So so SO fed up....

[Doll84]

A little background. I have suffered from anxiety since I was a child due to a pretty crappy childhood. In my early twenties it got much worse and manifested into OCD. I went through a really rough period with it but got some much needed help and relief with a really good CBT therapist. I have also been in talking therapies for a lot of my adult life. I got married and had 2 children and after my second child was born I got post natal depression. Again I sought therapy and this resolved itself after a while.
Sadly my 3rd child was stillborn last year at full term due to a cord accident. It completely devastated me and I was in shock for a very long time. About 3 months after he died I began to experience severe anxiety about something happening to my other 2 children or my husband. Then I began experiencing twitching in the arches of my feet and convinced myself I was dying and it was the onset of ALS. I went to my GP and she told me the twitching was anxiety related and given the trauma of the loss of my son diagnosed me with PTSD. The twitching continued for 3/4 months on and off and nearly drove me crazy.
I have recently had my rainbow baby and while that has been immensely healing, I now have full blown health anxiety. In the last 3 months I have been scared I have cervical cancer. The twitching is now back. I feel them all over but recently it is concentrated on my face. Twitching eyelid, chin, under eye etc. I have also been having a sore jaw. Yesterday I found a lump on my gum and my mind straight away is convinced I have oral cancer. I’ve booked an appointment to see my dentist tomorrow.

I am so SICK of it all... the constant worry and the constant catastrophising. I feel like I can’t live my life like this and I would just rather die. Was I just put on this Earth to suffer?! I play over in my mind what would happen to my children if I die suddenly and I can’t just enjoy being their mother at all. Some days I drive along thinking I could just crash my car and finish it and it would all be over. I just want some lasting relief from all the worry. I’m sick of therapy as well and talking the death out of things.
I wonder is it worth going back to CBT? In your experience has it been helpful??

Many Thanks for reading his far!

Xx

[Londonlady]

So so sorry for the loss of your baby I can only imagine how that was for you and your family. I’m pregnant with my second and feel my HA is much worse than it was, I’m going through such bad patch and really sympathise with you, I would go to the GP and tell them how bad it’s getting so they can offer you all the options.

X

[Josh1234]

I would try an SSRI.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I'm really sorry to hear you lost your baby

That's an incredibly traumatic event to experience. Do you feel you need help working through the grief? Do you need help between you and your partner? If so, perhaps therapy/counselling would be useful?

PTSD can be addressed with other forms of therapy. And there is specific Trauma Focused CBT too.

So, there may be more appropriate forms of therapy that will help you process all this.

[Doll84]

I would try an SSRI.

Thanks for the feedback. My doctor put me on lexapro last year, but it really didn’t make much difference to my state of mind. I just don’t think they are for me. I have always had a thing about putting stuff into my body, even certain foods so I would rather not go down a medication route again.

---------- Post added at 08:04 ---------- Previous post was at 07:58 ----------

I'm really sorry to hear you lost your baby

That's an incredibly traumatic event to experience. Do you feel you need help working through the grief? Do you need help between you and your partner? If so, perhaps therapy/counselling would be useful?

PTSD can be addressed with other forms of therapy. And there is specific Trauma Focused CBT too.

So, there may be more appropriate forms of therapy that will help you process all this.

Thanks for your input. I do feel like I have worked through a lot of the grief with my therapist and I know I need to give it time as well. It’s not something I can get over, but something I can learn to live with. However, I do still feel the PTSD is lingering around. I have the grief, PTSD and now health anxiety all going on together. I don’t donthings by half’s .
I am going to look into CBT again.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Having help, whichever form seems very useful to you right now. If your HA spiked from this trauma, which is very understandable, then if you feel it's more about getting the HA back on track as opposed to an underlying factor like grief keeping it sky high, then getting your thoughts/behaviours back under control might be what you need more. Maybe CBT that takes on the PTSD elements will do what you need so it's worth having a chat with a therapist about that.

I expect this is something that never leaves you like you say, you learn to accept it and try not to let it get in the way of your relationship and future choices. It's never happened to me as a man but I've known women who have had this experience. It's individual, you get through it when you are ready.