Thinking of you matey - I was starting to get a bit worried. You're coping really well with a terrible situation, far better than I would, and at least you'll get some proper treatment now. Any idea when you'll be allowed home?

    Don't forget you've got friends here who are looking out for you

    Keep on touch

    Pip x
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  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
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    Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience

    So sorry to hear about your ordeal, the police bit sounds horrid. Hopefully your stay in hospital will get you the help you need. Keep strong and we're all here for you. X
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  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
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    12,410

    Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience

    Aww Steven what and awful ordeal for you to go through. I hope that you will be able to get the help that you need in the hospital. I am pleased that your friends are visiting and supporting you and of course we are always here for you on NMP.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
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    4,281

    Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience

    Oh Steve, i was getting worried about you as you hadn't posted, how disgusting the way you were treated to start with but hopefully now you will get the help you need and deserve, remember we're all here for you, sending you lots of love and hugs, keep posting when you can to let us know how you are, you have many friends who care about you on here, stay strong hun x x
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  9. #9
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    Jul 2008
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    Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience

    I cut a little bit as a teen, never went deep though but I get what you mean about how it looks far worse than what it is.

    Ugh I've been shouted at while having a panic attack, like you did I reacted in a defensive way, not trying to harm anyone just being threatening out of "fear" in the hopes they'd leave me alone.
    It's a perfectly natural reaction.

    Calling the police on you over a pillow? Wow your dad seems like he has some issues.
    He was 100% the aggressor in that situation.

    Oh no that must have been terrifying for you, having a panic and dealing with and police :(

    What you were arrested for throwing a pillow ? Having a panic attack?

    If they took you to a mental hospital that I could understand as it'd be to help you and that but to lock you up in a prison cell is barbaric!

    I would have lost my mind if I'd been locked up in a cell . I couldn't imagine how it must have been for you.

    Wow I would file a complaint.
    Locking an anxious fearful person up in a tiny cell when they also have a phobia of small spaces is torture!

    It's also stressful so medically speaking that was not good either for your body.

    What they can't lock up people who need mental health care in a prison because they don't have beds.

    Your story is like something you'd read in the news paper ! Shocking :(

    Is your dad an alcoholic? Is he abusive?
    I don't know, If my family called the police for throwing a pillow and put me through that I'd never feel comfortable around them again.
    If he'd called you an ambulance for the self harm well that would have been more well intentioned.
    Just seems pretty cruel of him to have you arrested :(

    Yeah in those mental health hospitals you're lucky to see a doctor at all from what I've heard.
    Usually it's the nurses that do all the work .

    I'm glad you have some friends x

    I hope you get some therapy or something in there .

    ---------- Post added at 03:17 ---------- Previous post was at 03:16 ----------

    You did really well though. You coped and you got through it.
    Even though it was scary and I'm sure you're still very anxious, you're getting through it the best you can.
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  10. #10
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
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    951

    Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience

    I'm so sorry to hear what you have gone through. I can't imagine the terror you must have gone through after getting arrested. Locked in a cell for all that time, it's brought tears to my eyes reading what you have gone through.

    I sincerely hope you get the appropriate help and I wish you a speedy recovery xx

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