Severe GAD/ocd thoughts ISOLATION - HELP

[Peters friend]

Hi. I am a friend of someone who has GAD and panic attacks along with developed symptoms of OCD thoughts/racing thoughts/depersonalisation/DR/ night and waking terrors and a continuing cycle of anxiety and panic. My 30yr old friend up until recently, also developed severe agrophobia and dependancy issues. He has been more open to his diagnosis recently, however the thought of him having another disorder still worry him and exacerbate his symptoms. His panic and anxiety are controlled and reduced alot with 2 larazapam daily and he takes 45mg mitazapine AD at night.

Due to the depersonalisation, he displays many emotions (sadness and hatred/anger) but does not feel love or many good feelings for people. I have worked alongside him 24/7 for the past 4-5 months to help him basically live as he was just a very lost soul with severe agrophobia and dependency also to help him to recognise how his strong reactions to his experiences of ocd and depersonalisation reinforce the symptoms. We have become very close, however, he has strong sexual/violent thoughts about me that are very severe and due to his new found independence can and is avoiding me more and more each day. In addition he avoids his father whom he lives with as his ocd type thoughts are of violence toward him and he is obviously afraid that he will act on these compulsive type thoughts to us. He has suffered for ten years with depression and anxiety and this developed into GAD with additional symptoms severely over the past two years preventing him from working as a solicitor and becoming severely housebound.

Now I am all for him, having time out alone and getting himself together in his way, but am really worried that he is isolating himself to his detriment as he is so self absorbed and of course i am also very hurt that he has just dropped the very people who want to walk alongside him and assist him in regaining his life. He is hoping that by staying away from us he will be able to recover feelings and rid the ocd thoughts he has for us which bother him and believes hinder his recovery. My thoughts are that avoiding us, is not working with his symptoms but against them, giving them more right to persist.

I have read and learned alot on these forums but having not been there myself - I hope that some one can give me advice on how to help or not help my friend come to terms with his obsessive racing thoughts and lack of emotions? As i believe that this way he will be able to reduce these symptoms that plague and rob his personality and life.

[maddie]

Hello. This must be very hard for you.

You say your friend is on meds, but does he see a psychiatrist or therapist? I think you shoud ask for him to see a psychiatrist as soon as possible, especially as he is now having thoughts of violence towards those close to him.

Please take care of yourself.

[Peters friend]

From what i have read up on GAD and OCD thoughts - these are not uncommon thoughts?????? He is a gentle caring guy who hates these violent confusing thoughts and does everything possible to not have them. He was seeing a psychiatrist but they are useless with GAD. I am a mental health worker and studying as a therapist. He has never acted ever on any of his thoughts in almost a year now - Is it likely he ever will Maddie?

[pooh]

I Agree Avoidance isnt the answer! However, sometimes those of us closest to the person are not always the best of people to help. It can become very hard to disengage emotionally. It can be very hard to accept that you are just not the person to help someone you care tremendously about. And therein can lie the long haul. Finding the right counsellor, psychologist, CPN or psychiatrist that you can develop a professional working relationship with, most likely with a combination of meds. As someone who has tried various routes with no great success, I know this road well. But I keep trying.
I consider that I am very lucky to still be working and out and about. And with all these situations come unwanted thoughts, sometimes violent. Yes they are common and not just amongst panic and anxiety sufferes. Its the fear that makes those thoughts different for us. Fear gives those thoughts power...the power to terrifiy ourselves, but, in my experince, not to act them out.
I acknowledge the extent of your hurt at being pushed away. It is always a horrible position to be in. You mention your friend has become more open to his diagnosis. That's a good start, as small as it may seem. I believe it is a sign of perspective to some degree returning.
I have also found during my worst periods, that my self absorption just doesnt allow me to hear and listen to those around me. I am fully immersed in my emotional state at the time, and that sensible and logical voice that exists inside my head is quietened.
I was once asked a question... 'Have you hit rock bottom yet or do you have further to fall?' Sometimes it is the case, we do have further to fall before we are at a point where we have had enough and want to change.

I do not pretend to know what the answers are for your friend. we are all different in our experience and recovery. I do believe however, that somewhere inside he has to find a resilience of his own. He has to find his own motivation.

I wish your friend well on his journey, and for you the sincerest of wishes for being a loyal, faithful and caring friend.

Pooh

[red100]

From my experience of anxiety i would say that violent thoughts are not something you would act on but expressiions of what you most fear doing, and lots of people fear hurting their family in some way, anxiety turns this into its most extreme version and the thoughts and seem images are very real.

In my case i got a kitten whilst severely depressed / anxious and I was afraid thar i would step on her and hurt her as she would walk up and sit behind me when i was in the kitchen, because cats move so silently i wouldn't know she was there and almost stepped on her a couple of times - this is what i call a reasonable fear, however the anxiety exaggerated it out of all proportion as i would see myself violently stomping on her. I know i would never do this it's what i'm scared of doing accidentally. It sounds to me like your friend is going through a version of this and that perhaps explaining it to him this way might help him to cope with it a bit better - it happens not because he is a violent evil person but a loving one scared of hurting those close to him.

hope that makes sense and good luck

Red