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Thread: Missing my Dad

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    , , United Kingdom.
    Posts
    132

    Missing my Dad

    Hi

    A member's post prompted so much feeling about her mother-in-law's death.

    I lost my dad nine months ago and I worshipped him. He was caring, supportive and knew what to say at bad times. I was with him when he died and they turned off the life support. I went in daily to feed him and care for him.

    Our young son (who is ten) calls his dad stupid, idiot etc and I said bluntly you only get one dad. He then said a couple of his friends had three different dads!

    To me personally, they broke the mould when they made my hubby. We have been together 21 yrs and married for 20.

    After the funeral he asked when my mum (who I do not like at best, beat me/emotionally abused me when young) was going to get another husband! Oh to be ten years old again with no deep worries and the world is just full of fun.

    I loved my Dad so much. I was adopted, he protected me and I feel empty without his presence. I have two sisters (who are blood related (not to me obviously)) and they look and relate to things that I do not know nor understand. My "biological parents were Irish" and personally I hate my biological mother for giving me away. I see the positive ie if my "adoptive parents" had not chosen me then my life would be far different than it is right now.

    My sister ran away at 15 because she thought she would be next for a beating but I did not understand that at 10 (why would I??).

    If I were to win the lottery, I would give it to "whoever" to have my dad back. He knew me far better than anyone else. Some bad times of the day I feel like joining him, it would be a relief. However, my hubby and kids need me. If they were not here I would be with my dad - without a doubt.

    Anyway, I think I am talking c*** but I need to vent to other NMP members how I feel.

    I feel really sad, hopeless, useless etc and want the antidepressants to "kick in". Continual PA's to stop and then perhaps I will stop feeling unreal/trembling etc.

    If others read my post then hugs are OK, words are better. Perhaps today is a real "down" day. I just do not know.

    Anyway -

    Take care of yourself and each other.

    Fran XXX

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    , , United Kingdom.
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    1,327
    hi fran

    im so sorry you are feeling this way .

    i lost my grandad a year ago tomorrow and my nana on christmass eve they were my parents since i was six weeks old and i loved them so much they were there for me when my little girl died .
    i know the feeling of loss you are going through and how much you miss your dad i miss the people i have lost and just wish i could see them agane i long to hear the words my nana would say to me when i am feeling down and the way my grandad was so strong and not a care in the world .
    i hope you can find a way of copeing with everthing
    take care
    jodie x

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    , , United Kingdom.
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    818
    Hi Fran, sorry you are feeling so sad and down at the moment but give yourself time sweet, it has still only been 9 months since your dad passed away, even though you will always miss him dearly, time is a great healer and you will feel better.

    Take care,

    Polly x

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    , , United Kingdom.
    Posts
    817
    Hi Fran,

    just wanted to say I'm thinking of you. Pollys right...it is still really early days after your dads death and your feelings will still be very raw. I can understand how sometimes you want to be with him, but your famiy need you and your own children will really help you to get through this time (they have a way of making you smile at even the saddest of times dont they?)

    Be kind to yourself Fran

    Take care

    Coni X

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    , , United Kingdom.
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    152
    Hi Fran, I don't know what I can say that will help, but I am thinking of you hun xxxxxxxxx

    'Never be afraid to try- remember, amateurs buit the Ark...professionals built the Titanic'

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    , , United Kingdom.
    Posts
    523
    Hi Fran, my best mate died 2 weeks ago. I have never felt so much grief & hurt in all my life. I miss him so much, still talk to him as if he's here & feel like no-one else understands me. No-one else seemed to take it as hard as I did, not even his kids who only lost their mum 8 weeks ago. How tragic is that. Mum was killed by a drink driver when she was repping in Spain and Dad died from complications after an operation that could have been avoided. They were 45 & 46. I'm on anti-deps & have been taking them for about 3 months now, but nothing prepares you for grief. I feel like I'm back to square one again. Someone suggested bereavement counselling. I don't know whether to give it a go or not. I've had counselling in the past & felt I benefited from it so I'm thinking about it.

    Don't feel like nobody needs you, you've got hubby & son who need you more than anyone.

    Take care.

    Les, xx

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    , , Ireland.
    Posts
    3,541
    Hi Fran,

    My thoughts are with you as I also lost my dad.

    Thinking of you

    Take Care

    Mandy

    xx

  8. #8
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    , , United Kingdom.
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    Hi Fran (((((((HUGS))))))) I lost my parents 20 years ago and i still miss them like you i was adopted so i do understand where you are coming from. Cant say anything to help really but time is a great healer and eventually you will remember the good times with your dad and the bad memories of his death etc will fade. Thinking of you, take care luv kaz x

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    , , USA.
    Posts
    56
    Hi,

    Sorry about your loss. My dad died years ago, and I still have my mother. Most of the memories of my dad were not happy ones, but he was still my dad and I loved him just the same. My mom was rarely there for me, but I still visit her and try to help her. You do only get one of each. You were blessed to have such a wonderful father figure in your life. How beautiful to have so many good memories about him. You are right, your family needs you,especially your children. I am pretty sure your father would want you to be there for them just as he was there for you. Share your wonderful memories of him with them.

    Take care and God bless you and your family,

    Mia

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    , , United Kingdom.
    Posts
    125
    I lost my mum 4 years ago on 16th Aug, i still miss her soooooo much and prob will for always but time is a great healer and it does get easier.

    I know how you feel.

    take care

    Liz

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