I feel bad cuz I only ever post here when I'm having bad health anxiety. I also know lymph nodes are a common topic around here so sorry to add yet another of these types of threads but I feel like I need to talk about it, and this is at least a better way to "cope" with my anxiety for now than turning to Google.
Anyway, about two years ago in 2016, I had a bad reaction to some cold medicine containing alcohol. It burned and hurt to drink, even caused me to vomit at one point. I did a dumb thing by Googling my symptoms and turned up with all this stuff about lymphoma being the ONLY thing to cause such issues with ingesting such a small amount of alcohol. I was convinced it was the alcohol in the medicine causing the issues since I don't really drink alcohol normally at all and nonalcoholic cold medicines don't give me those issues.
So I became very convinced and terrified I had lymphoma to the point I freaked out one night and had my dad drive me to an urgent care clinic. The lady who saw me there (she may have been a doctor or a ARNP, not sure) calmed me down by saying it was extremely unlikely I had anything like that, that I'm probably just one of those people who can't tolerate alcohol or that particular medicine, and that she'd run a blood test to ease my mind. Although it wasn't a CBC, she said my blood results came back all normal and I was told to go home and rest at ease. Although I felt a little dismissed, I wanted to believe her, so I tried to get over it.
However, I just couldn't fully let go of my anxiety and spent almost all of 2016 being obsessively worried about lymphoma on and off. It didn't help that the first half of that year was full of anxiety-inducing events. I developed a habit of prodding at my lymph nodes to make sure everything was "in check" and I also went through a period of worrying that my spleen was enlarged.
Around summer of that year - about a year and a half ago - I think is when I first noticed a lump on the back of my neck/head, to the right, and around my hairline. This was when I started becoming obsessed with checking my lymph nodes. It may have been there long before I even felt it, I may have even noticed before, but this was the first time I can recall not just noticing it but also giving it a second thought because I now had this fear of lymphoma on my mind.
After prodding at the thing for a few days and worrying myself over it, I concluded that it was either a "shoddy lymph node" or possibly a lipoma (I have one on my abdomen). It feels hard and it isn't very moveable, but I noticed if I pinched and grabbed onto it, I could pull it upwards and was then able to move it around. I'm not sure if that counts as a "moveable" lump if it first has to be pinched upwards and away from the area, but it figured it did. I also heard the area its located isnt common for lymphoma to present itself. So I concluded to stop worrying over it at least for the time being. I was visiting my boyfriend out of town at the time anyway, so I didn't feel like I could do much about it.
During the later parts of 2016, after I got home, I got an actual physical exam including a CBC and my doctor even palpated my spleen. This ended up putting my fear at rest for a while since everything came back normal. I didn't mention what I felt on the back of my neck since it had somehow stopped bothering me by now and hadn't changed any, but was still there.
During 2017, I rarely felt any anxiety about lymphoma, though every now and then I'd briefly be reminded but learned to dismiss these thoughts by reminding myself that my exams and blood tests have been fine and that I'd already concluded the thing on my neck was nothing to worry about it.
Skip way forward to this week. It's been about a year or longer since I've had any very bad anxiety over lymphoma. It's been two years since it all started. It's been a year and a half since I first noticed that lump on my neck.
I'm currently at my boyfriend's house for a visit and will be here almost all month. I guess I should mention that being away from home and out of my element or comfort zone tends to increase my anxiety and I had dealt with quite a bit of anxiety leading up to this visit. We're long distance so that's just kinda how it is right now but I miss my bedroom an awful lot and his house gives me some discomfort.
Anyway, we were in the kitchen the other night and I went to scratch my neck cuz it was itchy, and I ended up brushing my hand against the lump. As far as I can tell, nothing about it has changed in shape or size... however for some reason, feeling it there suddenly has renewed my anxiety about having lymphoma.
I don't even know why.. I'm trying to look at this rationally. I already knew this was there and already reasoned with myself that its harmless but suddenly I am beside myself with anxiety over this. Nothing about it has even changed in the year and a half since I first noticed it and it was likely there even before that.
Like.. I know I should've had this checked during 2016 but it really wasn't bothering me by the time I got around to seeing my doctor. And getting that clear CBC sorta caused me to stop worrying about any of this til just now. I mean, surely if it was anything dangerous, it would've grown much larger within a year and half (or longer)?
I've also had my yearly physical and CBC for 2017 back in October and everything was once again normal (other than my potassium levels being a little low but she said that was probably due to me recently recovering from a cold before getting my blood drawn). I do have another appointment scheduled for when I get home since I need to get my yearly "girl exam" so I guess I could bring up my lymph node then? But that's still weeks away and I'm trying to enjoy being with my boyfriend. It's hard when I'm feeling this way and I also don't wanna worry him by bringing it up.
Anyway, any thoughts on what I can tell myself for now to try to calm down? I'm 26, female, don't smoke or drink, I only weight about 108-110lbs at 5'5" so I'm quite thin and fairly young/healthy and was thinking maybe me being smaller justmakes it easier to feel something like a shoddy lymph node/lipoma on my neck.
Again, if I had to describe what I'm feeling, its a hard lump on the back of my neck/head, off to the right side a bit and around my hair line. It's not big but it's no pea sized lump either. I guess its about a centimeter, maybe a little more or less? It's kinda egg or oval shaped so its more long than wide. And yea, its kinda moveable but only if I pinch and pull upwards on the entire lump, I'm able to pull it away from the surrounding area and and then move it around if that makes sense. Without doing that, it doesn't move much though... that and between it being more "hard" feeling worries me a lot.
Also, it isn't super easy to feel if my neck is straight; its easier to feel if I tilt my head forward. But it doesn't exactly require a ton of prodding or poking around to feel either (afterall, I just accidentally felt it while scratching my neck the other day). As far as I can tell, it hasn't changed in the year and a half since I first felt it but the more I poke at it now, the more I'm wondering if maybe it has slightly? :( I just don't know.. I'm scared and upset.
One more thing I wanna mention is that as a young teenager, I recall getting swollen lymph nodes several times due to infections (from dental infections or simple colds, etc). I know what a swollen node due to infection feels like and this isn't it. It's just a permanently hard lymph node or something... but I'm wondering/hoping if its a shoddy lymph node left from one of those infections I'd get as a teenager.
Anyway sorry this is extremely long. I know no one can diagnose me but I just needed to get this off my chest. If you took time to read this, thank you. I'll try to find enough courage to mention it to my doctor next time I'm in but again, that's weeks from now so if you have any comforting words to offer me that'd be nice...
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