Relationship Anxiety

[sprouts1]

Ok. I'm gonna make this short and sweet.

I have GAD with Obsessive tendencies. This is my first serious long-term relationship as an adult, where I have actually made myself vulnerable. I am perfectionistic and analytical by nature, which causes anxiety. I have difficulty accepting what I cannot control and not knowing the outcome. So, of course that is a relationship in a nutshell.

I obsess, ruminate, research, analyze, catastrophize and constantly worry "what ifs" about the future of my relationship, if i love my boyfriend enough, if we will get divorced, if i'm just fooling myself, etc. My obsession started innocently as just trying to make sure everything is perfect because I had just fallen in love. But it spiraled, so a year into our relationship my severe hypochondria disappeared and turned into this mess.

He's great. I love him. We are best friends. We live together. He's the first person I go to for good and bad news. When I'm sad, all I want to do is hug him as tight as I can. Even when I'm sad because of my shitty thoughts. The clouds will separate for a few days and I feel so happy and everything is amazing, and then ill trigger myself and get disconnected because i'm too hyper-sensitive from my anxiety. He's a lil more moody than average, but my brain takes it as an insult because im always on-edge. My anxiety has taken a huge toll on my relationship and made me slightly depressed because I am so anxious all the time and create these dynamics that don't even exist because I think myself into oblivion most days. I worry about other things too, but they are fleeting compared to this.

I just started 5mg Lexapro yesterday. No side effects (or maybe perhaps increased anxiety, lol), just a little tired after taking it. But I CANNOT stop obsessing about if I suddenly realize that none of it was anxiety, that the whole time our relationship was horrible, and that I don't like my boyfriend and that i'll break up with him. That I was just so scared of being alone i convinced myself it was just anxiety. (Im not scared of being alone tho, btw.) Or i'll get better but it will be too late because I already did so much damage. Especially because these days he has been on my nerves since I have been really feeling depressed from all of my anxiety.
And all of these stories of people being emotionally blunted and divorcing their spouses?? I am absolutely horrified. I stared at the pill for a solid ten minutes just to get the courage to take it because I was worried about side effects. And now this!
Ahh!!

I understand, the decision I make will be of sound mind, and that I have nothing to lose. I want to stop living in this dark, fearful cellar. But I'm still just so terrified of my love fading, or losing my best friend.

So much for that being short lol

[.Poppy.]

There are all kinds of scary stories out there. We HA people know that all too well!

You'd know if you didn't like your boyfriend - anxiety doesn't mask that. It doesn't sound like you dislike your boyfriend at all, it actually sounds like you are very close.

I can tell you that I took Lexapro and then moved to Prozac (because my psych thought it better fit my symptoms, NOT because of any ill side effects) and it was fine. I felt better. I still do. Nothing bad happened outside of those first few weeks of extra anxiety and generally feeling a bit crummy.

[sprouts1]

There are all kinds of scary stories out there. We HA people know that all too well!

You'd know if you didn't like your boyfriend - anxiety doesn't mask that. It doesn't sound like you dislike your boyfriend at all, it actually sounds like you are very close.

I can tell you that I took Lexapro and then moved to Prozac (because my psych thought it better fit my symptoms, NOT because of any ill side effects) and it was fine. I felt better. I still do. Nothing bad happened outside of those first few weeks of extra anxiety and generally feeling a bit crummy.

Thanks so much for your reply! If you mean HA = Health anxiety, Oh yes, those scary stories are horrendous. Especially if you're an obsessive Googler, like me. Speaking of which, I have just made my anxiety worse by article searching on here.

Glad that it's working for you! I have high hopes and i'm excited to break the cycle so I can finally use CBT and mindfulness effectively. Oh, and also enjoy my relationship and life again.

[sprouts1]

I am wondering if anyone else has struggled with relationship anxiety?
I have been diagnosed with GAD for years and originally it was an insanely bad health anxiety because I was so hyper-aware of my body. I would go to the ER all the time when I was a teenager having immense panic attacks. After about a year of it I realized it stemmed from my fear of getting SICK, and uncertainty of not knowing what will happen to me.

So a year after I started dating my wonderful, fantastic boyfriend, It turned into this relationship-fueled anxiety. I have NO health anxiety anymore. Except maybe the occasional 5-min freak-out when I think I drank something with bleach on it by accident, lol. It is my first serious long-term relationship, as in, like I never wanted to get married or have kids but now i'm with him I DO and it was weird. I had never been vulnerable, or actually have to trust someone, or compromise for someone. I'm analytical and perfectionistic by nature and it started as a simple analyzing of things to make sure I do everything right so it works out etc. Googling things.

Then it spiraled into constant what-ifs, over-analyzing conversations, feeling-checking, intrusive thoughts, constant researching about things for reassurance. And I went into a full-blown anxiety relapse and a depressive episode (I don't have depression, but when my anxiety is really bad I get depressed) for about a week.

Ever since then it hasn't gone away. I have a constant low-level of anxiety, especially at work because I feel i don't have anywhere to escape to if I get really anxious. I'm 90% better when I'm with my boyfriend, but since its going on a year of this, I have been pretty depressed and irritated and I think it is distorting my perception of him, so he has been annoying me which is making me more anxious thinking that I don't like him anymore. My thoughts make me think my relationship is horrible and i need to leave, but there is no actual evidence of such, I just feel so emotionally hijacked and it feels real. For a while I avoided movies, and music that involved relationships, because I would compare it to my own and whether it was a positive or negative thing, I would analyze it to death and make it mean that my relationship is terrible. Most of my thoughts are generally not about HIM, but about ME. "What if I don't love him enough?" "What if I'm actually just afraid of being alone, and i'm convincing myself it's anxiety?" "What if I impulsively break up with him?" "What if we get divorced?" "What if you don't like his hair in 10 years?" "What if he thinks your not committed?". Creating these dynamics that don't exist by picking away at 20 different conversations or situations, or due to my common problem of interpreting things completely wrong, because i'm on edge. Constant google searching, looking for an answer so I know that yes, i do love my boyfriend, its just me. Looking for an answer to my thoughts because uncertainty is what fuels my anxiety. Sometimes it gets out of control and it runs to "Break up with him, its inevitable." etc. It causes IMMENSE guilt on my end, and I'm now so terrified that because I feel so guilty and have been struggling so long, that I could have saved it but I ruined it and its too late.

Its depressing because I've wasted half of my relationship not being present. I love my boyfriend so much, he is my absolute best friend and I don't want to lose him. We are such a good pair and have so much fun. I am closer to him than I have ever been to anyone, even my own parents. Our favorite time is laying on opposite ends of the couch watching netflix with each others feet in the others face lol. I give him feetie massages :^). I tell him as much as I can without hurting his feelings. He is very well informed and is always supportive of me. I try not to talk to others as they always say doubt=don't. But they don't have a mental problem where you doubt about your life in general.

I went to therapy 6 months ago and got my ativan script back, therapist was not the one for me, and the ativan is great for panic attacks, but I don't get panic attacks anymore because I've trained myself. I just get more of an anxiety attack, where its all mental and not physical. I am searching for a new therapist and just starting Lexapro which my whole family had told me to start months ago but I was reluctant. I'm excited to feel better, and now i'm terrified the Lexapro will make me realize I hate my boyfriend or something. The I'm only on day two, but it makes me sleep really well and I jump out of bed in the morning. I havent done that since um...BEFORE ANXIETY??

I realize its so irrational, but the emotional side of me can't comprehend it. I'm so tired of this constant thought cycle.

Quite a rant, my bad. Thanks for reading.

[nomorepanic]

Hi

This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your thread was merged with another of your threads.

Please when posting on similar topics add it onto your previous post rather than starting a new one.

It is nothing personal it is just to make it easier for people to follow your story and to give you advice as a whole.

[AnxiousinCali]

If you haven't already, check out Sheryl Paul's work. She focuses almost exclusively on relationship anxiety. I've dealt with this myself and it's a nightmare. But with some thoughtful work, you can pull out of it.

[fishman65]

Hi sprouts, best not to get into a relationship in the first place. In my experience they're overrated.

[sprouts1]

If you haven't already, check out Sheryl Paul's work. She focuses almost exclusively on relationship anxiety. I've dealt with this myself and it's a nightmare. But with some thoughtful work, you can pull out of it.

Thanks, I am confident I can overcome it. It just gets very difficult at times. Luckily its Friday, aka, the start of my good days. I have much less anxiety on the weekends.

I have checked out her work, a while back. I'll have to look at it again.

---------- Post added at 18:31 ---------- Previous post was at 18:26 ----------

Hi sprouts, best not to get into a relationship in the first place. In my experience they're overrated.

Well that was my mindset! I was single for three years and planning to be alone. I just so happened to meet my boyfriend when I was working as a Barista. I didn't go looking for it at all. It just came to me. :^) I'm very glad it did.