Hi! I hope it's okay to be from the US and sign up here, but I have not come across a more supportive-looking forum such as this one.
My name is Whitney and I'm 26. I had my first panic attack when I was 11 (just walking into elementary school - still unsure of why it ever happened to begin with) and my battle with anxiety and panic reached a high point when I was a teenager. It absolutely crippled me to the point where I was a prisoner in my own home and bed. This went on for years. No one really knew what was going on with me (I wouldn't find out until later) but, somehow, one day it just got "better" and I was able to start functioning again. I went to college, graduated, and got my first full-time job which I love. I have had occasional attacks since then, maybe 3-6 every year, but they have always come, did their worst, left me exhausted, and the next day I would be myself again. Nothing long-lasting.
That changed suddenly in February and I am at a loss. I had an intense bout of depersonalization (my biggest fear and trigger) while driving on lunch break. I had a panic attack, but it didn't pass like normal. Since that day I have been living in a state of anxiety I cannot break out of and I don't know why. On a daily basis I am struggling with depersonalization, numbness, dizziness, feeling like the floor is falling out from me, "jolts," shakes, heart racing or skipping beats, sweats, and an intense fear that I am either going to pass out and/or die. I can barely get my brain distracted. I am to the point where I am scared to even go to work, much less anywhere else. I used to be super independent, always running around and having the time of my life. I worked out at the gym 5x a week after work and went running errands after, sometimes late into the evening, then came home and enjoyed time with my family, pets (who are my family too!) and my hobbies.
Unlike when I was a teenager and didn't know what was going on, I do know now and sought out my doctor for treatment. She initially prescribed me 7.5mg of Buspar twice a day and then upped it to four times a day for a total of 30mg, but I reacted badly to it with terrible night tremors with suicidal thoughts. She has now put me on 10mg of Citalopram once a day with .5mg Klonopin as needed while I prayerfully adjust to the Citalopram. I know it might get worse before it gets better, and I am trying to be patient, but I am feeling absolutely hopeless. I am also in therapy now, I had my first session that was basically just for initial info-gathering and I see her again on Tuesday.
I have had several tests done, including bloodwork and an EKG that happened during an ER visit when I could not feel my body and felt very faint. Everything has been fine, though I am still scared I'm dying whenever I get these symptoms.
I just feel like I am in a very dark place. I want my life back, I want to be myself again. I want to enjoy everything and my hobbies again. I have no idea why my anxiety and panic came raging back out of no where on such an ordinary day. I am scared of going to work, going to the store, driving at all, when it was never a second thought to me. My best friend lives in a different part of the country and I fly to see her twice a year. Now I am terrified I won't be in any shape to (my plane is booked for next month - I was so excited for this trip that I was packing all the way back in early February, now I am just petrified).
It helps to know I am not alone, though I would not wish this on anyone. Thank you and I hope again, it is all right for me to be here even though I'm from the States.
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I am spending a lot of time on the articles right now - I find the more I can educate myself, the more prepared I can be to face this war. I am grateful for the opportunity to be here. Thank you very much.
Originally Posted by venusbluejeans
