Well, after my last post a couple of weeks ago, i thought things were looking up. How wrong could i be...
So today, my fiancee, mother, stepdad and little sister came with me to a car boot sale. I had all intentions of staying until about 12pm, then heading back to where i work (A drive of 280 miles away). I managed until 9.30am, having started at 7.30am. All morning i felt ill at ease and unwell. It got to the point where i felt so physically sick, i told the finacee i needed to leave. She's understanding of my problems, so that wasn't a problem. I excused myself, and went outside to get fresh air. Once outside though, i just knew the feelings i were having meant i was going to vomit. So after wretching bile and feeling rough as a dog, i managed to get the car out, and get back home. Once there, my fiancee came from her car, and i just felt overwhelmed with emotion. It took me over a hour to calm down enough to talk properly (not panic attack, just anxiety).
After all that, i had to endure 4 hours driving on my own, feeling ill, with heartburn,indigestion, and nausea. The driving wasnt the problem, it was the previous episode. So now, 7 hours after being sick, im still having chest pains and feeling sick, but im putting this down to lack of food. Going to try and eat in a minute, so will see how that goes.
I think its time to actually go and see a doctor. After nearly 3 years of this, i feel like im going mad. I'm always miserable, always fed up, and lately ive become really short tempered and snappy with people. Im 23 and feel like theres no end to it, despite all the reassurance from people close to me in my life.
I think i just need SOMEBODY out there to be able to tell me im not the only one who feels like this when im out and about. Why can i do some things but not others? How come, if i go for a meal, sometimes im fine, and sometimes end up in a toilet being sick? How come, i can go spend a day out shopping all day, and then vomit at a bloody car boot sale?
Im at the end of my leash here, i just cant see the end in sight. Please somebody tell me im not the only one, and that, despite all the horridness associated with anxiety, that im not the one person who is effected by anxiety in this way...
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Sorry you are having a bad day with your anxiety. You are not alone and many of us could have written this. It can be one step forward and two back at times. The important point is to accept it and not to be too impressed by it. This way you will have less episodes and there will be longer spells between bad ones. I am probably about 90% recovered from panic anxiety after 2yrs but it still bites me in the a*se in a big way on occasion, without warning, and in the most unlikeliest of places too. This can be unnerving but overall I am so much better. I hope this helps.
