Re: me and my Nightmare.
One thing I find on here is that so many of you have terrible stories to share that I feel a bit of a fake even though i get immobilised on my one way very often. I think that's why I try and help in my posts.... anyway.
I want to repeat what you wrote clearly so that we can support you, so you had the following happen in roughly this order:
domestic violence for two years
end of relationship (even though it was bad)
pregnancy - birth - baby died
granddad dies
agoraphobia starts
house repossessed & lose even treasured possessions.
I've not written that to be harsh - just to make sure I understood. Thats a really nasty list and I feel especially sad for you and your baby.
I know the order might be a bit wrong but that's a lot for anyone to cope with. As others said, your brain/emotions just said "enough" and thats where the agoraphobia kicks in. From my own depressive period when I sought "safety" I'd suggest you started out wanting to feel safer, and for safety you sought home - perhaps even bed. This and the events might mean that there is a strong element of depression in what you are suffering. Or it could be anxiety as the starting point because you lost a lot of people from your life and no-one would want to lose more.
You will find conflicting opinions on meds. I found mine have blasted the depression BUT leave me to tackle the GAD/phobias, which isn't easy. Many people say that antidepressants made them feel quite a lot worse BEFORE they began to work. I found I was so low and immobile when I started mine that I have trouble recalling the few symptoms that were worse. If you tell us what you were prescribed then we can advise you from our experiences. There are also specific forums here about the common medications. It may help you to browse or search threads to do with what you were given.
Overall I'd say that if you are extremely inhibited by your condition (as I was) then it may well be worth trying the meds. Most of them take a while to work though and upset your system while getting there. As I say talk to us on here - read as much as you can - and share about your experiences, feelings and medication. Then we can help you as well as we sympathise.
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Kevin, Southend-on-Sea, Essex, UK
Probably GAD & Phobias. Anxiety and renewed Depression medicated (Venlafaxine). Trying to improve.